DH lack of etiquette and social awareness

[Deckchair1009]

Just managed a childfree break in London in the first time for about 5 years. Did loads of nice touristy stuff in preparation for my DH birthday soon. It’s a milestone one and he has loads of treats and “experiences” lined up. In fact, we started milking it a month ago and it’s going on til August! I don’t mind at all, he works hard and deserves to play hard. We went to a nice steakhouse in London and ordered like crazy off the menu. Chateubriand, cocktails, every side and starter you can think of. He sent back a bottle of wine because he didn’t like it and ordered a £80 substitute. He was the life and soul, chatting to fellow diners but went mad when I showed dismay at him eating the chateau Briand at the end of the meal with his hands! I appreciate this is ok with chicken and chops at home but in public, in a restaurant 🙈 He cannot see what’s wrong but it was like watching a Neanderthal! He maintains that if he’s paid £300 for a meal he should be allowed to eat as he likes. As he stormed out, I actually paid and, regardless, was expecting a bit of class without our young kids for a change. How can they learn social etiquette with a role modal like that?

Agree that the worst aspect of this is thinking you can do what you like because you’re paying for it. Presumably other people were spending a lot and having special nights out too.

Mind, I find the responses on this thread odd. Part of the reason people do stuff like this is the consensus of what is acceptable and what isn’t is completely breaking down.

Why was he eating steak ‘at the end of the meal’? Are your accusations of cave man behaviour down to him waving away the dessert menu and roaring ‘RARE STEAK!!!!’ at the waiter.

Having said that, I can't say if I would've reacted as you did, as DH just wouldn't do it. It also seems to have escalated and spoiled the night. I do have extended family members like that though (they're also right handed fork shovellers and probably would lick gravy from a plate), and whilst it makes me cringe inside, I've not said anything because it's not my business how they conduct themselves as adults. I also don't choose to eat out with them unless it's a big family occasion and I can't really avoid it.

That would totally put me off my meal. No way could I sit with someone doing that. How embarrassing too.

It's "revolting" to eat steak with your hands?

No. It's odd, in a restaurant. Would be a bit less odd at a barbecue. But you're allowed to eat chicken, and I can't fathom the mentality of an observer who would find one kind of meat OK and another "revolting."

I agree OP. It isn't so much the manners per se but the total lack of respect for you. When you asked him to eat with knife and fork he was rude to you. He was dismissive, aggresssive even and spoiled the evening.

Most people don't eat with their hands in a restaurant - except in specific circumstances - so yes, it is unacceptable.

You can send any drink (or anything else) back if you don’t want it, obviously expect to be charged for it. Eating with your hands is fairly common through much of the world and is not offensive in any way.

Yes, it most certainly would affect my evening if someone at a neighbouring table was eating like a pig.

That’s kinda the whole point of ‘manners’ and ‘etiquette’. We all try to act in such a way as to not annoy or disgust other people. What do some posters here think? That manners are a set of random stupid rules they can just avoid if they feel an urge to do things their own way?

Of course you will be judged if you do this. You will be thought of as very unattractive, selfish, and badly brought up. People may or may not say something or show it on their faces, but be sure most are noticing and thinking it loudly.

I wouldn’t go to nice restaurants with someone who ate that way. Not sure I could even stand it in private. We’d probably lose friends (certainly invitations around eating would evaporate) if we had such a piggy eater in the family. It’s very immature in anyone over 5 years old, for mine.

Even my almost 3 year old wouldn't eat steak with his hands!

I'd find that bizarre from an adult outside of a KFC

Did he lick his plate too?

I prefer to eat with my hands. His meal his choice.

Did he use his hands all the way through or did he do it to get the final bit of meat off the bone?
I wouldn’t be too bothered by this alone, but if he’s anti-social in many other ways, I can see why it would annoy you.
I like the fact that he felt free to enjoy this lovely and expensive meal. My partner gets constrained by anxiety about value, despite us not being hard up, and that can put a dampener on things for us. I’d have loved to sit there slathering over a Chateabriand and fine wine.

I’d have been horrified too, and then doubly horrified at him flouncing off like a teenager.

Eeeewwwww no.

I would've hated this. I hope you managed to rescue your evening.

There is no bone in Chateaubriand. It’s a fillet of beef and would be served sliced.

It sounds very poor etiquette without a doubt -does he normally have bad table manners? Was he picking up whole slices and dunking them in the sauce? If he was just picking up a stray scrap of meat to to ‘tidy’ the dish I probably would think nothing of it.

As rude as he was, if he normally eats with his hands, I think he has a point that if he has paid for an expensive meal he can please himself about how he eats It would be equally embarrassing and uncomfortable to hear someone being told off about their manners in a public place.

I am also perplexed that you not only married someone whose manners and lack of social awareness embarrass you, but that you continue to eat out with him despite his oafish behaviour.

Did he use his hands all the way through or did he do it to get the final bit of meat off the bone?

Chateaubriand doesn't have a bone. It's a very tender cut of meat.

No excuse for using his hands

His behaviour sounds rather uncouth. The other diners are also paying significant amounts, and don't expect to have to tolerate being put off their meals by poor manners.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour. I wouldn’t tolerate my child doing this, never mind a grown adult.

Farting, picking his nose, eating with his mouth open.....ewwww. Picking something up and putting it in his mouth wouldn’t even register.

OP just out of interest were you in Zelmans?

I would find it amusing,that your husband ate the steak with his bare hands !! perhaps you should just concentrate on your own meal,instead of picking on your husband.

PettyContractor theirs a huge difference between gnawing on a chicken wing which can essentially only be eaten with ones hand and picking up a slice of chateau briand which will be bloody and soft.

How on earth would you put it in your mouth?! Fold it in half?? Shove it all in in one go??

there's

My dh annoys me when he eats -either by cutting food up into tiny pieces or bitting onto the metal of the fork. I think eating a nice meal out using your hands is a bit daft but I’d let it go now.

Surely you knew what he was like before you married him?

...and what’s with all the name dropping? Reminds me of the posters who state that they've just come back from London in the Audi instead of just come back from the city in the car.