Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours complaining about toddler noise

282 replies

NadT · 30/05/2019 12:50

Hello,

I'm looking for opinions and any advice please. We are a family of 3 living in a semi-detached house. We have a 2 and a half year old. Over the last few months, just as he turned 2, the neighbours started sending messages stating they could hear 'constant banging' particularly in the mornings. Without more specific information we assumed that they were referring to our toddler waking at 5.30, getting out of his bed and running around his room and jumping. For the record my husband and I hate this too! I was out at the time and so sent a reasonable message back apologising and explaining. My husband sent a friendly message to her husband also explaining. We had return comments such as "It's not on" and "we believe you can do something about it". We asked them for a face to face to discuss exactly what their grievances were and they ignored the message.

After that they blocked us and cut off communication. This week one of them posted a Facebook post on our private residents page complaining about inconsiderate neighbours and that they would be moving as a result of noise in a few years. We were highly embarrassed by this as other neighbours contacted us asking what was going on.

We felt this was unwarranted and so contacted them again asking for a face to face so we could find out exactly what it was that we are doing that is bothering them do much. We received responses full of abuse and our offer to meet was firmly rejected.

We are now uncomfortable and anxious in our own home. I find myself panicking and shouting at my poor toddler every time he makes some sort of noise. We have tried everything to get him to sleep in later in the mornings such as Gro clock, rewards, modifying naps and asking the health visitor for advice. Nothing works. He wakes early.

The banging is also probably coming from his tantrums which at the moment are epic! Again we deal with them but we can't stop them outright or predict when they are going to happen!

My confidence has been severely damaged by their comments towards me and my toddler. Heavily implying that my toddler is an inconvience because of his noise. Whilst I genuinely sympathise and appreciate the noise isn't fun I would like the opportunity to give them context and insight so that they can at least understand why it's happening. I'm also genuinely happy to try and change a few things but by refusing to meet us to discuss it I'm not sure how I can move forward without information about exactly what is bothering them. My husband struggles with depression and this has set him back too especially in his search for a job.

We live in Scotland so far away from our families and hence any support or option to go and stay with them for a bit. We aren't financially able to move house and don't want to leave anyway.

Advice gratefully appreciated. And shared experiences!

OP posts:
jaseyraex · 30/05/2019 13:52

So do you not get up right away when your child starts banging about? It's not clear from your post. It sounds like you leave him to it so obvious solution is to get up and take him downstairs! Do puzzles and colouring and other quiet games until a more reasonable hour. My DS1 went through a phase of waking at 4am no matter what I did for about a year solid. I couldn't imagine just leaving him to make noise and wake everyone else up!

TFBundy · 30/05/2019 13:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

EssentialHummus · 30/05/2019 13:57

They WBU to block you and rant on social media. But I'd echo others' questions - do you get up with him? What have you tried?

Rachelle11 · 30/05/2019 14:10

I have a ds with sn's who has loud meltdowns, sometimes in the middle of the night. I always bring him kicking and screaming into the basement when that happens. During the day our neighbours say they hardly hear him. If we are in a rough patch though I always message them to apologize. They know my ds has sn's. I have never explained more than that. I just try hard to contain his loudness to the basement when possible, and make sure even if they can't hear him to apologize because I want to keep on good terms.
It's not clear why your child is in his room awake at 5:30 am? Are you getting up with him and bringing him downstairs? Can you switch bedrooms? Our ds has an outside room for that very reason of less chance of disturbing them.

ANewDawn10 · 30/05/2019 14:17

Rachelle you sound like a very considerate neighbor. I'm sure that your neighbors are so understanding because you make the effort and apologise. It goes a long way when you can see that people are trying their best.

I have very little time and patience with people whose attitude is 'tough shit it's a toddler and they make noise'. That's not my bloody problem, that's not my bloody child.

I have a toddler too and we are quick to be considerate of our neighbors.

PopWentTheWeasel · 30/05/2019 14:24

OP, just to flag, this may not be a toddler years thing. My DS is 9 and it's only in the last year that he's been getting up later than 6am. 6.20am is still a regular occurance at weekends.

I know people are saying it's a toddler thing so solve it for now and he may sleep later. He also may not, so you need to look at a way that you're happy to manage this longer term, maybe putting dried cereal or crackers downstairs so he can have food when he gets up, for example, or books downstairs.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/05/2019 14:28

Bizarre that they've said they'll be moving in a few years time. He'll probably have outgrown that early morning stage by then.

Perhaps they can imagine what he'll be like as he gets older and is allowed to do what he wants.

Nesssie · 30/05/2019 14:29

I went round to my neighbour in tears at 5 am one morning as I just couldn't cope with the constant banging on the wall.

I explained I didn't want to be woken up that earlier every day and her reply was that she didn't want to either! Except I wasn't the one who chose to have kids. I know its hard to keep children quiet but honestly that wasn't my problem- it was hers to deal with.
It was a tense time between us but a couple of years down the line we get on pretty well.

Early mornings, lack of sleep, children will lead to lost tempers and upset.

Can you move the room around so that the wardrobes etc are against the adjoining room, and he is as far away as possible. Put rugs/carpet down to soften the noise.

CripsSandwiches · 30/05/2019 14:31

To the people saying he may get up early when he's older. Of course he might but a 5-9 year old can tell the time, understand they can't jump around, read a book or play quietly. A toddler can't understand that for themselves.

