To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

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I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

This is just that capitalist feminist slant again

While I don't at all disagree with your larger point about the desirability both working less hours and consuming less, Russian in fact, I think it's an excellent one I think that denigrating the normalisation of working motherhood as 'capitalist' overlooks the fact that until food, clothing and shelter are free (or you live off-grid entirely via barter and eschew the money economy) we live in a world where we need money. And disproportionate female poverty is a huge problem, even in developed countries.

My guess is that if a large scale study was done now on how much child care, housework and caring for relatives was done by working women, compared to men; it would show that women do more on the whole than men.

What is your point here? Be a SAHM because, even if you aren't, your husband doesn't see it as his job to do the laundry, so you may as well take the entire load and remove from him the horrors of being expected to do childcare and cooking, and from you the horrors of childcare, cooking and a job?

Feminism is in my opinion, doing women a disservice if it pushes mothers out to work, who don't want to have to struggle with all these roles at once; it should address the patriarchal structures and attitudes in men to put women on an equal playing field with men; and ask for universal child care and social care (for vulnerable relatives) for all working parents, who want it (rather than the patchy provision we have now).

Silvia Federici wrote 'Wages for Housework' in 1975. Are you a feminist, Mont? Do you have ideas how feminists in 2019 can 'address the patriarchal structures and attitudes in men'? Don't you think that's what feminism has been working on since its inception?

This is going to sound so cynical but I'd work part time, study, retrain ext. I'd hate to not have my own cash or be in a vulnerable position where I couldn't provide. Even if we were comfortable enough, you never know what's around the corner

@mussminagrindlay we won't have UC for ages, families of more than three children are protected :)

Even if we take a small dip in income, I'd rather be out riding in the sunshine than stuck in a dreary office, thanks.

I'm hoping ours lasts out until dd leaves school and then we'll have had about 30 years of tc in one form or another.
If uc comes before then, we'll just have to cut cloth accordingly.

@Oliversmumsarmy "I work periodically on property." Are you a cleaner?

Sorry if this is a daft question - what are tax credits, how much is it and how do you know if you are eligible for it? How long does it go on for?

IvanaPee I buy, renovate and sell property.

Sometimes I don’t bother to renovate. I just flip it.

I picked up a flat in London a few years ago and sold it the next day for £25000 more. And had people queuing at the door.

The most bored I have been ever been is going to work

*If I worked we would only lose our tax credits, which are the same amount as I would earn working full time anyway, so I would need to be crazy to work!

I would need to pay for after school care, and pay someone to do and ride my horse and DDS pony. So it totally wouldn't be worth it for us.*

Is that a joke?

I would not have been a SAHM if I couldn’t have done it without state handouts (including tax credits). Personally I don’t think anyone should have the luxury of additional state handouts while making an active decision to not go to work.

@oliversmumsarmy I would love to do that. I actually wouldn’t consider you a SAHM though. More a property tycoon

It’s all so subjective, really.

Looking forward to getting more involved volunteering at school.

Is this a goal for you, like do you want to work in a school/be around children or are you “settling” for it because you’re at home?

The reason I ask is there are a lot of posters on here talking about how limiting it is but in your case if you want to work with children, but you don’t need money and you still want to be able to dictate what you do and when, then this is a perfectly valid goal and not something you’ve been forced into by circumstances, IYSWIM.

We do live in a world where we need money, but we dont live in a world where we all need to work flat out to not be poor, and equally for lots of women the system of global capitalism isnt what's going to stop them being poor anyway. However hard they work.

I don't think mothers working is any more or less capitalist than anyone else doing it, but I do think we need to question the idea that us all participating in these modes of work is so inherently desirable that there's a detrimental feminist effect when we limit our participation in them. Even if you're looking at things purely in terms of female poverty, which I agree is vital, the traditional workplace is changing all the time. And many of us find opportunities for economic success outside it. Some such opportunities arise purely because of not working full time.

I do also think there needs to be acknowledgement in this discussion that because of climate change and automation, what work and society will look like in a few decades is going to be really different anyway. So again the idea that it's better if we all participate more in capitalism needs challenging.

