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Original poster

DH lack of etiquette and social awareness

196 replies

Deckchair1009 · 26/05/2019 22:45

Just managed a childfree break in London in the first time for about 5 years. Did loads of nice touristy stuff in preparation for my DH birthday soon. It’s a milestone one and he has loads of treats and “experiences” lined up. In fact, we started milking it a month ago and it’s going on til August! I don’t mind at all, he works hard and deserves to play hard. We went to a nice steakhouse in London and ordered like crazy off the menu. Chateubriand, cocktails, every side and starter you can think of. He sent back a bottle of wine because he didn’t like it and ordered a £80 substitute. He was the life and soul, chatting to fellow diners but went mad when I showed dismay at him eating the chateau Briand at the end of the meal with his hands! I appreciate this is ok with chicken and chops at home but in public, in a restaurant 🙈 He cannot see what’s wrong but it was like watching a Neanderthal! He maintains that if he’s paid £300 for a meal he should be allowed to eat as he likes. As he stormed out, I actually paid and, regardless, was expecting a bit of class without our young kids for a change. How can they learn social etiquette with a role modal like that?

OP posts:
TruffleShuffles · 27/05/2019 06:43

Why are so many of you watching other people eat in restaurants? I can honestly say I have never ever noticed how anyone on a different table in a restaurant is eating their meal let alone be disgusted by it.

When you say he was eating with his hands do you mean a few pieces of it or was it a small slice from the end left on the serving plate that he decided he could fit in after eating everything else? The first would be a bit off but I couldn’t cause that much of a scene for the latter.

EmmaJR1 · 27/05/2019 06:46

I'm completely astonished by the snobbery here! Get thee to a Toby so the nice people don't have to lay eyes on you!

As a fellow diner, I'd be more annoyed by him being the "life and soul" of the restaurant. Otherwise known as an annoying dickhead.

This I completely agree with though.

Aethelthryth · 27/05/2019 07:20

There are things which it is fine to eat with fingers (asparagus, quail), in which case the restaurant will provide a finger bowl. Eating Chateaubriand with his fingers was bad; but not as bad as sending back wine simply because he (who had chosen it) didn't like it , likewise "chatting to fellow diners". Did you really need "every starter and side you can think of"? Or was he just showing off? I would have hated to be at the next table; and not because he was eating with his fingers

Grainedmonkey · 27/05/2019 07:22

He sent back a bottle of wine because he didn’t like it and ordered a £80 substitute. He was the life and soul, chatting to fellow diners

Annoying dickhead of the highest order

Mayagoldchoc · 27/05/2019 07:27

I'm sure you know that learning to disagree healthily is the biggest predictor of marriage success. If he would react angrily to any implied criticism then that's your problem, but don't know if that's the case. You shouldn't be on Mumsnet trying to score points tbh you should be communicating with him. Don't know when you say you brought it up, but if it was right at the end then I can see why he was annoyed. You should have said something light-hearted while he was still eating. If that didn't work bring it up another time without making a big deal or of it. Fwiw I don't think him picking up a few bits of meat is a big deal, but that's really not the point!

Mayagoldchoc · 27/05/2019 07:28

I also agree that he should'nt have sent wine back purely because he didn't like it if that's actually what you meant.

Bridget1983 · 27/05/2019 07:30

You’re being fussy! He was enjoying his food! Many parts of the world people eat with their hands anyway. You said he was the life and soul the whole evening, sounds like you had a good time in general, who cares what others think.
Also the people eating burgers and pizza with cutlery - whaaaat 😂🙈

topcat2014 · 27/05/2019 07:33

Hopefully the rest of the tables were far enough apart so no one noticed. I can't recall ever chatting to "fellow diners" anywhere apart from saying the odd excuse me if chairs were in the way.

SallyWD · 27/05/2019 07:38

It's not very refined but also not terrible! Like a PP said I'd be more annoyed with him storming out!