WhoWasIt · 30/05/2019 14:40

You know what the problem is, you have been told. You don't need a face to face meeting to be told again.
Just get up with your toddler and take him downstairs as other people have said.
Stop being obtuse and start parenting.

Mari50 · 30/05/2019 14:40

Without more specific information we assumed that they were referring to our toddler waking at 5.30, getting out of his bed and running around his room and jumping. For the record my husband and I hate this too!
Why on earth would need ‘more specific’ information when this is happening. It’s like you’re being purposefully obtuse.
Get up when your toddler gets up and keep them amused so that they aren’t banging and running about- it’s what the rest of us parents do. As for tantrums- you maybe need to look for different ways to manage them but I wouldn’t imagine they are daily (happy to be corrected though)
Sorry OP but I think you need to stop hiding behind the ‘but we don’t know what’s actually wrong’ nonsense and step up re parenting your child. And I say this as someone whose child was in the 4.30-5am waking bracket.

PhillipeFellope · 30/05/2019 15:07

I don't understand what more specifically you would need to know your toddler makes noise, It irritates your neighbours.

Next doors 3 year old annoys me when he's twatting about at 5:30am because he in turn wakes my 2.5 year old who starts twatting about. Luckily next door the other way have a 4 year old and a baby so we're all as noisy as each other and no need for facebook or meetings.

Move the room about, dampen the noise. Get rugs, or wall tapestries (Henry 8th anyone!?) or get it sound proofed or whatever. Put your toddler in your bed and stick the TV on. Get up with him and give him breakfast.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/05/2019 15:19

It sounds as though you just let him bang about while you stay in bed. I don't understand at all why you think there's nothing you can do about his noise level.

Strawberrypancakes · 30/05/2019 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 30/05/2019 16:44

They don't sound particularly pleasant but yabu. They don't need to understand why or the situation. They just want you to deal with it. What is there to discuss face to face? They can see you have a toddler. No need to let him leap about at 5.30am. Regardless of the situation, you need to manage the noise. Can you distract him? Can you carpet the room? Can you get up the minute you hear him? Sorry, I know it's hard but I'd be annoyed if I were them too.
Hope his waking early passes soon for you.

Grasspigeons · 30/05/2019 17:09

lots of people have made good suggestions on how you can minimise the noise by arranging the upstairs differently and getting up. This is true and necessary. The neighbours can also re-organise their upstairs to help as well eg their bed against a different wall or opposite bedroom

Honeybee85 · 30/05/2019 17:16

They aren’t nice people by the sound of it (venting on Facebook is quite rude) but some people do not feel the need to talk about such things face to face. I think you shouldn’t have made them feel pressured about having to do so and just text them what was going on and which solutions you were willing to implement to solve the problem.

Wildorchidz · 30/05/2019 17:37

+don’t think the OP is coming back...*

This

DoomOnTheBroom · 30/05/2019 17:46

You need to get up when your DC gets up. DD is 2yo and in a phase of waking up between 5am and 6am, if I leave her to her own devices she will smack her dolly off the side of the cot and shout "mama!" at varying volumes until I go to her which wakes up the entire house and probably next door too. As soon as I hear the first "mama" I go in and get her, we come downstairs and she mainlines Peppa Pig while I inhale coffee. It's not ideal but it's life with kids and even if your DS doesn't grow out of early rising he will reach an age where you won't need to get up with him straight away and he can quietly entertain himself until a more reasonable hour.

If it's an option then I would move him into a different bedroom, one that doesn't share a wall with the neighbours. If this isn't an option then rearrange his furniture so that his bed is not against the shared wall and make sure there's nothing near the bed that he can climb on and jump off.

bridgetreilly · 30/05/2019 17:49

Without more specific information we assumed that they were referring to our toddler waking at 5.30, getting out of his bed and running around his room and jumping. For the record my husband and I hate this too!

Well, don't let him do it then! Get up, take him downstairs, and keep him quiet, FFS.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 30/05/2019 17:52

This is going to be like the other thread about the piano noise where the OP vanishes

sincethereis · 30/05/2019 17:53

OP has vanished.

YABU to ask for a face to face meeting but YANBU to be upset about them making it public

RomanyQueen1 · 30/05/2019 17:54

I wouldn't like this, sometimes I'm just trying or just gone to sleep at this time.
You need to move toddler to a room not on a party wall. YABU, and I've had 3 dc, who weren't exactly the quiet type.

FenellaMaxwell · 30/05/2019 17:58

What on earth do you need to meet them to discuss?! Parent your child! Get up when he wakes up rather than let him bang around. Yes, it’s shit when they wake up at 5am - I have a kid the same age - but it’s your problem, not theirs!

YouJustDoYou · 30/05/2019 18:03

Mine used to be up at 4am. Convenient boxes of toys weren't of interested to him, he didn't care about tv, so, I was up with him, him in my arms, and then constant constant talking to him, movement, entertaining him for two hours until it got light at 6am, then we were out the door to walk and walk and walk in the buggy for the next 2-3 hours. It was horrific. And repeat, all day, until 7pm. For month after month. I was able to do it as didn't have other dependants at the time, but you do what you need to do to try and respect the people around you.