No, I am not a feminist. I believe women are equal to men. I went to grammar school when girls had to get a higher score than boys to get in, I went to my university when the ratio of men to women was 3:1; and I trained in what was then a male dominated profession and suffered the sex discrimination, as was normal at that time.

However, it’s not a battle I am interested in, because I have had to advocate for my daughter with learning disabilities all her life, and I consider there is worse discrimination against the disabled in this country in terms of education, health, employment, etc!

All of the SAHMs who are making small amounts of cash, or setting up businesses, or working “very part-time hours”, can I ask what it is you’re doing?!

Writing. Lots of web content stuff for a few big clients. Currently almost finished a large batch of multiple choice questions on Brazil. Then I have a few blogs to do about a european holiday destination.

I tend not to say I work for myself because people automatically assume you are going to try to sell them something or recruit them into your "amazing opportunity". I'm sure that most parents who see me attending sports days or volunteering in the charity shop think I don't work at all.

Pa1oma

Tax credits are weekly payments given to those earning a low income, usually with children.
There are rules that apply to different circumstances and you are awarded depending on your income and number of children.
It's basically obsolete now in many areas, UC has taken over and has a different set of rules. many people have lost out especially those wanting to be a sahp. There's much more to it, but that's a basic description. It has been going since the early 90's and was brought in by John Major conservative government, under the title of Family credit. Here's one of the fist tv ads from 89/90

I have however been reading a lot recently about gender inequality in terms of child care, housework and care of the elderly!

No, I am not a feminist. I believe women are equal to men.

No, I am not a feminist. I believe women are equal to men

You're a feminist then. Feminism is the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes. Unless you believe that we're equal but shouldn't have equal rights, which would be bizarre

@DonkeyHohtay see now I would say you work from home, not that you’re a SAHM!

Mont, feminism is about fighting so that women are treated equally educationally, socially, politically, economically which demonstrably is not the case yet, cf paygap, lack of representation of women at higher professional levels, in politics, violence against women, etc etc. The fact that you individually managed to achieve in male-dominated fields despite being a woman doesn't mean anything, any more than Thatcher and May being PM mean that politics is a level playing field.

I don't disagree with you about discrimination against disabled people, but it's hardly an either/battle. Your daughter faces double discrimination.

@mussminagrindlay we won't have UC for ages, families of more than three children are protected smile

Not any more. That went in February of this year. You're not protected from anything anymore. Dreary office far better than a wet street corner . Complete migration is expected to be complete by March 2022.

Olivetsmum - yes I also renovate properties, but only if the right one comes along. I’ve done about 7 now. Tbh, if I think of it this way, if I was at work full time, I’d maybe be earning £80k or so, but the last property I did, I effectively earned 7 years salary. But I still call myself a SAHM because I am really. I also teach ballet for 5-9 year olds a few hours a week to help a friend, but I don’t need paying for that because I love it. I’ve run two half-marathons and a full one which I never could have done even in my 20s. I’ve trained as a Pilates teacher because I was doing Pilates several times a week anyway so made a qualification out of it..But I’m embarking on another MA to train as an adult psychotherapist and this is what I’ll be (hopefully) doing through my late 40s and into my 60s (but part-time). I think there are loads of options for SAHMs at any stage of life. Life is what you make it!

I think there are loads of options for SAHMs at any stage of life. Life is what you make it!

If they have the money to do all these things, yes!

UC has taken over and has a different set of rules. many people have lost out especially those wanting to be a sahp.

What a shame the likes of Happymum will "lose out" on the freedom to go to buy a horse, go to the gym and have leisurely lunches with 'the girls' everyday and take her 5 kids to Disney at the expense of the taxpayer.

As a family of 3 we are absolutely not protected from UC, it is hard to find a time line but I know it will be going.

What a shame the likes of Happymum will "lose out" on the freedom to go to buy a horse, go to the gym and have leisurely lunches with 'the girls' everyday and take her 5 kids to Disney at the expense of the taxpayer.

It is simply not true that living on benefits would allow this lifestyle.
People's value also has to be measured in more than the tax they pay. Otherwise where is the value of the disabled, the young and the poorer elderly.
The value of a job also cannot be measured in the amount of tax it raises.
My worth as a person doesn't change depending on my current economic situation and neither does anyone else's.

Yes I'd take happymums posts with as much salt as you have available.