I fucked up and I can’t make it right 🙁

[LoopyLou1981]

I was sat on the train this morning in a ‘2 seat’. Two people were gesturing about where to sit. One sat next me and the other a few seats ahead. I was looking at my phone so not concentrating and asked the person next to me if they’d like to sit together. She practically shouted back ‘no, we’re not together you racist bitch’. It was only then that I realised that they were both black. I apologised by she just rolled her eyes at me and turned away.
I’m not racist. I hate any sort of discrimination. I’d have done the same for any two people that I thought were together.
Now I’m mortified that people think that I think that way and I can’t fix it.
I’m a horribly anxious person and now I’ve got an hour to try and make it look like I haven’t been crying so people in the office don’t ask me what’s wrong.

Can I ask all the people telling the OP that she did a nice thing and it was the other woman with the problem, to tell me what the correct response is when a stranger makes a random remark which appears to be making a negative judgement on them based on their colour?

Yes because offering someone a seat is clearly a negative judgement on them based on their colour.

The idiots on here defending the obnoxious woman on the train and finding some excuse to blame the OP are a menace to society. Such attitudes can really undermine attempts to deal with GENUINE racism (including try slow drip of micro-aggression). Stop virtue signalling wildly and think about the consequences of your silly comments.

I haven't read any posters blaming the op?
And what do you define as GENUINE racism?

You obviously did do something wrong, you obviously did do something that was racist.
I don't know why people are saying otherwise.
The woman didn't need to react as strongly as she did. But it's her emotions and her right to have them about someone being racist.

However the important thing was your intent. You didn't intend to be offensive. You were intending to do something positive. So you're not a bad person, don't beat yourself up
It'll be a bit cringy to look back on, but we all have those things.
Take it as an opportunity to learn about unconscious bias.
It is what it is now, you can't take it back, but you know you weren't trying to upset anyone.

And what if the two people had been together and offered the chance to sit together - would that still have been an act of 'microaggression'?

And for everyone who demands we consider that the woman may have been having a bad day, etc - what about the OP? She has anxiety issues.

We can't speculate as to what kind of day anyone is having, what medical or emotional conditions they may be suffering with... just be nice and polite to everyone, which is what the OP was doing. Offering an act of kindness which was reframed as being the act of a racist.

But, like I say, if they had have been friends, family or acquaintances the offer of sitting together would have been accepted without being construed as racist, I presume.

Of course the OP wasn't consciously racist but she would have seen that they were both black even if she didn't consciously acknowledge until after and it may well have played a sub consoles part in her assumption that they were together

or the OP could have seen them talking, assumed they were together/friends and not even thought about skin colour?

Oh Jesus no, people can be hideous whatever flavour. Not your fault at all. You did nothing wrong

You can make up all the hypothetical situations you want. But unless I missed something (and my apologies if I did) they weren't talking, or near each other. And she assumed they were together.
Did she assume all the white people were together? No.

It's not a huge issue, it's not a malicious thing, but that doesn't mean she did nothing wrong like people are saying

Two people get on a train at the same time and are interacting with each other.
I would also assume they were together. I think the OP made a kind offer.
I think it's really difficult though- a very fit and strong looking older man was standing on a train near me recently and glared at me throughout the journey- presumably I was meant to have offered him my seat- but he looked as healthy.as me.
If I'd have offered someone like my DM or DF my seat as a stranger, they would be seriously offended that I was making a negative judgement about their age.
You try to do the right thing, but in the end you actually wonder if it's worth trying to be kind.

Yeahsurewhatever
Yes you did miss something. The two people were gesturing about where to sit. Reasonable assumption that they were together regardless of race.
She did nothing wrong. Certainly no microaggression.

You didn’t fuck up.

You weren’t racist, you just thought they were together.

She might of had something said to her, or a bad day - but that’s no excuse for her language and behaviour. Wish her peace and positive thoughts. Give yourself a hug and wipe your tears. Be glad you are a nice person and offer the same tomorrow as it’s not you.

Thankyou Robin2323

If the OP thought 2 black people were together (subconsciously or otherwise) what does it matter? Are we supposed to believe she subconsciously tried to swap seats with the other person so she didn’t have to sit next to a black person? Is this the hidden act of micro aggression? It seems far fetched to me but I’m willing to learn, does anyone have any links that would explain this?

She was an aggressive twat with a major chip on her shoulder.

I assume she thought you wanted to avoid having one of them sit beside you by offering them to sit together?

Whatever the excuse it's shitty. She was way out of line.

You bumped into a dick head. That is all. You did nothing wrong.

You obviously did do something wrong, you obviously did do something that was racist. I don't know why people are saying otherwise

And how is that obvious? She thought two people were together who had been communicating with each other. That's the bit she saw. How is that racist?

That old chestnut....

You're a good person so you'll be mortified if you think you've upset someone. You have to remember that not everyone you've upset has a valid reason to be upset with you.

@Echt I did say that was with my understanding that the people were seperate aside from basically having walked past each other and been polite to each other
Which any two white people could do without seeming like they were together

However I also said if I've missed something I apologise
And a pp has said I had missed something, they were chatting to each other

I also did say that she clearly hadn't intended to be rude or racist even if that is the way it appeared etc etc.