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Original poster

DH lack of etiquette and social awareness

196 replies

Deckchair1009 · 26/05/2019 22:45

Just managed a childfree break in London in the first time for about 5 years. Did loads of nice touristy stuff in preparation for my DH birthday soon. It’s a milestone one and he has loads of treats and “experiences” lined up. In fact, we started milking it a month ago and it’s going on til August! I don’t mind at all, he works hard and deserves to play hard. We went to a nice steakhouse in London and ordered like crazy off the menu. Chateubriand, cocktails, every side and starter you can think of. He sent back a bottle of wine because he didn’t like it and ordered a £80 substitute. He was the life and soul, chatting to fellow diners but went mad when I showed dismay at him eating the chateau Briand at the end of the meal with his hands! I appreciate this is ok with chicken and chops at home but in public, in a restaurant 🙈 He cannot see what’s wrong but it was like watching a Neanderthal! He maintains that if he’s paid £300 for a meal he should be allowed to eat as he likes. As he stormed out, I actually paid and, regardless, was expecting a bit of class without our young kids for a change. How can they learn social etiquette with a role modal like that?

OP posts:
MangosteenSoda · 27/05/2019 08:09

Sending back wine and getting the restaurant replace it with a more expensive bottle (if I understood that correctly), randomly talking to other diners and flouncing off at the end would be the issues for me.

Eating with fingers is a bit odd, but I'm assuming the steak was in the middle of the table and he just picked up a couple of remaining slices as an afterthought at the end of the meal.

LordPickle · 27/05/2019 08:10

For everyone commenting on the sent back wine, it's acceptable to do so in fine dining. I wouldn't send back multiple bottles, but equally I wouldn't pay for something I didn't like. All that happens is the restaurant uses the opened bottle for single glass purchases.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 27/05/2019 08:11

I completely agree with you, OP. I cannot bear to see people eat with their hands (no, not even burgers or pizza) - and why don't parents teach their children to use cutlery any more? The number of kids I see scooping up food with their hands is quite shocking - and I mean children aged 7/8 upwards! Why the sneering attitude towards etiquette and manners - why don't people observe social niceties any more?

LordPickle · 27/05/2019 08:12

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis I genuinely don't understand what you mean. If he has something in his teeth, he asks for a toothpick and goes to the loo to sort it out. How is he batman? Confused

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 27/05/2019 08:14

This guy's behaviour doesn't indicate he is particularly au fait with 'fine dining' Hmm on any level.
I'm astonished at how many people think eating with your hands is acceptable in these circumstances.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 27/05/2019 08:19

Don't worry OP if this is carrying on until August you have some time to teach him some manners.

pasturesgreen · 27/05/2019 08:21

He was the life and soul, chatting to fellow diners

^And there he was being an obnoxious twat already...I would have been mortified by that behaviour, never mind the subsequent eating with his hands.

sashh · 27/05/2019 08:21

If cutlery is provided then they should be used, even if you do end up eating a burger or a banana with a knife and fork.

I wouldn't be as annoyed as you about him picking meat up. It's not like picking up a fillet steak and biting it in a smart restaurant. Seems like you're overreacting

Er... it is exactly that.

Aarghhelpplease · 27/05/2019 08:24

Lighten up. It sounds like he had a little bit. Why spoil the night? Genuinely ridiculous.

UmpetyLumpety · 27/05/2019 08:30

To those posters who think seeing other people eat with their hands is off-putting to their own meal - why are you watching strangers eat in a restaurant? Surely that's rude to the other diners at your own table? Also, if eating a chicken wing or a rib with your hands is acceptable, how do you know that the thing another diner at another table is eating is chateau briand and therefore disgustingly inappropriate and revolting rather than an acceptable item? Confused I couldn't care how a stranger eats their food as long as they aren't throwing it at me.

Having said that, I would be a bit Hmm if DH did it and would probably say something like "Oi, you've got a knife and fork for that you know!". But it wouldn't ruin the evening.

BruceAndNosh · 27/05/2019 08:31

Pedant alert
Chateaubriand is one word, not two

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 27/05/2019 08:34

I would have been more pissed off with him talking to me if I was there. I'd have started off by ignoring him and, if that didn't work, I'd have complained. Life and soul = annoying twat.

RhiWrites · 27/05/2019 08:38

In many parts of the world people eat with their hands, it’s not intrinsically revolting. It’s inappropriate for French style fine dining but doesn’t really require this level of horror.

Morgan12 · 27/05/2019 08:39

Well if I pay £300 for a meal I'd eat it however I like. I wouldn't even notice if DH did this.

ChillaxingInMyKimono · 27/05/2019 08:46

It’s inappropriate for French style fine dining but doesn’t really require this level of horror.

Nobody's expressing actual horror.

Just that it's, as you say, inappropriate.

ChillaxingInMyKimono · 27/05/2019 08:48

I'm astonished at how many people think eating with your hands is acceptable in these circumstances.

MN is, as always, a window into another world.

Apparently the 'other half' eats with their hands.

Isatis · 27/05/2019 08:59

I must say, if I were out for the evening in an expensive restaurant, what would annoy me most would be the self-designated life and soul insisting on talking to me. When I go out I want to talk to my companions, not some random strangers. But no, I also don't really want to see said life and soul picking up his meat with his hands and chomping into it - let alone having a hissy fit and walking out on his wife.

makingmammaries · 27/05/2019 09:00

The whole thing sounds a bit tacky anyway. Him eating with his hands would be the least of my worries.

Eliza9919 · 27/05/2019 09:02

Sorry, I've been getting confused with carpaccio!

Eating chateubriand is a bit different then, that isn't a pick up and into the mouth quick move, it will involve a bite then holding the meat in hand until you've finished that mouthful and can eat the rest.

That's a bit off. Not much different to picking up a steak and eating that with your hands.

magicBrenda · 27/05/2019 09:05

Ah this could have been DH and I. But he knows not even to try that shit now.

Once in the early days he tried a piece of meat of my plate, took a bite and chucked the rest back on to my plate nonchalantly. My head was spinning. It was never repeated.

DramaRamaLlama · 27/05/2019 09:09

@Shoxfordian that's exactly What he did Grin

hipslikecinderella · 27/05/2019 09:14

Whatever you do don't go to nandos. I don't purposfully watch other diners, but some of the eating in there is impossible to ignore

DockerDre · 27/05/2019 09:16

A lot of cultures eat with their hands.

The correct way to eat fried chicken in the royal family is ...... with your hands.

Is he American?

I'd be more embarrassed about him disturbing everyone else at nearby tables with his 'life and soul' act.

DockerDre · 27/05/2019 09:18

How old are ye? Don't say it's outing........

burblish · 27/05/2019 09:18

This is reminding me of the scene in the movie “Splash” when Darryl Hannah’s character is eating lobster in a restaurant!

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