To ask when children should use sex assigned toilets?

[newjobnerves]

I have 2 sons, we were at the cinema today and the 3 of us went to the toilet. They're 8 and 5. Today was the first day I felt uncomfortable with him being in the female toilets, I've never even thought for a second about it before, but it was a small toilet and there was a queue and he was stood next to a smaller girl and I realised how big and out of place he looked! I ended up sending him into the men's so he didn't have to queue and my DH was waiting outside (he didn't need to go otherwise they usually go with him)

Anyway this is a rather convoluted (and lighthearted!) thread asking when do you think girls and boys should use the "correct" toilets? I'm not a helicopter parent by any stretch but I do get a bit a nervous at the thought of him being out of sight if DH isn't with us. We are swimming tomorrow, DH is working and I believe 8 is the age at our local swimming pool.

DH often took ours as toddlers because there was no queue for the men's and a long one for the ladies. Different logic. He did that last year for our 5 yo at a service station when the ladies queue was nearly out the door of the service station, not just out the door of the ladies.

Malls in my part of the world have started having family loos. A room that can be locked from inside like a disabled loo but with two toilets partitioned.
I take my boys into the disabled, ladies or even baby changing if not available . If they have to go into the mens- its together .
It's not reported but I do know predatory behaviour happens as well as male in male encounters.

I would say it depends on the situation small toilet in corner of cafe 6. Large busy toilets in service station 10. I think it’s down to the bus parent to risk assess

I think it depends. I have all boys, my youngest is 6 and will use the mens but I do make one of his brothers go with him. I was more hesitant with my older son at first but around 8 he didn't want to use the ladies.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid about any child being in any toilet with a parent. Why would it be an issue? I'm wracking my brains to work out what a child is going to do in a toilet full of adults other than go to the toilet?

@Aroundtheworldin80moves I've often wished I could sneak into the men's to avoid the awful queues for ladies'!

@SrSteveOskowski our local John Lewis (north east England) has a parent and children’s toilet - it’s a large room with two toilets (1 large, 1 small) and two sinks!

I took my son in with me until around age 8.

I think 7/8 is a good age. We're trying to teach ds to be more independent. They've had talks in school and home about strangers and what's appropriate behavior. I had to go to the ladies the other day and asked ds who's almost 7 did he want to go with me and he said so. He went into the mens on his own but it was a busy shopping centre toilet so I felt it was safe.

I think boys should use men's toilets from age 7 - this means either with parent outside the toilet door, or with a parent (of either sex) escorting the boy into the men's toilets and waiting.

How is it ok for a woman to be in the men's, but not for a child to go in the women's?

My swimming pool states that they should be in sex assigned rooms from 8. My DS, who had read the sign, insisted in going in by himself from that age.

Depends on the context. Small loos in a local cinema with you standing outside (regularly calling out like I used to 😁), probably fine. No way on this earth would I allow an 8 year old boy alone into gents at, say, motorway services or huge shopping centre.
Anyone complaining about that has no idea.

If DH was with us then DS always went to the men's with him. If I was alone he went with me up to age 8 then he would stand outside ladies whilst I went and we would then do the same at the men's. If he took longer than anticipated I would ask another person who had just come out with their own kids to go and find out if he was ok. Me? I peed very quickly so Ds wasn't outside the ladies for long waiting for me.

My 7 yr old ds still comes to the ladies toilets with me. He wouldn't be comfortable going into the men's on his own. I have asked him. And if someone has a problem with it that's their problem. It's not like you can see anything. There's cubicles.

@nokidshere Because sometimes you just want to go to the toilet and when you queue up and sit down in your cubicle, a small boy sticks his head under the partition to stare at you. I hate, hate, hate children in shopping centre toilets for this reason. I have a reasonable expectation of privacy in a toilet.

I also used to be very anti small boys in women's toilets because of the mess. However, on an increasing basis, I've entered a cubicle where the previous user was quite clearly a middle-aged woman and the toilet is sprayed with urine. I always used to blame small boys for this - I'm not even sure how a woman manages to do that.

Bit more relaxed about kids being in toilets these days as long as the partition goes all the way down to the floor. I still hate it when it doesn't.

A toilet is different to a changing room. The loo has cubicles. Although I wonder if this is why the queues for ladies toilets can be so long if a mother has to take her two kids at the same time.

I’m not a fan of boys over 8 in changing rooms if there are no cubicles.

Although I wonder if this is why the queues for ladies toilets can be so long if a mother has to take her two kids at the same time.

Hadn't thought of that!

I wouldn’t take any notice of a primary school age child going in with their mum, especially in busy places. I think the children themselves start showing a preference for their own sex toilet when they reach a certain point anyway.

Probably around age 7 or 8. I remember exP taking DS’s when they were small, about age 4/5 and being told that the urinals were too tall he had to help lift them up a bit and over it to pee. I’ve not been in men’s toilets but presume they don’t have always have smaller kid size urinals? I had 2 DS so they had to go in together if ExP not there. DD is nearly 8 now and I still pop my head in ladies just to check it’s all ok. I always say to all kids if there’s someone you’re not happy about just walk back out, and don’t talk to strangers etc.

nokidshere Because sometimes you just want to go to the toilet and when you queue up and sit down in your cubicle, a small boy sticks his head under the partition to stare at you. I hate, hate, hate children in shopping centre toilets for this reason. I have a reasonable expectation of privacy in a toilet. Blimy you must go in some weird places! I'm almost 60 and I've never had a small boy looking under my loo partition, not even my own two. How many people realistically let their small child,crawl around on a public toilet floor? And how is there even room?

I also used to be very anti small boys in women's toilets because of the mess. However, on an increasing basis, I've entered a cubicle where the previous user was quite clearly a middle-aged woman and the toilet is sprayed with urine. I always used to blame small boys for this - I'm not even sure how a woman manages to do that. Ladies toilets are just as vile as any other sometimes. It never ceases to amaze me at how disgusting some people are.

About 8. If they need supervision because of sn after that, usually the accessible toilet should be used. If that isn't possible then they should be properly supervised by an adult when in there. I don't think older boys should be sent in by themselves.

@nokidshere Doesn't happen these days because I now actively avoid cubicles immediately next to children where possible but I assure you, it's happened to me in the past and it always makes me slightly anxious. It happened all the time when I was in primary school (which is awful when you're starting your periods and no one else is) and I kinda thought as an adult, I wouldn't have to put up with this any more in the grown up toilets!

But hopefully that answers your question why some people don't want boys in women's toilets - just because you haven't had this experience doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Some small boys are irritatingly curious, very wriggly and don't think about the germs on the floor. I suppose it happens more often when a mum brings her child into the cubicle with her who doesn't actually need to use the toilet (and is therefore bored) and/or she has more than one child in there (so it's harder to control their behaviour).

Only ever had this in shopping centre toilets...

@nokidshere that's got to be down to the parent surely, I'd never allow my children to do that, but if I was forced to send them into the opposite sex toilet from a young age I guess they wouldn't be supervised to stop them doing it if they did (though I can't say I've ever seen them compelled to do it!) as for the mess, again a benefit for me being there to tell them to concentrate!

Sorry I should have tagged @returnofthecat in that

@returnofthecat surely girls would be just as likely to do that as well? What makes you think boys are more likely to do this than girls? (And again I'd still blame the parent as I'd never let my child roll on the floor as you're describing!)

If loos are very close by the ladies' I probably started letting DS go on his own to mens' when he was about 6. For ones further apart I think I started about a year later.