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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours complaining about toddler noise

282 replies

NadT · 30/05/2019 12:50

Hello,

I'm looking for opinions and any advice please. We are a family of 3 living in a semi-detached house. We have a 2 and a half year old. Over the last few months, just as he turned 2, the neighbours started sending messages stating they could hear 'constant banging' particularly in the mornings. Without more specific information we assumed that they were referring to our toddler waking at 5.30, getting out of his bed and running around his room and jumping. For the record my husband and I hate this too! I was out at the time and so sent a reasonable message back apologising and explaining. My husband sent a friendly message to her husband also explaining. We had return comments such as "It's not on" and "we believe you can do something about it". We asked them for a face to face to discuss exactly what their grievances were and they ignored the message.

After that they blocked us and cut off communication. This week one of them posted a Facebook post on our private residents page complaining about inconsiderate neighbours and that they would be moving as a result of noise in a few years. We were highly embarrassed by this as other neighbours contacted us asking what was going on.

We felt this was unwarranted and so contacted them again asking for a face to face so we could find out exactly what it was that we are doing that is bothering them do much. We received responses full of abuse and our offer to meet was firmly rejected.

We are now uncomfortable and anxious in our own home. I find myself panicking and shouting at my poor toddler every time he makes some sort of noise. We have tried everything to get him to sleep in later in the mornings such as Gro clock, rewards, modifying naps and asking the health visitor for advice. Nothing works. He wakes early.

The banging is also probably coming from his tantrums which at the moment are epic! Again we deal with them but we can't stop them outright or predict when they are going to happen!

My confidence has been severely damaged by their comments towards me and my toddler. Heavily implying that my toddler is an inconvience because of his noise. Whilst I genuinely sympathise and appreciate the noise isn't fun I would like the opportunity to give them context and insight so that they can at least understand why it's happening. I'm also genuinely happy to try and change a few things but by refusing to meet us to discuss it I'm not sure how I can move forward without information about exactly what is bothering them. My husband struggles with depression and this has set him back too especially in his search for a job.

We live in Scotland so far away from our families and hence any support or option to go and stay with them for a bit. We aren't financially able to move house and don't want to leave anyway.

Advice gratefully appreciated. And shared experiences!

OP posts:
multiplemum3 · 30/05/2019 12:57

Why don't you take him downstairs when he wakes up so he's not bouncing around his room? I wouldn't like being woke up by someone else's kid so early every morning.

LakieLady · 30/05/2019 13:00

Aww, OP, that's really nasty of them to make their displeasure so public. Children make noise, it's perfectly normal and to an extent they need to suck it up. But 5.30 is awfully early.

When he wakes early, would he settle for a while in your bed, with you reading a book to him or something?

Still, the terrible twos don't last forever, and as he gets bigger he may well sleep later, and also be better able to amuse himself without banging around the house.

IceCreamSoda99 · 30/05/2019 13:01

Can you move him into a bedroom on the detached side of the house so he can't disturb them so early until he has grown out of this? Did you explain in your initial response that you were trying to stop him? I think these things are best handled face to face so if I was you rather than send messages requesting meetings go over, knock on their door and bring a peace offering and ask them if you can apologise in person and explain what you have tried to do.

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/05/2019 13:01

Do you really need more information?

Noise carries far more upstairs on floorboards - get up when your son wakes and go downstairs with him where the noise will not carry as much and you can occupy him rather than leaving him unattended in his room annoying the neighbours.

I suspect, and I don't say this is right or kind or fair... that they don't give a crap WHY he is making noise, the fact is, he is making noise and it is disturbing them.

The why is your business to resolve, and maybe you can... and maybe you can't. But I think you've got stuck on trying to insist they meet with you, which they obviously don't want to do, and you aren't taking sensible, common sense steps to reduce the noise as a result of this 'stalemate'.

HelloDearHusband · 30/05/2019 13:02

Reply to the Facebook post stating you have asked for more information about what the noise is and when it happens in order to pinpoint what it is that is disturbing them , however they have refused your request and have been subject only to verbal abuse.

OKBobble · 30/05/2019 13:02

A lot of toddlers wake up at that time. You can't just leave them in their room. One you will need to get up (we used to take turns) with them. We used to sit in an armchair with them and read or even watch a video (in those days) I must have watched The Lion King every day for a year!

They just need some form of attention.

How are you approaching the neighbours? Saying you want a face to face sounds quite aggressive. Perhaps that has put them off a discussion.

Sparklesocks · 30/05/2019 13:03

It sounds like you’ve made real efforts to meet with them and talk about it civilly but they are refusing - what else can you do? They sound a bit cowardly, happy to hide behind a message or an fb post but not adult enough to have an actual conversation about it. I wonder if they know they are being unreasonable and that’s why they don’t want to talk to you? Kids make noise, it’s annoying but it’s a fact.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 30/05/2019 13:04

Set yourself a time limit around noise. As in, ‘I will worry about the noise he makes between the time he wakes up and 9.30am’ after this point try not to tie yourself in knits about it. However when he wakes can you take him downstairs, read or play with him quietly until 9.30

TwattingDog · 30/05/2019 13:05

They have been a bit pathetic, going on Facebook like teenagers, but noise like that at 0530 is unreasonable. What do you do when he gets up?

