Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when children should use sex assigned toilets?

163 replies

newjobnerves · 27/05/2019 18:52

I have 2 sons, we were at the cinema today and the 3 of us went to the toilet. They're 8 and 5. Today was the first day I felt uncomfortable with him being in the female toilets, I've never even thought for a second about it before, but it was a small toilet and there was a queue and he was stood next to a smaller girl and I realised how big and out of place he looked! I ended up sending him into the men's so he didn't have to queue and my DH was waiting outside (he didn't need to go otherwise they usually go with him)

Anyway this is a rather convoluted (and lighthearted!) thread asking when do you think girls and boys should use the "correct" toilets? I'm not a helicopter parent by any stretch but I do get a bit a nervous at the thought of him being out of sight if DH isn't with us. We are swimming tomorrow, DH is working and I believe 8 is the age at our local swimming pool.

OP posts:
Girlofgold · 27/05/2019 19:20

If I had sons. I'd escort them to the men's and stand at the door calling in the door to see if he was ok. I unapologetically realise that must sound mad to some people.

Original poster
newjobnerves · 27/05/2019 19:21

@CloserIAm2Fine no it wasn't, common sense to me has been children go with the parent who is going, it didn't occur to my my still quite young child would be offensive to anyone in the toilet before today, no need to be rude I have said I have looked at it differently and will do it differently from now on.

OP posts:
Original poster
newjobnerves · 27/05/2019 19:23

@thewayoftheplatypus no never asked him really! He doesn't mind going into the men's though, I did send him in the end and be happily went.

OP posts:
titchy · 27/05/2019 19:23

With close adult supervision only at any age

Well that's silly as you know. Are you suggesting you supervise your teenage son? So at what age? Which is what OP asked.Hmm

SunshineCake · 27/05/2019 19:23

If both parents are there and a man and a woman. Then they should each take the same sex child.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/05/2019 19:26

I think mine went to the gents from about school age. I guess because they just get used to going into the boys / girls at that point. I used to feel a bit funny about older boys being in the ladies, but after reading a post on a special needs parenting blog I try to be more open minded.

TanMateix · 27/05/2019 19:29

About 8. They probably feel uncomfortable long before then but I think that by women start thinking what on Earth a boy is doing in the ladies’ and I wouldn’t want a girl that age in the men’s toilets.

If it helps OP, I never told DS about it but I used to count 2-3 minutes as soon as he went to the men’s loos on his own, prepared to go in or ask a man to check on him if he had not come out after that time. I never had to come in or ask thankfully (he would have been mortified!)

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 27/05/2019 19:29

I think a lot has to do with maturity and confidence. I have girls so not a problem if we are all together but if we are in a cafe or restaurant I will let them (age 6 and 10) go alone if I can see the toilet entrance from our seat. My 6 year old went to the toilet in McDonald's today to wash her hands alone and when I needed it I left them at the table while i went.

CreekyBeaky · 27/05/2019 19:29

My DS is 3 and I got told off last week by a toilet attendant for taking him into the ladies toilets with me, apparently we should have used the disabled toilet??? He can use the toilet and wash his hands unassisted but he’d be terrified on his own with strangers so I will be taking him into the ladies until I decide he’s ready.

Lucked · 27/05/2019 19:29

I have a tall seven year old and it depends, I have started sending him in to the gents for a pee in certain places but if it was somewhere busy and rowdy then I keep him with me.

If it is a poo I tend to take him in with me as he isn’t great at cleaning himself and he would panic if ther wasn’t any toilet paper or other minor thing. Also I can make sure the toilet is left clean and suitable for the next person!

ItWentInMyEye · 27/05/2019 19:32

My eldest boy went into the men's on his own from 9 if there wasn't a man with us. My youngest boy, 6, has autism and still comes in with me. I intend to get one of those keys for disabled toilets for him in the next year or so.

isabellerossignol · 27/05/2019 19:34

My seven year old son has flat out refused to come into the ladies for almost a year. I do stand outside the mens like some sort of weirdo and I'm on edge until he comes out. But he finds the idea of going into the ladies 'wrong' and as I have spent a lot of time teaching him that girls have a right to privacy it would be pretty hypocritical of me to not follow through on that.

