If a 7 year old child disclosed this to you...

[redredbrine]

AIBU for quick traffic

what would your immediate actions be?

• they are scared of their dad
• they don't want to go to their dads because he shouts
• their dad is aggressive and angry and breaks things when they do something wrong
• that they're sad that daddy broke up with his girlfriend because that means they have to be on their own with him
• that their dad pinned them down with his foot and wouldn't let them move even though they were upset
• that they are scared to talk to mummy about it because they don't want daddy to shout at mummy (they're not together)
• daddy breaks their toys when he's angry
• daddy uses swear works
• daddy says nasty things about mummy
• I wish I didn't have to go there

I was babysitting (for work, not a friend) and felt the mother was very, very abusive towards her young daughter. I emailed the NSPCC and they took it very seriously and passed it on to social services.

It depends on whether you think the mother will take action, though. If she needs someone else to act on her behalf you could offer to report it for her.

I would pass it on to social services directly and tell the mum.
Please don't risk it not being dealt with properly by not telling someone other than mum/school.
I had a bad experience from calling the nspcc, so on the basis of that i can't recommend that route unfortunately.

It doesn’t matter who you are to the family. A child had disclosed some very worrying behaviours to you. Please please phone NSPCC help line and pass this on today. Don’t wait for the child to return to school then wait for the school to action it, please do it yourself and do it today. It sounds like a cry for help.

If you want to know why the court will enforce contact when we all (and anyone with even a bit of common sense and humanity would) immediately think this child would be better off without going to her Dads then watch the episode of Victoria Derbyshire on "secrecy in the family court" on IPLAYER.

You will be shocked!

The courts will enforce contact with "D' F at any cost and it really is any cost!

I'm shocked that you are even asking this question.
It's a no brainer, you call NSPCC and report it to them. They will pass it on to social services if they think it's necessary (which I expect they will).
You tell the mother as a courtesy / heads up. But you must report to NSPCC and not just tell the mother.

I was abused as a child, I ‘protected’ my mum too.
Please talk to the mum and social services.

www.nspcc.org.uk/what-you-can-do/report-abuse/

No one listened to me when I tried to reach out.

Report to Children's services yourself.

Please don't do nothing. You are probably the only person this scared young girl felt safe enough to confide in.

I think contact the NSPCC. www.nspcc.org.uk/what-you-can-do/report-abuse/

Right now, write a report of what happened, how it came up, what was said, dates, times etc whilst it is still fresh in your mind.

Good luck.

I would pass it on to social services directly. The mum might be scared to rock the boat or scared any report would be construed as her causing trouble with the dad etc. As an adult I'd feel I had a responsibility to report this myself.

NSPCC. Telling the Mum sounds OK in principle - but in effect, all that'll do is upset her and she'll likely start telling the child that you can't say things like that to people (if she's that scared of him). She might even believe nothing could be done about it and has been broken down into thinking it won't ever change, whatever she says.

Making it official takes any control away from both parents - and it means she isn't seen as being to blame for the allegations or keeping them quiet/rehearsing the child, as it's completely out of her hands.

I hope the OP comes back and confirms that she has reported this...

As others have said:
Write everything she said down, just as she said it.

I would then contact Children's social services
Email a copy to the girls school with Confidential: FAO Safeguarding lead in the reference and give a copy to mum. It is important the school can build a picture of her home life should social services not be able to act immediately and you cant necessarily rely on mum being able to stop contact as it may be court ordered etc.

Do not tell the girl you will keep her safe, you cant promise that, tell her she can always talk to you though.

I would -
Thank the child for trusting them. Remind her that there are trusted adults at school that she can talk to, too.

Refer to MASH/MARU.

Tell Mum I was doing this.

My child has disclosed the first three and last three on the list, but it doesn't meet thresholds for intervention. I would hope that the middle section of disclosures would meet thresholds and the child gets the help she needs.

The child obviously feels they can share this with you. Listen to them, and act upon the information they’ve given you. Speak to social services or the NSPCC, it’s everyones responsibility to safe guard children. Don’t just tell the mum.

You don't need to know ANYTHING about the child or family

You DON'T have to talk to the mother first

You SHOULD call any of the Childline / NSPCC numbers. They will tell you who, if anyone els you need to contact.

School safeguarding, Social Services, MASH etc should and will be brought in. But you don't have t conatcat al of them yourself. The way safeguarding works is you report to ONE of the agencies and, in your situation NSPCC, Childline or the school, whichever you feel most comfortable with - remembering it is half term.

Child Protection number at your local council immediately and tell the mother too.

If you're in Scotland, the Childrens Panel will take into account the wishes of the child not to see her father.

I think you need to do more than just tell her mum. Please contact nspcc or social services. Nspcc can give you guidance.

Agree you need to report this. The little girl told you because she wants you to do something. Don't feel like you're betraying her trust. She's probably desperate for you to do something.

MASH or LCSS of your local area. MASH is for reporting what you know to be cases of abuse and they will investigate - there's also an out of ours number. LCSS is for advice and you can remain nameless too, however it doesn't stop things from being escalated if you think it should be. Think I would be calling MASH. When it comes to safeguarding children there's no overreacting. Anything innocent can be sorted out.

Don't wait to talk to school - it's half term!

You can call the local authority - if you Google for your area you should get the details. Please do speak to mum as well, but NOT in front of the child.

I would report that to social services or speak to the NSPCC before speaking to the Mum.

Mainly because if you tell Mum, then Mum calls for help the first thing that is going to be said by Dad is "Mum told her to say that".

Write everything down - what you said, what she said, in as much detail as possible. Write down how the conversation ended - "X went off to play" "The door rang and X went to play" so that there is a clear outline of the whole conversation and no room for anyone to suggest that you didn't tell everything.

Once you'd reported it I'd tell Mum the outline of what was said and who you had reported it too.

I would speak to the mother but also tell her that you have a duty to the child to report to ss. Don't leave the burden of responsibility to the mum she may sweep,it under the carpet or be frightened of him herself. Please involve someone else.

If that was my child, I'd want to know! And I'd certainly be involving whoever I needed to to ensure my child's safety!

Good luck OP!

Please do something op, don’t just ignore it. Agree with previous posters. Call nspcc for advice as to what to do next.