Don't shout - you're stressing yourselves out, and ironically making more noise...

My neighbours have a son who is now 6 and the racket this week of him running around the house on half tern has me ready to kill as I'm working from home. However, it's not usual all day, just after school, and so I'm trying to ignore it.

That said, they could be doing a LOT more to reduce his sprinting up and down the stairs - get his shoes off, stop him slamming doors etc. It would mean changing how they supervise him, and putting in door fixings etc. Not always a quick fix.

Do you have carpets down? Shoes on indoors? Slippers on feet for small children? Reduce running permitted indoors. Encourage different this in the morning that aren't high energy unless they are in the garden? Can you move your sons bed to another wall? Another room?

Drogosnextwife · 30/05/2019 13:05

Nope sorry yabu. Your neighbours text you to tell you your toddler is waking them up in the early hours of the morning. From what you say they replied with, it sound sound like you "politely" told them there was nothing you could do.
Why on earth do you need a face to face meet up? They told you what the problem was so sort it out.

Sexnotgender · 30/05/2019 13:06

Do you get up at 5.30 with him or just leave him to rattle round his room? Your post isn’t clear.

Drogosnextwife · 30/05/2019 13:07

I'm also genuinely happy to try and change a few things but by refusing to meet us to discuss it I'm not sure how I can move forward without information about exactly what is bothering them.

They told you, its the noise, the banging yet you insist you can't do anything unless you have further info?

RedPink · 30/05/2019 13:07

They sound rude and unpleasant but you were a bit unreasonable to try to insist on meeting up to discuss it. They have said what the noise is so I don’t understand why you need to talk to them about it.
Toddlers are noisy and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for Nieghbours to have to put up with some noise from them. However, it’s unreasonable for you to let your toddler run and jump in his room at 5:30 in the morning. Can you take him downstairs or distract him. I would find it really really annoying.
Also have you got carpets or rugs in the room?

ANewDawn10 · 30/05/2019 13:08

I would really not be interested in explanations why your child is doing this, I would expect you to deal with it.

BigRedLondonBus · 30/05/2019 13:08

TBF that would annoy the hell out of me. Even my kids don’t wake up at that time so I sure as hell don’t want to be woken up by someone else’s kid at that time.

Grumpelstilskin · 30/05/2019 13:08

Instead of investing so much energy in trying to meet the neighbours why not get up and deal with your toddler? You are not the hard done by party in this and you are quite inconsiderate.

MRex · 30/05/2019 13:14

What have you actually done to reduce the noise your toddler makes jumping about in the morning? It reads as though you've apologised but not done anything.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 30/05/2019 13:15

You need to be clear about what steps you do to quieten him down. He is awake and banging around his room, do you leave him to it?

He is waking early so needs an early routine to distract him from banging around. Up washed dressed breakfast a read. In the summer you could go for an early walk somewhere. He is up and demanding your attention.

Beautiful3 · 30/05/2019 13:17

Once they're up, take them downstairs to the living room to watch or read quietly. You can't leave them to their own devices that early in the morning! I wouldn't appreciate a noisy child at 5.30am next to my bedroom either.

LIZS · 30/05/2019 13:19

It sounds as if neither of you are getting up with him and trying to keep him quiet. He won't magically learn to sleep in by you ignoring it. Do you have hard floors, is his bed against the adjoining wall, do you have dark blind/curtains in his room, is he hungry/wet/cold?

CripsSandwiches · 30/05/2019 13:20

Do you just leave him jumping around at 530? Do you take him downstairs or to a room not connected to neighbours? What have you done to soften the impact noise?

I lived in a 1 bed flat with a toddler and had downstairs neighbours. Yes toddlers are heavy footed and make noise but you can do alot to reduce it. I would always get up with DS and play quiet games in the morning. We got thick rugs, made sure he didn't have access to loud toys in the morning. We made sure we got him out of the house even just for a walk a few times a day.

lubeybooby · 30/05/2019 13:20

sorry OP but you have to get up with your child like a normal person. 5:30am is early yes but not unreasonable to be getting up. If it was 4am then try the gro clocks etc but 5:30 is fine and you should be up if he is.

Foslady · 30/05/2019 13:21

What flooring is in his room OP?

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 30/05/2019 13:21

It wasn't on for them to post about it publicly, but I used to get woken up by my neighbour banging about every morning and it made my already bad anxiety worse.

You can get really thick mats to put on the floor that block out noise completely. I'd put one of those down in his room for when he wakes up and then get up and be with him.

PeoniesarePink · 30/05/2019 13:22

YABVVU to not deal with the noise.

Stop wringing your hands and saying you can't help it - you can!