Page 34 | To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

Pinkbutton85 · 2019-05-29T07:32:44+00:00

I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

DramaRamaLlama · 30/05/2019 19:56

For the posters who claim a need to be at home to support education of your DC how do you reconcile educational success for your DDs with a view that children need a parent at home?

Given that most SAHPs are women is your expectation that your DDs are at home with your future grandchildren? If so what's the point of the academic success firvehich you strive?

RomanyQueen1 · 30/05/2019 19:57

Working parents may not be around for the same amount of time as a sahp, they may not do as much parenting. Obviously you can't be with your children and at work unless you work for Brittas Empire, and can make do with a drawer
But it doesn't matter who does what and how if your children are well cared for.

JacquesHammer · 30/05/2019 19:58

For the posters who claim a need to be at home to support education of your DC how do you reconcile educational success for your DDs with a view that children need a parent at home?

I don’t think you need to be at home to ensure educational success.

However I very much support education for education’s sake. So if my DD decides she wants to be a SAHM, then that’s absolutely her choice and doesn’t affect my thinking that she needs to attain education success now, if that makes sense!

mbosnz · 30/05/2019 20:01

Well, my kids are being brought up with academic success meaning they have a wide range of opportunities when it comes to career selection and the means to support themselves as being focal.

They're both daughters.

I didn't choose SAHP'ing. I kind of reluctantly dropped into it. I totally agree that women should be able to support themselves - and my daughters are being brought up to do that for themselves. (I can still remember DH's face when a person said to our toddler that she needed to marry rich - mine must have been a picture too. . .!)

I don't think children necessarily need a parent at home. It's a bit like grandparents for me. It's a 'nice to have', that many can't have, and it's not a three part tragedy if they don't have.

ooooohbetty · 30/05/2019 20:01

I haven't read the whole thread but I have noticed a few posts saying older children need you at home just as much as young children. This is bollocks and is regularly trotted out by my friend as an excuse for not getting a job. I'm all for being a sahm if you're lucky enough to be able to do it. I went back to work when I didn't need to and regret it now.

nuxe1984 · 30/05/2019 20:02

Do what you want to do and sod what anyone else thinks, it's none of their business!

Some people might get bored; others like to spend their time pottering around the house, cleaning, making home-cooked meals, etc.

Each to his own …

If you can afford to stay and home and want to, then stay. If you don't need to work but think you need some sort of outlet to interest you, meet people, etc. then do some voluntary work.

Homeallday · 30/05/2019 20:02

This might be a good place to ask, how the hell do full time working mothers ( and fathers) manage orthodontist treatment for their dc? Sounds so simple, but I’m about to start the 6 weekly, always school time appts for my fourth child, so will have had nearly 8yrs of this. How do you do that if you work? Serious question.

RomanyQueen1 · 30/05/2019 20:03

Drama

I can only speak for myself.
My dd doesn't want children, of course she may change her mind but feels she can't have her career and children, whether that means a nanny or sahp. Men and dc will just get in the way of her becoming a household name before 30, apparently.
But as she started her career at 8 and isn't really a normal person, with a normal education, I don't know.

Icandothisallday · 30/05/2019 20:03

I feel like my child needs me outside school hours, actually with them. If you don't, that's fine.

My kids have me outside working hours. My son goes to afterschool club for 45 minutes a day. From 4.15pm till bed time (one is much older than the other so bed times vary) they have me. We still go to the park or visit friends on the way home. Have days out. Weekends together.

I dare say if you werent bullied maybe childcare wouldnt have been a trauma for you.

If you want to be a sahm, do it. Dont make out that childcare is bad for all children or working parents dont want to spend time with their kids. Cause that's ridiculous

JacquesHammer · 30/05/2019 20:06

I haven't read the whole thread but I have noticed a few posts saying older children need you at home just as much as young children. This is bollocks and is regularly trotted out by my friend as an excuse for not getting a job

I don’t think it is bollocks to be fair.

Icandothisallday · 30/05/2019 20:07

Homeallday you book appointments for school holidays and use annual leave. And probably not have 4 kids in most cases. I chose to have 2. With a big age gap so I didnt have multiple young children at once. totally my choice.

How do you think single parents manage it?

If you are in a couple and both working, you have 2 sets of annual leave.

Icandothisallday · 30/05/2019 20:08

My daughters education couldnt have gone better. She didnt need a sahp to excel.

Some kids will excel and love having a parent who is a sahp. Some dont. Same as if you work

Homeallday · 30/05/2019 20:09

Icando thank you. I don’t know how single parents manage it, but thats why I asked. I hadn’t thought about the holidays being at roughly the right intervals.

mbosnz · 30/05/2019 20:10

Absolutely agree, you do not need to have a SAHP to excel. That is really not a major causative factor in whether children excel or not.

