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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What the hell with colleague

287 replies

SalemShadow · 30/05/2019 21:56

We have a colleague who is always instigating work socialising and organising nights out. Prob is she never wants to pay for anything. She never ever buys a drink. She always asks me and my colleagues to get the bogof drinks and she will get the next ones but she never does. She has blagged lunches off colleagues by forgetting her purse app and never paying back. We went out yest and my colleague said she would get the first drink but she needed to get the next ones. She never did. It was awkward as she just sat there with empty glasses. A couple of times she has been on lunch and said she needed a sandwich but forgotten her purse. We went in the sandwich shop once on her request and I'd already eaten a sandwich from home as trying to save money. She looked in her purse she only had some pound coins which she is collecting app. She then proceeded to ask me to pay for her sandwich as she can't spend her coins as collecting. She's asking me and a colleague to come on a few nights out with work in the next few months and trying to convince us to come for a break away. I don't know how to deal with her politely as she won't pay for anything! It's really starting to piss me off. Aibu?

OP posts:
TeaForTheWin · 31/05/2019 15:00

She's a typical bloodsucking tightass narcissist, stop hanging out with her entirely.

Sparklesocks · 31/05/2019 15:15

Ugh I hate people this, it’s always bizarre they don’t think people notice!
As others have said, stay firm, tell her it’s her round, tell her you can’t cover her sandwich/coffee etc. You could even say ‘I think I covered you last time as well, I can’t do it every time I’m afraid’. Just be direct and unemotional.

AliceRR · 31/05/2019 15:30

If you can’t say “no because you never pay” or whatever just tell her you don’t have any money if she asks you for it or asks you to pay for something. If you’re going out don’t buy her a drink unless she buys one first. If she’s planning social events maybe suggest everyone puts money in a pot because “it often ends up that the same people end up paying more while some don’t contribute” or just don’t go.

I find it hard to believe others haven’t noticed or mentioned it.

Belenus · 31/05/2019 15:30

I'm amazed at 'forgot purse' still flying when everyone's got a phone and/or smart watch.

I don't think I know anyone with a smart watch and very few people who use their phone to pay for things. My phone is 5 years old. It's memory would be overloaded if I tried putting any kind of app on it.

Weird the way people on MN make assumptions about how everyone is the same as them.

shazchip · 31/05/2019 15:32

Hahaahhaahaha this thread is the funniest thing I've ever read. OP, as if you needed 100+ strangers on the internet to make you realise that you just need to STOP BUYING HER STUFF ALL THE TIME. Wow. I almost don't blame her for continuing to try it on since she knows she gets away with it every time.

Norma27 · 31/05/2019 15:39

I save my £2 coins and try not to spend them. No way would I ask someone to pay for me if I had some in my purse tho. They would be spent.
I can’t believe people get away with being such CFs.

clairemcnam · 31/05/2019 15:45

I don't like rounds anyway as although I like a drink, I don't drink that much. One or at most two alcoholic drinks will do me all night. So I would just say - I am trying to cut back on my drinking and rounds encourages me to drink more, so I will just buy my own. And if other colleagues want to subsidise her, up to them.
With lunch I would just say sorry no I don't have the money to lend you money.

Original poster
SalemShadow · 31/05/2019 15:48

She wasn't in today but I'm ready in case she asks me next week. Glad it's not just me that thought she's a c.f..

OP posts:
Original poster
SalemShadow · 31/05/2019 15:49

She collects pound coins so can't spend them app Hmm

OP posts:
Belenus · 31/05/2019 16:36

Really? I think I might start collecting tenners and telling people to pay for my stuff because I can't spend them. Except it would be amoral, greedy and lazy.

SilenceMeansWhatAreTheyUpTo · 31/05/2019 16:37

She collects pound coins so can't spend them
Sounds like it's working. Must try it. Grin

YouTheCat · 31/05/2019 16:49

Tell her you collect £20 notes.

Clutterbugsmum · 31/05/2019 16:53

She collects pound coins so can't spend them app

And that's why she has no money she has a gambling habit, and all her money is being spent on that. But she still gets to go out and have fun because other people are funding it. I'm guessing she's like this with her friends as well.

