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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH lack of etiquette and social awareness

196 replies

Deckchair1009 · 26/05/2019 22:45

Just managed a childfree break in London in the first time for about 5 years. Did loads of nice touristy stuff in preparation for my DH birthday soon. It’s a milestone one and he has loads of treats and “experiences” lined up. In fact, we started milking it a month ago and it’s going on til August! I don’t mind at all, he works hard and deserves to play hard. We went to a nice steakhouse in London and ordered like crazy off the menu. Chateubriand, cocktails, every side and starter you can think of. He sent back a bottle of wine because he didn’t like it and ordered a £80 substitute. He was the life and soul, chatting to fellow diners but went mad when I showed dismay at him eating the chateau Briand at the end of the meal with his hands! I appreciate this is ok with chicken and chops at home but in public, in a restaurant 🙈 He cannot see what’s wrong but it was like watching a Neanderthal! He maintains that if he’s paid £300 for a meal he should be allowed to eat as he likes. As he stormed out, I actually paid and, regardless, was expecting a bit of class without our young kids for a change. How can they learn social etiquette with a role modal like that?

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 27/05/2019 00:27

Was he chomping and slobbering and sticking his head in the dish, bellowing his appreciation? Or did he just... pick up a bit of meat and put it in his mouth? 'bad' table manners are more about noise and taking up space and making too much mess than about whether you use the right implement, or your fingers. Someone who's getting stuck in to their dinner to the point where anyone nearby might wish they had an umbrella handy or at least a mop and bucket... that's a bit rude. Someone who just picks up their food and quietly eats it without too much noise or attention-seeking is just... eating their food. There are a range of cultural behaviours around eating, but most of them are about not affecting the people you are eating your meal with.

AngeloMysterioso · 27/05/2019 00:30

I would have been mortified too OP- it’s steak in a nice restaurant, not a sodding Big Mac. Does he usually eat like that or was he trying to make some sort of defiant underclass point?

Halo84 · 27/05/2019 00:43

You are not being unreasonable.

I live in Canada. My husband works with a man from the UK. When he visits his elderly aunts (in their eighties), he purposely pours milk into his tea. They are scandalized.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 27/05/2019 00:44

Why are you mortified by someone else’s table manners?

ISayWhatNow · 27/05/2019 00:48

OMFG. I cannot believe he ate something in public oranywhere with his HANDS. Appalling. Manners cost nothing.

wotsittoyou · 27/05/2019 00:50

It was rude of you to be visibly dismayed at the sight of your dh eating. It appears that you are mindful of his manners, but not your own.

managedmis · 27/05/2019 01:13

Chateaubriand does not have a bone in it, therefore YANBU.

WonderWorm · 27/05/2019 04:42

"He sent back a bottle of wine because he didn’t like it and ordered a £80 substitute."

I'm getting wafts of twat with a strong undertone of ponce.

WonderWorm · 27/05/2019 04:43

Was this your night out?

DH lack of etiquette and social awareness
RainbowWaffles · 27/05/2019 04:57

The only people I have ever seen eat steak with their hands are babies. Of course it’s unacceptable and it would irritate me. I would expect anyone who can afford to spend 300 on dinner have sufficiently adequate table manners. The fact that he got annoyed and stormed out is doubly concerning. He sounds like a muppet.

Three pages in and nobody has suggested he might have a disability that makes it difficult for him to use cutlery. MN you can still surprise me.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 27/05/2019 04:58

As a fellow diner, I'd be more annoyed by him being the "life and soul" of the restaurant. Otherwise known as an annoying dickhead.

Mandala6 · 27/05/2019 05:01

First world problems!

BeardedMum · 27/05/2019 05:07

Yes what’s the life and soul of the restaurant all about? I’d hate paying that much for s meal having to sit next to your DH OP. YANBU.

HappyDappy3 · 27/05/2019 05:15

Sounds revolting OP!! And mortifying too.

NannyRed · 27/05/2019 05:20

He sent back a bottle of wine because he didn’t like it and ordered a £80 substitute and that was his first faux pas. Returning wine is not an option for morons who ordered something they don’t like! Wine should only be returned if it’s corked (gone off/ mouldy)

He then went on to interrupt other diners meals by being the life and soul and chatting to them. They did not want to chat to the weirdo, they were being polite! (Unlike your husband)

To then eat steak with his fingers like some slob, your husband is a pig, I’m glad you are realising it, but his manners are appalling, he in uncouth and the excuse of ‘Ive paid a lot so I can be a slob’ just doesn’t wash with me.

Please stick to McDonald’s or your local Toby if you really want to push the boat out, your husband should not be allowed to eat near nice people.

mum11970 · 27/05/2019 06:05

Did he eat most of his meal with his fingers or was he just picking at the last bit after finishing his meal? Don’t suppose it’s much different than picking at the last few chips with your fingers.

ChillaxingInMyKimono · 27/05/2019 06:11

I dumped a bloke for eating with his hands in a restaurant.

Is this the first time he's done this? Or does he have form?

Because if he has form, you can't be surprised.

PodgeBod · 27/05/2019 06:13

How would anybody be put off of their food by the table manners of somebody at a different table? Surely you dont go to restaurants and watch strangers eat.
It does sound a bit gross to eat bloody steak with your fingers but it's a shame to let it ruin your whole night. I hope things picked up afterwards.

GPatz · 27/05/2019 06:20

'Itwas rude of you to be visibly dismayed at the sight of your dh eating. It appears that you are mindful of his manners, but not your own'.

Oh hardly.

stucknoue · 27/05/2019 06:24

I would be peeved too, even if it was the £7.99 rump steak at Wetherspoons you use cutlery! The only meat I would potentially pick up in a restaurant is ribs, and even then I would try to use cutlery first.

DramaRamaLlama · 27/05/2019 06:27

@Unburnished where's the name dropping?
Or are you objecting to the OP stating it was chateaubriand? Which is pretty relevant to the post..?

RedRiverShore · 27/05/2019 06:30

The whole thing sounds like pigs at the trough.

Sux2buthen · 27/05/2019 06:31

Fuck me, the variety of problems in this world is fascinating.

NotStayingIn · 27/05/2019 06:33

OP I’m with you, it all sounds really embarrassing. And if I was a fellow dinner and sitting near him I would find it really irritating. He sounds like an obnoxious wanker. Gringe.

Chippychipsforme · 27/05/2019 06:39

The sending back the wine bit just made me cringe.

My toddler eats his his hands but he's 1 so I guess that's different.