Nicolastuffedone · 27/05/2019 07:40

If he was being the life and soul of the restaurant, it must’ve been hard not to notice him eating with his hands! I’m with you op. Once I’d seen him doing that, I wouldn’t be able to NOT look!!

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 27/05/2019 07:40

Is he always the fun one and you always the manners watcher?

Mummyshark2018 · 27/05/2019 07:43

I think you need to lighten up! I would laugh if my dh did it and prob say 'are you serious', but would carry on as normal. It must have been really nice steak Grin

Eliza9919 · 27/05/2019 07:44

People eat sliced cold meats with their hands.

A tapas sharing board (salami, chorizo, cheese, olives, bread & oil etc) could be eaten with the hands, what's the difference?

It's not the done thing but it's not 'revolting' or a reason to reprimand your husband on his manners in public ffs.

CherryPavlova · 27/05/2019 07:51

Clearly he was drunk and far from being great fun was a crashing bore. That isn’t about eating with his hands though.

BogglesGoggles · 27/05/2019 07:52

It’s disgusting but no where near as terrible as pestering other people who just want to eat their dinner in peace. That said if I were a fellow diner that night I think I’d be quite relieved that you had a spat and didn’t stay for pudding.

Shoxfordian · 27/05/2019 07:53

He shouldn't be sending back wine because he doesn't like it, as lots of people have pointed out.

I wouldn't be as annoyed as you about him picking meat up. It's not like picking up a fillet steak and biting it in a smart restaurant. Seems like you're overreacting

BogglesGoggles · 27/05/2019 07:54

@Eliza99 but they don’t surely? Obviously there are some clean foods that it’s ok to eat with your hands like crackers and what have you but the thought of meat grease all over someone’s hands is nauseating.

walkinginshadows · 27/05/2019 07:55

I’m with you OP - very poor table manners. Toddlers eat with their hands, not adults in a restaurant that’s not a fast food place.

Years ago on holiday with a tour group in Ireland my friend and I went to a restaurant with a couple from the tour. We all ordered steak and my friend picked her steak up with her hands and proceeded to eat it. Same with the rest of her meal of salad etc - all with her hands. She’d never done this before or since so to this day I have no idea what on earth she was thinking but the couple we were with looked mortified and embarrassed, as was I.

Eliza9919 · 27/05/2019 07:57

Does everyone saying it's disgusting never go to the fridge and eat a slice of ham with your fingers? Or do you handle it with serving tongs and get out the best china to eat it from?

LordPickle · 27/05/2019 07:59

That's uncouth behaviour and I'd have laughed if I saw someone doing that in a restaurant, especially a nice one.

My DH used to put his fingers in his mouth and pick at stuff in his teeth whilst at the table but I put a swift end to that nonsense. I carry toothpicks in my bag now so he can discreetly sort himself out without being disgusting.

Eliza9919 · 27/05/2019 08:00

Are other cultures that eat things like curry (something I'd never eat with my hands) with their hands nauseating, revolting, uncouth, disgusting?

Eliza9919 · 27/05/2019 08:01

@Eliza99 but they don’t surely? Obviously there are some clean foods that it’s ok to eat with your hands like crackers and what have you but the thought of meat grease all over someone’s hands is nauseating.

😂😂😂

TheRedBarrows · 27/05/2019 08:02

“I'm getting wafts of twat with a strong undertone of ponce.”
Grin

OP, I am sorry your night ended like that. Storming off was horrible. And possibly worse than the caveman act.

Is his birthday turning him into a Lille Emperor , or is he always like this? He sounds very egotistical.

TheRedBarrows · 27/05/2019 08:04

The ‘sent back’ wine; as in didn’t pay for it?

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 27/05/2019 08:06

My DH used to put his fingers in his mouth and pick at stuff in his teeth whilst at the table but I put a swift end to that nonsense. I carry toothpicks in my bag now so he can discreetly sort himself out without being disgusting.
Shock wow! So basically you perform a sort of dominant nanny/batman role in your relationship? Do you both enjoy that dynamic?