To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

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I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

I think every time a woman stays at home or goes part time it sets feminism back, if I’m honest,

Feminism to me was about having the freedom of choice, and of opportunity, to work. For both sexes.

I've definitely had feminists judge me as having 'sold out'. I guess we have different understandings of what feminism is about. Which is fair. There are many rooms in this particular mansion. .

I think every time a woman stays at home or goes part time it sets feminism back, if I’m honest.

Whoops, meant to post what a load of absolute tripe. Feminism is about having choices.

These threads never go well. I've always worked but have never been jealous of SAHMs or thought them stupid/foolish. I have a good friend who was a SAHM, has never managed to get back into a career and now probably never will. Such a shame as she has a lot to offer. But no one really makes the choice about becoming a SAHM based on maybe wanting a paid job in 15 years' time. Whereas if you carry on working you potentially have more choices.

Do men do it Jacques?

Then there’s your answer.

Do men do it Jacques?

My ex works part time on days he has DD, yes.

I work part time. I also run two businesses and command enough as my hourly rate to not need to work full time.

I’m sure you’re going to tell me why a woman who has set up two businesses but only works part time because finances permit is a bad feminist though

Do you have a private pension, savings?
How will you fund your retirement?

So many MN's hung up on pensions and savings. Is it so impossible to imagine that some couples have joint assets and therefore take joint decisions on how to live their lives.

Argh this thread is turning into a bit of a scrap!

OP it's really all personal choice. What do YOU want. If you want to be a SAHP, be one. If you want to be a WOHP, be one. If you don't do what YOU want, you'll begin to feel worn down by your choices and possibly even jealous of others who have made the choice you wish you had made. Consider yourself lucky to have the choice, some parents don't. There is no right or wrong answer, only what is right for you and your family.

I could never have done it, worked too hard to get to a certain level in my career. Have a strong need for independence,and am a life long feminist.Like to model that lifestyle to my DC especially DDS. But,really ,honestly,I respect others,some really close family/friends in real life who choose a different path

I am frantically trying to work out how to work less now that both DC re at school. Homework, clubs, activities etc. Even just my presence to chat to them about things that are important feel so important right now. I don't think I'd be bored at all as a SAHM to school going children, and it would take a huge amount of the pressure off - no worrying about holidays, no worries about being able to attend school events, no juggling to make doctors appointments. Doing homework in a calm environment rather than while simultaneously trying to tidy up and/or cook dinner.... sounds like bliss.

I didn’t ask what your ex did Jacques

I asked what men did, the collective meaning what do they generally do (you know, like ‘the victorians believed ...’)

I asked what men did, the collective meaning what do they generally do

Arf.

I certainly understand now, when we were over here visiting, prior to relocating, why, when I asked a woman if she worked outside the home, she got a bloody hard edge to her voice, when she replied she didn't, if this is the kind of reaction she routinely got.

Yes I would and did. However I volunteered and furthered my education. It's wonderful spending so much time with DC and not having the stress of work and childcare. But there are downsides. Feeling judged, self esteem etc. Worry that if your relationship breaks down you would be forced back and find it harder to get a job. I would go for it but keep your hand in somewhere either study or volunteer at some stage to protect yourself and earning future..

In real life, people just don’t have these kind of conversations about WOH or SAH. Definitely no judgements are made by women about other women and what they may or may not be doing in their daily lives. It’s nonsense. This imonlt hspiens In MN. In real life, families just co-operate in whatever way is most efficient for everyone.

When I go to the school for 3.30 pick-ups, it’s 95% mums there and a few nannies, but after all these years, I genuinely have no idea if any of these women work or not. Maybe they’ve rushed there from a job; maybe they work part-time somewhere or from home? Who knows? In 15 or so years, I can genuinely say that nobody has ever asked me if I work or not. I’ve never thought to ask someone either. It’s only if they happen mention something in passing, otherwise Id be none the wiser. I have no idea if our nextdoor neighbours work - she’s at home, but could be WOH; he also is at home most of the time, but they must be doing something. Even DH has never worked fixed hours. He’s working from home today, but next week will be overseas.

Thete is no such thing as a typical “job” - what does that even mean? There is no such thing as a typical family either and this is why these threads make no sense to me.

Sigh.

Jacques you know full well what I mean. It’s really irritating when you pretend you don’t. But I guess you had to get a nice stealth boast in

The trend overwhelmingly is that women give up work altogether or go part time. Men don’t.

Obviously there are exceptions. But an exception doesn’t mean there isn’t an issue.

But I guess you had to get a nice stealth boast in

Oh don’t be ridiculous. It was a factual statement.

Whereas “if you’re part-time you’re setting feminism back” isn’t exactly the most sensible of statements, is it?

continuallychargingmyphone I think men are increasingly open to reducing their hours in order to improve their work/life balance, I can think of four in one company department of 22 that I know that have. (And two that have left work altogether to be the SAHP).

Which is progress for everyone!

Bling that's exactly it. Our lifestyle is so much calmer, my ds gets enough quality time at home. DH doesnt use any leave for school holiday childcare.
I previously worked in a similar role to dh, which was just so inflexible to family life. It was difficult with just us two so with children we planned to go the sahp route. As long as theres respect, appreciation and equal financial power then it can work very well.

Done it for a few years as economically it would have been a bigger cost for me to work and pay out childcare with what I did for a living than to be at home (I was supply teaching). Needed the flexibility for hospital and therapy appointments and the stuff like school SEN reviews and the like as well. Now we're at a point where DH has gone up the career ladder a bit to a point he's got a lot more leeway about things like shifting work hours and working from home if required so I went back to do a bit of teaching this year and I'm going back to university in September to do a second degree and change career.

I think if you don't have some kind of focus to your days it can be very isolating though (especially since society and MN tends to view you negatively) - I was in school as a volunteer a lot and a school governor, involved in a lot of local crafting related groups and support groups for my kid's particular difficulties - lots of keeping my CV with something on it and using my skills so they didn't go to waste (and spent a lot of time getting up to date with how mastery has changed Maths teaching as that all came through when I was out of the classroom).

I hope so mbon

Jacques, you took a statement that was clearly general and applied it to your specific circumstances.

Regardless of individual wealth, when the woman either stops work or dramatically reduces her earning, she is then contributing around the home and to raising the children. Feminism wise it’s bad news, no matter how well it works in individual cases.

you took a statement that was clearly general and applied it to your specific circumstances

Because sweeping statements never work.

Regardless of individual wealth, when the woman either stops work or dramatically reduces her earning, she is then contributing around the home and to raising the children. Feminism wise it’s bad news, no matter how well it works in individual cases

Surely it’s only bad news if the woman has made the choice because of societal expectations rather than because it’s what she wants.

I mean, at risk of mortally offending you with my own personal circumstances, I’m a single parent. If I don’t contribute around the home, then who will

I am also a single parent. It’s a serious issue and it’s a pity you obviously see it as a joke.

Regardless of individual wealth, when the woman either stops work or dramatically reduces her earning, she is then contributing around the home and to raising the children. Feminism wise it’s bad news, no matter how well it works in individual cases.

Well, yes. Women who feel it's OK to not work (not criticising, I'm one of them) drive all sorts of employer behaviours that cause working women loads of grief.

It's not a feminist choice, but I hardly care about what's a feminist choice when I'm weighing up my own and my family's happiness.

Who is Carlos?