To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

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I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

Wait hang on, how is that poster getting tax credits if her husband works? My husband doesn't earn a particularly good wage and we are not entitled to anything??

LOL at the pony comment. Yes, I can't work either because who would then dust my Vuitton handbag collection??

“I might have a teeny issue with some SAHMs who claim I can't be a loving parent and have thrown my kids to some random wolves to raise.”
and
Who has said that though Katharina? Nobody has said that on this thread (as far as I’m aware)? So again, why the need to get defensive? What is provoking you?

Pa1oma, JoJoSM2 made this charming remark, which many posters rightly challenged her on:

We feel it'll be much nicer for me to do the wrap around and holiday care rather than outsourcing it to some randomers.

This is a familiar lazy stereotype on these threads -- that working parents just grab a passerby and hand over their tots. Hard not to see that as someone trying to justify their decision to be a SAHM by demonising childminders and after school care.

Where people claim that they need to be SAHMs to offer warm meals and loving homes - clearly implying you can't do the same when working

I in no way implied that, or intended to imply that. It has, however, been inferred by some posters. I am not responsible for how you choose to take what I said.

I said it as an example of some of the things my kids enjoy about me being home.

It has been seized upon by certain posters as being a SAHP making themselves out to be superior parents to WOHP which it was in no way intended as such - later I have clearly stated I have a hell of a lot of respect for WOHP and all the achieve all day, every day, knowing what a juggle it is - having been one.

I understand that some posters cannot afford SAHP respect, but could they perhaps try for a little courtesy? Like not mocking SAHP's insulting their intelligence, implying they do nothing all day, saying how they mooch off their husbands, and have no self respect? Is that really how we should speak about other women? No need for men to put the boot in, other women will always run pretty fast to make sure they get their kicks in first. Nasty.

The variations of job / career are as varied as the permutations of SAHM set-ups.,Yet people seem hell-bent in castigating SAHMs as a “type”.

They can't be that varied because 95% of SAHPs are mothers, which means somehow women are in the exclusive position of having a less important or less interesting job/career.

SAHMs always say their DH's job is important, or high earning, or demanding, or requiring travel. If that's true, surely that was a choice? Why can't both parents have normal jobs that aren't so all-consuming and share responsibilities for the children?

In a world of easy divorce and increased opportunities for infidelity and marital breakdown, being 100% financially reliant on your romantic partner just seems unwise.

I worked in a "high powered" industry as a graduate and I saw many of my male colleagues divorcing and leaving their SAHM wife for a career woman. Maybe it's that experience that shook me and convinced me never to be complacent and leave myself vulnerable.

Oh, incidentally - the warm meal that has irritated so many so greatly (sorry DungeonDragon, clearly very triggering for you), I meant that my kids don't have time to eat lunch at school, so they wait until home, and I do them a late hot lunch. Which I can because I'm home when they get home from school. (Oh, and even having a SAHM, yes, they're more than capable of getting both that hot drink AND the hot lunch themselves, so no, my kids are not some useless Mummy's girls who can't do for themselves, because I do it all for them. Like some kind of a 'servant).

Not talking about dinner or tea - which clearly it would be pretty bloody ignorant and stupid to say that WOHP's can't or don't provide a hot meal for their kids. I just thought I should clear that up in case anyone was silly enough to think I meant this.

return what do you mean by 'not a particularly good wage' though? The threshold is tiered so the more children the higher the threshold.

I work, we get TC which is somewhat increased with the disability allowance.

All of the SAHMs who are making small amounts of cash, or setting up businesses, or working “very part-time hours”, can I ask what it is you’re doing?!

Also that's working! I'm confused - are people who work from home or own businesses defining themselves as SAHM?

To me a SAHM does not earn a wage or income at all, she does not work to focus on home and children.

mbosnz my nanny is quite a good cook and my DCs get hot meals whether or not I'm home

If you want to and can afford to why not.
I am a sahp all mine are at school, college, work my youngest is 13. I like being here when they get home, providing a nice meal and being able to do jobs that need doing during the day. I keep myself busy with my baking whicj I really enjoy, i also pop in on the mother in law and clean her flat. I do all the decorating, gardening at home and i enjoy trying out different recipes, being at home gives me time to do that. I am however at 42 starting driving lessons and potentially looking at setting up my own business. One thing at a time though.

@returnofsaturn I have 5 DC so I get good TCs. My DP works part time as we put family first here. You may make different choices? If he worked more we would lose TCs. He is very involved with the kids, and does the school run with ud most days. Special family time is important to us, more important than working to line someone else's pocket.

