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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

999 replies

Pinkbutton85 · 29/05/2019 08:32

I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

OP posts:

DonkeyHohtay · 29/05/2019 12:58

Thankfully we have all these high IQ WOHP's here to point this out to us ad nauseum if we have, somehow, had this admittedly important consideration somehow elude us.

Isn't it great? What would we thickie, brain dead, bored out of our skull SAHMs or very part time working mums do without them? We should be so very grateful.

9w7g5d3h4 · 29/05/2019 13:00

Do you have a private pension, savings ?
How will you fund your retirement ?

MrsHormonal2019 · 29/05/2019 13:02

My mum has never had a job since she got married and I'm 30 this year.
She's bored, over weight, has no friends and confidence.
Not a life I would want

ReturnofSaturn · 29/05/2019 13:02

I don’t think anyone has to ‘justify’ not working either! If you want to work then work.
I know I bloody wouldn’t if I didn’t need the money! Life is far too short and I couldn’t give a fuck if someone thought it was lazy.

Definitely this. If I was ever to be in that position, I'd love it. Certainly wouldn't get bored. Only boring people get bored.

ethelfleda · 29/05/2019 13:03

I don’t get the vitriol on these threads.
As corny as it sounds, two things that I value very highly are time and happiness. I know on my death bed I wouldn’t be thinking ‘at least I worked full time until retirement’
If being a SAHM makes you unhappy then don’t do it. Why criticise other people who say they are happy not working?

Mamabear12 · 29/05/2019 13:04

I would come up with a back up plan in case you want to work etc or part time something. I am styling a course part time and when kids are out of school I am able to take them to park, spend time with them, cook dinner, give them baths, put them to bed. If I worked, it would all be rushed in the evening. I am pregnant with my third now and once the third starts nursery, I will begin to work more often part time. Through my course work, I could work part time starting September, which I will do, but still doing course work, so won't be working much.

Whackitupto200 · 29/05/2019 13:04

I do find it a bit strange when SAHMs talk about all the school admin as if it’s really time consuming. I work full time and I still manage to get it all done (DH does absolutely nothing in this area). If I need to attend an awards assembly or take a DC to hospital I just book the morning off using annual leave.

bordellosboheme · 29/05/2019 13:05

I would love to be in that position OP. I'm so burned out with young kids and a high pressure high stakes role. Unfortunately dp took voluntary severance and hasn't managed to get a job since. That was 6 years ago.

Dungeondragon15 · 29/05/2019 13:06

I don’t think it’s impossible for me to work Dungeon. Where do you get that from? Very odd.

I assumed that you didn't think you time to fit in a job considering that you insist that you are so busy and and that your teenagers need you so much. If you genuinely think that you don't have enough hours in the day despite the fact that you don't work how would you manage a job?

Xyzzzzz · 29/05/2019 13:06

Personally I wouldn’t. I like working and earning my own money.

JacquesHammer · 29/05/2019 13:06

If I need to attend an awards assembly or take a DC to hospital I just book the morning off using annual leave

You only have to read threads on MN to appreciate how difficult it can be for some people to take annual leave.

ReturnofSaturn · 29/05/2019 13:09

DungeonDragon...you are beginning to sound very bitter, do you have a touch of the green eyed monster? The lady doth protest too much and all that.

mbosnz · 29/05/2019 13:11

I don't think DungeonDragon sounds bitter. A person of very firm opinions, however. . .

Pa1oma · 29/05/2019 13:11

Dungeon - I wouid manage a job in the same way as other people manage it.

Depends on the job.

But it’s not a competition, so who cares.

sluj · 29/05/2019 13:12

Its entirely up to you if you decide to stay at home providing you are not claiming any benefits and expecting the state to fund it. Whether or not, it's a good plan though depends on your own priorities and ambitions.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 29/05/2019 13:13

I don’t attend every school assembly (ridiculous amount of school events as ds school has lots of sahm who run the pta) but i do attend doctors appointments (few in ds case)

And manage to stay on top on admin, cook fresh food, do things at the weekend and so on

Sure I cut corners at times (frozen very, ready made mash) life is often rushed in the week, home could be a little more tidy, life more organized but it is manageable

Dungeondragon15 · 29/05/2019 13:14

DungeonDragon...you are beginning to sound very bitter, do you have a touch of the green eyed monster? The lady doth protest too much and all that.

Not at all. I would hate not to have a career. I am in my 50s and very happy to be independent.

ReturnofSaturn · 29/05/2019 13:15

Not at all. I would hate not to have a career. I am in my 50s and very happy to be independent.

Very good. And the SAHM's are happy. So everyone's happy.

mbosnz · 29/05/2019 13:16

I don’t attend every school assembly (ridiculous amount of school events as ds school has lots of sahm who run the pta)

LOL, how dare they?! Those nefarious SAHM's, in their conspiracy to make the lives of WOHP's even harder. . . under the guise of fundraising and assisting at the school. Vindictive bitches that they are!

continuallychargingmyphone · 29/05/2019 13:16

The issue I have is that a man not contributing to the housework, childcare and so on would rightly be castigated but a woman not contributing to the finances isn’t.

I think every time a woman stays at home or goes part time it sets feminism back, if I’m honest. But saying that I acknowledge parents need to do what is right for them.

ScatteredMama82 · 29/05/2019 13:16

I wouldn't, I enjoy working and have been lucky enough to find a way to make my career flexible. I do understand the difficulties of working FT and being the 'go-to' parent as I tried that for a while. It was very stressful. That said, once the kids are at school I don't think I could justify not working at all. Yes I COULD fill my time, but I don't think it's fair to my DH who works his butt off for me to just say 'I don't want to work' and therefore make no financial contribution, just spend the money he makes. Now, returning to work may mean childcare costs so you have to factor that in, I realise. It's a very personal decision and everyone's family and finances are different. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer really. I'm just picturing one lady I know, youngest is 9. She's not worked at all since having her eldest. She's always on facebook showing off her designer shopping, her coffee and afternoon tea outings. She never lifts a finger to help with school trips, PTA etc. That's a skewed view though I know, she's just a bad example of a SAHM!!

Parker231 · 29/05/2019 13:18

I can’t imagine staying at home doing hobbies etc whilst DH went to work each day to keep us.

JacquesHammer · 29/05/2019 13:18

I think every time a woman stays at home or goes part time it sets feminism back

How can a woman working part time “set feminism back”?

ANewDawn10 · 29/05/2019 13:19

I'm a sahm but my ds is only 3. He goes to Montessori and finishes at 1.30 so its almost like a school day. I have plenty of time to get 'school admin' done as well as stuff around the house.
And I get plenty of time for myself. When dh gets home everything is done, ds is sorted out and our evenings and weekends are just entirely family quality time.
I wouldnt have gone this route if my dh wasnt supportive and appreciative of my role as a sahm. Financially he has ensured I'm very independent regardless.
Dont worry about what other people think op. If it works for your family then no need to justify yourself.

DonkeyHohtay · 29/05/2019 13:19

I think every time a woman stays at home or goes part time it sets feminism back, if I’m honest.

What

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