To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

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I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

And my DH earns under 30k

We get TC and do have a long term plan, hopefully once ds is at senior school some of the child care issues will be reduced, but I agree that it is utterly foolish to be relying on TC into the future, because they won't be the same at all

@mbonz I don’t think it’s all faux concern.

You only have to look at threads on here to say how many women are completely screwed.

How many think it could never happen to them, and then it does and they’re blindsided and fucked, really.

Look, don’t get me wrong, I haven’t slagged off SAHP and nor would I. I see the validity in it.

But I think it’s unfair for either “tribe” to gloat over the other, and I would like to think that at least some of the concern about the vulnerability of SAHMs is real.

All of the SAHMs who are making small amounts of cash, or setting up businesses, or working “very part-time hours”, can I ask what it is you’re doing?

Amongst the mums I know, this could be freelancing (e.g. photography, writing, website design), tuition or teaching musical instruments, yoga, baby classes etc, makings things and selling on Etsy, doing nails, dog walking. Loads of different things that you can do for several hours a week and earn a few hundred or a grand a month. I suppose in lower income households it could be a substantial amount of money but if you've got a successful husband, it feels more like you're a SAHM with a little side hobby with a few quid coming in.

Ivanapee Novelist. ( First time I've ever written that!!) I have a few romantic comedies out

I think we'd have to be pretty bloody stupid to think it could never happen to us. Then again, we're supposed to be bloody stupid, just by mere fact of being a SAHP, aren't we?!

I don't think it's all faux concern, but I think there's a significant amount of 'concern' expressed that could more accurately be described as 'doom wishing' if there is such a term. If there isn't, there should be. A secret hope that, as my mother in her less palatable moments puts it when talking about something nasty happening to someone, 'that now they'll learn what life's all about'. . .

SAHMs always say their DH's job is important, or high earning, or demanding, or requiring travel. If that's true, surely that was a choice? Why can't both parents have normal jobs that aren't so all-consuming and share responsibilities for the children?

Yes, a choice we're very happy with. DH wouldn't want an average 9-5 and I, happy that he's got a great career as it benefits all of us.

@stayathomer that’s brilliant! Well done!

I'm in awe stayathomer!

Ivanapee Thank you!!!!

mbosnz Thank you too!! And have some as well!

When my children were wee, for many years I freelanced from home (features writer). I didn't consider myself a SAHM, although did do the lions share of domestic drudge & childcare, because my work was flexible (and at time non-existent!). But it meant I never had a gap on my CV & got back into the workplace easily when the time seemed right. So however ever little work you do, however sporadic and ill-remunerated - it will all count later if you need or want to get back to work for any reason. My advice to women is to 'keep your hand in', even in the teensiest of ways, because life has a way of lobbing curve balls.

As an aside, PMSL at the stay home mum with horses who is claiming tax credits - worra liberty!!!!

I do not find the idea of SAHM-hood provocative. Rather, I think that significant tranches of women opting into medium or long-term SAHM-hood (or underemployment) is incompatible with modern feminism inasmuch as it seeks to redress the imbalance of women in certain roles and industries.

This is just that capitalist feminist slant again though Alaskanoilbaron, and quite a narrow one at that. I'm a feminist and would never want to not work, but plenty of us don't actually view a mode where we all do lots of hours in workplaces in traditional models of work as desirable. DH and I are much more work less, earn less, consume less, and neither of us is up for long hours. You might call it underemployment, we find it a better (and greener) way of living than the other ones we tried.

Aw, it's the life, couldn't work for an employer now, but have a couple of projects on the go atm.
What do you call yourself when dc have left home, and you aren't a housewife? Retired sahm?
Person who hobbies? I've never done coffee shops, lunches with friends etc.

I have several friends who are SAHM's to older children and all are very busy. There doesn't seem to be much downtime, and they have the ability to help out at the school, I would if O could and doubt that there would be much time to be bored. If you're happy to do so, then why not.

All of the SAHMs who are making small amounts of cash, or setting up businesses, or working “very part-time hours”, can I ask what it is you’re doing

I work periodically on property.

Another mum I know sells shoes for a certain section of society. (Can’t say anymore as it would be completely outing)

One buys and sells on eBay a certain product.
Her business is so successful her dh has given up his job and joined her

Another trades in clothing.

Avon lady.

Mobile beautician and hairdresser.

One makes cakes

One makes jewellery (single mum so it is her only income)

I think if you don’t SAH and don’t give yourself time to think of an alternative to rushing back to work then you don’t know what you could achieve.

couldn't work for an employer now, but have a couple of projects on the go atm.

What does that mean? Projects? Are they paid?

Thanks @oliversmumsarmy - do you mean you’ve a property portfolio? Or like interior design or something?

I think if you don’t SAH and don’t give yourself time to think of an alternative to rushing back to work then you don’t know what you could achieve

I totally agree, and have achieved far more satisfaction from being a sahm and dipping into various projects, than I ever did from working and I left a fantastic career to become a sahm. It was great before the kids, but completely impractical once dc came along, especially as I didn't agree with paying for childcare when i could do a better job and it wouldn't cost us, in fact tc was payment for being sahm.

I think it depends on what you'd be doing with your time. I'd rather be unfulfilled at home than unfulfilled at work personally!
I'm a SAHM I don't intend on going back to work when my youngest starts school but I'm hoping to get more involved volunteering at school, have ambitions to be a writer, will be decorating my house on top of all the stuff I do already. So I don't think I'll be bored. I should say my dh is usually away 3-4 nights a week with longer trips every couple of months so if I committed to a job as well I'm not sure who would pick up the slack. Every family is different though.

Musical projects, applying for grants, renovating properties or project managing renovations.
I try not to make money as would lose tc, then wouldn't be able to afford school fees for dd.

I do not find the idea of SAHM-hood provocative. Rather, I think that significant tranches of women opting into medium or long-term SAHM-hood (or underemployment) is incompatible with modern feminism inasmuch as it seeks to redress the imbalance of women in certain roles and industries.

My guess is that if a large scale study was done now on how much child care, housework and caring for relatives was done by working women, compared to men; it would show that women do more on the whole than men. Feminism is in my opinion, doing women a disservice if it pushes mothers out to work, who don't want to have to struggle with all these roles at once; it should address the patriarchal structures and attitudes in men to put women on an equal playing field with men; and ask for universal child care and social care (for vulnerable relatives) for all working parents, who want it (rather than the patchy provision we have now).

My DP works part time as we put family first here. You may make different choices? If he worked more we would lose TCs. He is very involved with the kids, and does the school run with ud most days. Special family time is important to us, more important than working to line someone else's pocket.

Um.....
Other people are working to pay tax to fund your TCs. So essentially people are working to line your pockets so you can enjoy ‘family time’.
But hey enjoy your TCs because you won’t get away with that once UC kicks in in your area.

i didnt go back to work till my youngest was in year 4, but looking back, im much happier back working now than i was staying at home while they were in school.

I'm a SAHM and plan to continue once youngest is at school. Looking forward to getting more involved volunteering at school.