Also, it needs 2 of us to be home after school as the DC do so many activities! I can't be on 2 places at once :)

95% of SAHPs are mothers, which means somehow women are in the exclusive position of having a less important or less interesting job/career.

Ah but that depends. I've seen right here on MN exactly the same job described as family friendly, so of course it's that person who takes time off if DC need it, if the job is done by the woman. And important, impossible to take time off, if it's done by the father of the children. Same job.

Actually we also get tax credits, 3 children at home..one who is disabled, and due to my own health issues I can not work at the moment, i have however worked at various points throughout having my children. So i have done both at different points. I can see the benefits of both sides of the coin.

mbosnz my nanny is quite a good cook and my DCs get hot meals whether or not I'm home

That's awesome! If I weren't home, they wouldn't have a nanny - of course, as I said, they could get it themselves! It's not a reason why I stay home, it's a happy offshoot, (for them, lol) that I do it sometimes for them. Servile though it might seem to some - I like to do something nice for those I love - it costs me nothing.

There also seems to be a misconception that if there is a SAHM, there will be a hands-off Dad. Not necessarily. DH is an extremely involved father, and does at least as much with the kids, if not a lot more, when he is here. Which is fantastic.

Sometimes it is less stressful for the family as a whole to have one parent that is always available and always there for illness, medical appointments, school mertings and school holidays. In our case dh is sometimes there as well because ds really needs two adults support but it takes a lot of stress out of our situation by knowing I am always there. With a teenager like ds there is no childcare or respite either. This is our best chance of ds living with us till adulthood.

Also that's working! I'm confused - are people who work from home or own businesses defining themselves as SAHM?

Yes, exactly!

So I’ll ask my question again:

What are you doing to work from home/earn a small amount/run a business/work very part time hours.

And if you are doing that, why do you consider yourself a SAHM?

@returnofsaturn I have 5 DC so I get good TCs. My DP works part time as we put family first here. You may make different choices? If he worked more we would lose TCs.

How utterly foolish. Are you aware that those TCs will end within the next year or so and you will be moved onto UC because the government got tired of paying for your choice to have loads of kids and expect everyone else to support them? I highly suggest you get clued up about UC asap because it's coming (some families in Yorkshire will be moved onto it this Summer with a massive number of families being moved next year).

Who has said that though Katharina? Nobody has said that on this thread (as far as I’m aware)? So again, why the need to get defensive? What is provoking you?

Everyone's bloody well provoking everyone else, whether it's on mn or rl. We all have some form of guilt or paranoia cos we're all made feel like our choices were fully choices, that it wasn't circumstances that led us to either work or stay at home. When I worked I was constantly told I must feel terrible for having them in creche, now I'm at home after 4 kids ( left after 3) I'm told that I'm lucky I can afford to be at home and people act like I just put my feet up and watch tv all day. I can never say Im tired because I get a look, like 'really?' When people talk work (either friends or family), they discount anything I say and if I meet some one from the past they practically yawn when I say I'm a sahm, then ask when I'm going back to work. The same people who asked would i go pt or leave work cos it must be tough for you all. We're all made to feel like shit all the time.

@BrightYellowDaffodil why do people assume sahp sit around all day. I certainly do not. And dh appreciates what i do, he knows i dont sit around.

*What are you doing to work from home/earn a small amount/run a business/work very part time hours.

And if youaredoing that, why do you consider yourself a SAHM?*
I'm a writer. I earn from it but less than minimum wage so until I earn enough for it to be minimum wage I say I'm a sahm

Like a novelist or a freelance journalist type?

Sorry, I’m just being mosey! 😂

Nosy, even!

I know how us SAHP's can sit on MN buggerising about all day - how do the WOHP's?!

I have it pretty sweet, I know. Then again, DH thinks he's got it pretty sweet. And the DD's think they've got it pretty sweet. So it's working for us. And ultimately, those are the opinions that matter to me.

If it makes the high powered, highly intellectual WOHP's feel any better - yes, I do worry about having been out the workforce so long, will I be able to get another job when I want it. Sadly, that's the way it's worked out for me - some things that have prevented me have been the result of choices made, others not. Other than choosing to live in what turned out to be a deadly quake zone. I guess that was a choice, too, although we didn't know it was a deadly quake zone. Yes, I do worry about pensions, about whether what seems utterly impossible could come to pass, and DH left me. Or snuffed it. Not being completely bereaved of my brain cells by being a SAHM, I can see these concerns, and do worry about them.

But God I hate the faux concern evinced by some women, who actually would really get their jollies if it did come to pass, all the while shedding their crocodile tears.

Ah ok, we only have one child.