Mumsymumphy · 27/05/2019 19:35

My son has always been tall for his age and he came into bathrooms with me till about the age of 8.

He's 12 now, obviously goes into the men's now, but I still screech "Don't talk to any strangers!" after him.

When he was younger I had no qualms about opening the door slightly to the men's and saying, "Are you okay J? I'm waiting outside for you!" just so any men in there knew I was outside. Sad that we have to do this but that's the society we live in.

My son's safety trumps any grown man's sensitivities of having a female speak through a door that's only ajar.

MaximusHeadroom · 27/05/2019 19:37

When you and they are safe and comfortable doing it.

I find it strange that we always try and put a number on these things.

They are in cubicles in the ladies and are under your supervision so they aren't impinging on the safety of other users.

SrSteveOskowski · 27/05/2019 19:39

I was in Spain recently and went to use the toilets in a shopping centre (I was on my own at the time) and as well as ladies, gents and a disabled toilet, they also had a children's toilet. Similar size to the disabled toilet (from what I could see), but I just thought it was a great idea. Either the parent could go in with their child if they were quite small and of the opposite sex, or if the child didn't want that (if they were slightly older perhaps) then the parent could wait outside knowing that their child was safe as they were the only one in there.

I don't know if there's anything like this in the UK, but I'm in Ireland and have never seen anything like that here.

Just thought it was an excellent idea.

Dana28 · 27/05/2019 19:41

8 is far too old! I would say once they are 5 or 6

namdinam · 27/05/2019 19:42

DS is 9 and has been going on his own for about two years. Certainly from 8. He would be mortified if I suggested he come in the ladies. DD has been more of an issue as she's short so couldn't always reach the taps until fairly recently but at 8 I think there's zero chance she'd agree to accompany DH to the gents!

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2019 19:47

7 or 8 in a place like the cinema.
In a restaurant, where I'm sat at a table, they've gone alone since about 5.

Adults wouldn't mind a boy of 8 in the wrong sex changing room, but very soon you need to consider their peers. A girl can start her periods/start puberty at 9, they wouldn't want a boy from their class in the toilets/changing room then; it wouldn't be fair.

TeaForDad · 27/05/2019 19:52

crosser62

With close adult supervision only at any age.

That's not workable for most people though. I have 1 of each

Original poster
newjobnerves · 27/05/2019 19:56

@arethereanyleftatall absolutely I get that, I think I'm going to have to send him into the men's changing rooms tomorrow. We don't swim often, they're doing an intensive swimming class this week, I'm a bit apprehensive. He's sensible and I'm sure it'll be safe as it's a swimming school pool not a public pool, but I guess I feel a bit neglectful sending him by himself?

OP posts:
Peperpiperpickedwrong · 27/05/2019 19:58

they're my children and I was going to the toilet and it's just the way it's been for years, the kids go with the parent who is going to the toilet

Weirdly we were out to eat last weekend and I saw a dad carry his daughter into the gents whilst mum and sibling waited outside. I thought that weird.

kaytee87 · 27/05/2019 19:59

I'd say 8 is about the right age to use their own sex toilets.
I wouldn't bat an eye at a 5yo in the ladies accompanied by their mum.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2019 20:01

He'll be fine, don't worry. If you're worried, he can just have his cossie on, with a onesie over the top, simply in and out of his onesie in the changing room. Shower and stuff at home. Work up to the whole thing.

Original poster
newjobnerves · 27/05/2019 20:01

@Peperpiperpickedwrong how old was she? Goes to show how different we all are, as I say that's how we usually do it! Although I told my husband about this thread and he said "tell them I took them twice in the film!" 😂 he misses the point but doesn't want to be seen as lazy haha.

OP posts:
kenandbarbie · 27/05/2019 20:08

I think 8.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.