Icandothisallday · 30/05/2019 20:13

Homeallday ds had a traumatic event last year. So that's how he works his appointments.

I also job hop. I am moving to another job in my company that is 45 hours a week but I run my own diary and work from home whenever I want. So in my new role I could work 6am-7.30am at home. Get ds ready for school, take him. Then got to the office until 3pm pick him up. Then work at home when he is in bed.

I did have to leave a job last year and looked for s company with more flexibility, then sought out posts with more flexibility. I wont be pursuing promotion anytime soon though, with these working conditions.

Icandothisallday · 30/05/2019 20:16

Homeallday sorry forgot to say, I can either work around his appointments in the new role. Or take the day off.

TheCherries · 30/05/2019 20:17

I am a SAHM I have been for 16 years. I have volunteered the whole time for charities and good causes that work for me. I have been there to ferry the children to their activities and oversee homework and be here for the holidays.

Financial dependency should be considered within your relationship. I ensure I have money transferred to my account each month for me to spend as I see fit and the credit card for family spending without questions.

A little part of me wishes I had kept a career going but then I didn’t really enjoy my job anyway so it wasn’t a huge loss. However I wish I had diversified.

Deadpoet · 30/05/2019 20:18

I’ve been a SAHM for 17 years and counting. My youngest is 8 and I have no plans to return to work once he goes to secondary school. I’ve never been bored, I’m too busy in the house and garden for boredom.

G5000 · 30/05/2019 20:20

Homeallday I would just go and do the work earlier or later. Totally normal where I work. And there's no reason why many other workplaces could not offer similar family friendly flexibility.

Homeallday · 30/05/2019 20:35

Icando and G500. Thank you. When I worked ( NHS) I wouldn’t have been able to work flexibly, that makes a big difference.
I became a SAHM after my youngest started school, mainly due to childcare. Also because my eldest 2 were training for their sports every evening, which meant the evenings were spent driving them round, we were both shattered and something had to give. We were very lucky we could manage without my wage, though it wasn’t easy .

Applesbananaspears · 30/05/2019 20:36

I work but I’m only out of the home 3 days a week, I have total flexibility, if I need to work from home I do. I regularly WFH 1-2 days a week. My children get home from school at 5, I’m home by 6. I hardly think they’re suffering.

It might just be me but my children don’t tend to need me between 5 & 6. They need me and want to get in discussions at 9pm when I think I’m sitting down for a quiet evening. I’m there for them. I have the dates I need to be at school and book them in my diary. Between DH and I we take days leave in the holidays so that we don’t need childcare more than twice a week in the holidays. And the biggest advantage of working is that I could avoid PTA and getting involved with helping at school which is so not up my street.

I have no need to work but I do it because I love it. I’ve had periods of SAHM’ing and I nearly died of boredom and depression after a few months. There was only so much gym, coffee, shopping, cooking, visiting relatives and tidying I could do before I wanted to cry with frustration. The lure of Netflix and baking and folding even more washing was just not doing it for me.

milkshak3 · 30/05/2019 20:39

homeallday

Mine doesn't need dental work but one has complex SN and regular appointments.

We manage by taking annual leave (sometimes me, sometimes DH), or work time back (my work lets me take a laptop home and I do a few hours later into the evening/night) and unpaid parental leave.

It is totally doable, just needs organisation esp if it is only one block and not something like appointments for years which many parents of disabled DC have to handle.

Tigger001 · 30/05/2019 20:47

I am currently a SAHM and I love it. I have thought about going back to work once our DS starts school but only if I find a job that works around school hours and holidays or i will set up with my own idea of a business.
The money to us would be helpful but not essential, so if the job doesn't fit, I won't be doing it.

I most definitely would not be bored as I would volunteer and have enough interests to really get involved with.

DramaRamaLlama · 30/05/2019 20:47

Homeallday I'm sufficiently senior that I can take up whatever time I want because it's a given I'll make it up elsewhere.

So ironically I work in one of these "demanding high powered" jobs that many claim they need to be a SAHM to support but I have more flexibility than the average call centre worker.

Icandothisallday · 30/05/2019 20:48

When I worked ( NHS) I wouldn’t have been able to work flexibly, that makes a big difference.

I currently work in change and one of the big things I changed was the ability for everyone to wfh, for at least 1 or 2 days.

The managers there kept saying it was GDPR, our targets would suffer etc. Except our other office managed just fine.

Luckily, my huge company also works with the council on reducing pollution in the city. I ran trials, proved the results, got the council to back the plan and proved it worked. Now everyone has the option to work from home 2 days a week if they want.

Alot of companies could be more flexible, offer job share etc.

My role had some flexibility and wanted everyone who could have it, to actually have it.

My company has a large uptake of shared parental leave. So they are getting there. It need some pushing sometimes.

The new job (different site) have got flexible working cracked.