And by you all funding her evenings out/lunches then you are enabling her addiction.

simplekindoflife · 31/05/2019 16:57

Wow! What a cheeky fucker she is! I'm gobsmacked?!

You don't even have to make it a confrontation though. Just don't pay!

The sandwich shop thing is just bloody ridiculous!! Say you're collecting pound coins too or you've forgotten your purse or you're running low on cash so can't help out - or fuck off you cheeky fucker, anything?! Confused

In the pub, all say you're sticking to your own drinks as you're watching your money or do a whip.

I can't imagine getting away with this in any of the places I've worked, she'd been publicly called out on it a long time ago!

crosspelican · 31/05/2019 17:03

You need to be quick when you get to the pub - before she can send anyone to the bar for her, say "Hey CF, CW1 got the first round in last week, didn't you CW1, and I def. got them the week before - looks like it's your turn! Can you you get me a glass of red wine & some cheese & onion crisps?" and if she flat out refuses, screw up the nerve to say "Oh I'm sorry, I just can't afford to keep buying your drinks every week. You're not the only one collecting pounds lol!" and get your own drink. With any luck your coworker will cotton on and back you up, or prep her.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 31/05/2019 17:16
  1. Stop buying rounds, collect the money from everyone for each drink. No money, no drink. If she asks for a sub, everyone can say they've only brought enough for themselves, not rounds.
  1. Make sure you remind her as she's leaving the office, do you need to stop at a cashpoint or have you got some money with you?
Happynow001 · 31/05/2019 17:17

I'm gonna decline if I can get away with it without looking like a miserable so and so
Why does it matter if you look miserable saying "no I'm afraid I can't" or "no that doesn't work for me"? It sounds like your other colleagues feel the same as you and are all just waiting for one of you to be brave enough to stop entitling the CF colleague.

Why should she change if what she's doing works for her?

Remember:
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Tinkerbell89 · 31/05/2019 17:19

Do not buy her anything else & if there's going to be a work night out everyone buys their own food & drinks or everyone puts money in a pot to buy the drinks. Those who don't put money in pot can't participate. Stop letting her get away with it & maybe mention to management she keeps pestering for money in work hours

Merryfecker · 31/05/2019 17:31

Cant believe the amount of people on here that know someone who deliberately forgets their purse. I once genuinely forgot mine on a nite out with the girls and I have never been so mortified! Fortunately another friend sho we were meeting later that night and lived near me called in at my house and got it, I had left it on the side board and everyone knew it was not done on purpose...... I ALAYS pay my way but I still felt embarrassed. Really dont know how people have the brass back to do it on purpose on a regular basis

TowelNumber42 · 31/05/2019 17:33

There is no way to do this without her kicking off. Accept it, stop trying to avoid it, then everything magically becomes easier.

She has already shown she knows how to manipulate your all women group using your female socialisation to people-please.

She will kick off, she will say lots of mean things about you and to you. She expects it to work. She knows many women would rather go hungry themselves than risk being called a big mean cow loudly in public, possibly with tears.

Harden your heart to mean words. It will change your life for the better. You'll feel strong. The others will respect you more too.

TowelNumber42 · 31/05/2019 17:39

Talk to the others in advance. Tell them you feel she's deliberately conning you all out of money. When she bit your head off it made you realise it was deliberate and you've had enough. You are not paying out another penny on her, if the others want to keep paying for her that's up to them, but you will not, sorry in advance if it makes them feel awkward but you are still not paying for her again.

You'll probably find the others are desperate for a leader to stand up to her and they'll all follow you. You'll be the queen Grin

stressedoutpa · 01/06/2019 09:04

I can't believe you are all so spineless.

If she was bragging that she hadn't bought a drink at the last event I would have told her everyone has noticed and she is getting a reputation for being a tight CF. It's not something to be proud of, is it?

For the next event, you should all decline. Stop facilitating her.

ForalltheSaints · 01/06/2019 09:20

Remember that No is a complete sentence, when next asked if you want to join an evening out. One of the things I have learnt from MN.

scarecrowhead · 01/06/2019 09:30

She's so brazen and obviously doesn't give a shit.

Katherine2626 · 01/06/2019 17:38

Why do you all keep going?