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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To question whether it is us or our neighbours who are being unreasonable

373 replies

ThespianTendencies · 30/05/2019 13:25

DS - 12 is a keen musician. He likes to play piano. He also likes playing on his Xbox. Three times in recent weeks the neighbours have complained about noise. First time was about 945pm and ds was playing piano in the dining room (we are semi detached). The piano is on the wall that does not back onto their dining room wall. He was playing with gusto but I could barely hear him from the lounge so not unreasonably loud imho. The neighbour texted and asked if he could stop as he had to be up at 5am. I told ds to quieten down and he stopped playing and played his guitar instead. This happened again about 2 weeks later when ds was on piano - again it was not late; 10pm, within the reasonable time to be able to play music in your own home I would have thought. Then last night, neighbour texted to ask if ds was Ok as he could hear screaming from upstairs. I said I was sure he was OK as he was on his Xbox playing Fortnight and could I hear him laughing and chatting with his friends online. Again, this was 1030pm so not ludicrously late and I don't think we should be tiptoeing around after 10pm just because our neighbour has to be up at 5am. I did go to ds and told him to quieten down of course, which he did. I totally appreciate that we must be mindful of our neighbours, we have lived side by side for nearly 9 years. I made no comments or complaints when their young baby was crying through the night or when their two girls wake every morning during weekends and holidays alike at 630am. It is family life and having had two children myself, I understand it. I have made sure that ds has quietened down every time but I am not sure that they are being very fair. If it was past 11pm or early hours of the morning then fair enough, but this seems like we are being made to shut up! Your thoughts please.

OP posts:
stucknoue · 30/05/2019 17:13

Ps dd gets told to stop by me after 10pm and we are detached (she likes to play piano after going to the pub!)

Bluntness100 · 30/05/2019 17:14

I also think you're being unreasonable, your comment you can hardly hear him is irrelevant. Your neighbours clearly can and to a level that is disturbing them,

No playing instruments after nine and when he's on his x box tell him. It to bloody scream loud enough to disturb the neighbours.

Really as parents we need to teach our children how to be considerate people.

Pinkvoid · 30/05/2019 17:15

YABU. I think 10pm is late on a weekday to be playing instruments or playing loudly on a games console. Haven’t RTFT but feels like a reverse, I can’t fathom how you don’t quite understand that 10pm is an unreasonable hour to be playing instruments.

I did chuckle at ‘so he went to play his guitar instead’, like that’s so much better! You should stop loud noises at 9pm on a weeknight and 10pm on a weekend imo. Keep the peace, you have to live side by side for the foreseeable future.

IvanaPee · 30/05/2019 17:18

Reverse or piss take is my guess!!

Andonandonan · 30/05/2019 17:21

10 is WAY too late for piano playing / any instrument in a semi-detached house.

DH always stops or puts headphones on by 9 at the latest.

YABVU

musicposy · 30/05/2019 17:24

Too late IMO. I teach piano until 9pm or occasionally 9.30pm; any pupils after 9pm go on the digital. Likewise my own family; DD usually gets on the piano when my pupils get off but at that time of night she has to have digital with the sound very quiet or headphones. She saves the "rousing" playing for in the day. She does need to play the acoustic at times - despite being a good digital it doesn't 100% cut it as she's at diploma level - but we keep it for a time when it will be of minimal noise nuisance to the neighbours. I'm aware that just because I love listening to it doesn't mean next door will! Even on the far wall, sound carries.

MalloryLaurel · 30/05/2019 17:26

Yabu

themueslicamel · 30/05/2019 17:33

If I lived next to you OP, I would have a rousing 3 hours of heavy metal at full volume when I got up at 5AM until you started to see my way of thinking....

PortiaCastis · 30/05/2019 17:35

www.problemneighbours.co.uk/how-to-be-a-good-neighbour.html

Have a look at this site as can be very helpful, and yes I think playing musical instruments as late as 10 is not on

DarlingNikita · 30/05/2019 17:37

Everyone talking about the DS 'screaming' –it was the neighbour who said this. OP said he was 'laughing and chatting', which is a bit different.

Personally I like things quiet after about 10pm, so it WAS a bit late for me –then again, I think I'm in the minority as a lot of people I know seem routinely to stay up until about midnight. It's not your fault that your neighbour had to get up at 5am that day; what are we all supposed to do, demand our neighbours are silent at night if we've got to get up to work/catch a flight/whatever?

The piano, again it's neighbour's word against OP's but if she 'could barely hear him from the lounge' that really doesn't sound outrageous.

Waveysnail · 30/05/2019 17:39

My husband goes to bed at 9pm to get up for 4am. So I'd want quiet from 9pm in my house.

Omzlas · 30/05/2019 17:42

YABU OP

10pm is far too late for piano. Perhaps you should move to a detached property so you don't have attached neighbours. Or you know, not play music after 9pm?

I presume you don't like the replies you've had though and won't be returning

AllOverIt · 30/05/2019 17:42

YABU

Sparkletastic · 30/05/2019 17:44

YABU

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 30/05/2019 17:48

Jesus. Jeeeeeezus. You'd be my neighbour from hell, OP. A piano would go right through me. I'm lucky no one by me plays one.

Figure8 · 30/05/2019 17:48

10 is too late....

Fairylea · 30/05/2019 17:49

I am sorry but I agree with the majority, 10pm is way too late for this much noise.

kbPOW · 30/05/2019 17:50

It's you. It's too late for that amount of noise.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 30/05/2019 17:53

It’s too late. Past 9 is too late. Your son needs to learn to be able to judge these things for himself better too.

You can’t control a baby crying. You can control piano/video game noise. Very unfair to compare these.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 30/05/2019 17:54

Also, on a weeknight he should be in bed or winding down at that time. Not bring hysterical on video games or playing ‘with gusto’ Hmm

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 30/05/2019 17:55

I agree the OP is being U but for the posters concerned about the 12 year old's bedtime, its half term most places this week so assume he was allowed up later than usual

TinselTimes · 30/05/2019 17:58

Yabu. We play instruments and video games etc, but nothing after 8.30pm.

Babies crying and toddlers waking in the morning is not comparable at all, those are things that just can’t be controlled.

You need to start teaching your son to be more considerate.

NeatFreakMama · 30/05/2019 18:11

YABU it's too late. If I have to be up 5-5:30 I'd need to be asleep by 10pm. I tend to keep it quiet for neighbours from around 9pm.

Tiredoftalking · 30/05/2019 18:17

YABU

PutyourtoponTrevor · 30/05/2019 18:23

I go to bed at 9, I'd be seriously pissed off living next to you

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