I fucked up and I can’t make it right 🙁

[LoopyLou1981]

I was sat on the train this morning in a ‘2 seat’. Two people were gesturing about where to sit. One sat next me and the other a few seats ahead. I was looking at my phone so not concentrating and asked the person next to me if they’d like to sit together. She practically shouted back ‘no, we’re not together you racist bitch’. It was only then that I realised that they were both black. I apologised by she just rolled her eyes at me and turned away.
I’m not racist. I hate any sort of discrimination. I’d have done the same for any two people that I thought were together.
Now I’m mortified that people think that I think that way and I can’t fix it.
I’m a horribly anxious person and now I’ve got an hour to try and make it look like I haven’t been crying so people in the office don’t ask me what’s wrong.

For goodness sake. It's not you with the problem. Don't give another thought to that aggressive and abusive person.

There's nothing to fix. You unfortunately just came across a rude arsehole. You did absolutely nothing wrong, and were in fact trying to be kind. Please put it out of your mind and don't be upset. Easier said than done I know but your feelings will fade.

You did nothing wrong

She’s rude and aggressive, they were talking to each other, it was not racist to presume they knew each other if you saw them speaking to each other. Ignore her.

What a rude twit she was for saying that. Completely unnecessary! Don't let it get you down, you made an innocent mistake while trying to be kind to strangers, you're the bigger person in this.

I’m on the tube & I’ve just swopped seats to let two friends sit together. It’s a kind thing to do.

One woman shouted & she might even regret doing it later. Any passengers who even heard her through their headphones probably wondered what all the fuss was about.

Providing you’re not going to have to see her on the train every day, let it go if you can.

What Scrumptelicious said

You tried to do a nice thing and she was needlessy rude. No need to cry or be mortified.

You haven't done anything wrong. She sounds like a rude arse with a huge chip on her shoulder. Try to breathe deeply and let it go

You were lovely and she was awful - don’t worry you are just reasonable upset by the attack. Tell a nice colleague - there is nothing to be ashamed of

She was being utterly ridiculous and no doubt everyone who heard her outburst thought the same.

Honestly please don't give this a second thought, other than what a dick she was!

Oh you poor thing. You were just trying to be nice. I had similar situation once and was very upset but I concluded in the end that the man had been rude. Don't let it put you off being thoughtful in future

There are always loons on public transport, you just made the error of speaking to one. Forget it.

Thanks for making me feel a bit better. Bloody anxiety is a right pain in the bum! I wish I was one of those people that could shrug things off. I’ll be overthinking this for days now 🙁 x

You just have to try to forget it.
Once i assumed a black woman in her fifties and a black woman in her late 30s were mother and daughter. I felt such a fresh off the boat country hick. I was shocked at myself for having lazily assumed that and it challenged me. (At that point ireland was 99% white. Dublin anyway more diverse that a lot of towns john cleese would consider english.)
But anyway through the burning shame i apoligised and hoped my new flat mate wasnt ashamed of me in front of what turned out to be her colleagues. I did pause midway thru an assumption after that.

Some people are just arseholes.
I remember in Tower Records a little black boy bumped into me and apologised. His mother yelled at him "You don't need to apologise to those whites". Charming and not a nice way to bring your kid up. I could understand if I had said something negative to the child, but I didn't.

Some people just have a mahoosive chip on their shoulders.

Wow! She seems to have been spoiling for a fight as soon as she got on the train. As far as your gesture is concerned, the colour of her skin has sod all to do with it. Her reaction says more about her defensive mindset.

Maybe she had experienced racism that day and was on a short fuse.

You tried to be kind and drew a conclusion based on what you thought was going on. Her reaction was disproportionate and aggressive. I doubt anybody thought badly of you. Your discomfiture now is telling: you are hyper aware of

Don't let it get to you too much.

Use all your distraction techniques to let it go. You’ve done nothing wrong.

If I saw two people gesticulating about where to sit I would probably assume they know each other and were together. It wouldn't matter what their race or skin colour was.

She was very unfair in you. Some people of different races and/or skin colour need to remove the chip on their shoulder and stop seeing racism in everything.

Don't be upset. You really didn't do anything wrong.

Didn't you say 'oh sorry, I thought I saw you talking to each other'? Because that was all that was necessary to resolve it. Beyond that, ignore. She was rude and aggressive and you have nothing to apologise for - it was just a misunderstanding. In her defence, maybe it is something that she endures too often.

OP you didn’t do anything wrong.
And if I was on your train and seen/heard her I wouldn’t be thinking you were racist I’d be thinking she was out of line!

I just remembered I was once leaving a shop with the pushchair and went to use the wheelchair ramp (other alternative was bump pushchair down a flight of steps). A woman (not in a wheelchair) was coming up the ramp towards me so I stood aside with my pushchair to let her pass.

As she passed me she hissed “I’m not THAT fat!!” suggesting that I obviously thought she was an enormous man-mountain who couldn’t possibly squeeze past my pushchair. I was mortified. For about 5 seconds. Then I just thought she was a silly fool and carried on with my day.

Some people just love to be offended.

OP, imagine this from the other person’s point of view.

“I got on the train this morning at the same time as another person. We were both gesturing about where to sit. I sat down next to a lady who was tapping away on her phone. She stopped tapping and said “would you like to sit together?”

WIBU to swear at her and accuse her of being racist?”

Aw don’t cry! She sounds a bloody nasty piece of work xx

See her behaviour would have gotten ,y back right up and I probably would have spat something rather nasty back at her (which realistically achieves nothing). You did nothing wrong, just hold your head high and don't give it any brains space, as i suspect she isn't..