Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just move in?

155 replies

GardenGnomes · 26/05/2019 11:31

Sorry if this isn't the right section but I really need some advice.
I had a baby last June and me and my little boy's dad split up at the end of last year. We get on okay now but didn't when we first split.
I've been staying with my mum and sister since me and me ex split. It's been okay, if a little cramped (2 bedroom house with 3 adults, baby, 2 dogs and a cat!) until recently.
My sister has severe mental health issues. Until recently she's controlled it a bit but in the past week she's had two meltdowns. This morning she's got very upset (screaming, crying, banging, throwing things - not in the same room as me and baby) because I fed my son chicken (she a vegan).
I'm so worried about my little boy. I know she won't hurt him but he can hear all that's going on.

I don't have anywhere else to go. I have no friends and no family that have space for us.
Me and my ex had just bought a house together. We have joint ownership. He doesn't know about how bad it's been here because I'm scared he'd try and get custody of our son.
Do I have any rights when it comes to the house? My ex wants to sell it but could I just move in and refuse to leave? Please help ☹️

OP posts:
SmellbowSmellbow123 · 26/05/2019 11:44

You have every right to be there if it’s legally yours. Does your ex know about your sisters MH issues?

LeslieKnope2020 · 26/05/2019 11:51

Why did you leave your house with the baby?Yes move back in! If ex doesn't like it he can like it or lump it

Original poster
GardenGnomes · 26/05/2019 11:52

He knows but I haven't told him about anything that's happened since we split. I think he thinks she's been better. Either that or he's just blocking it all out so he doesn't have to worry about it. He doesn't cope well with stress,

OP posts:
Original poster
GardenGnomes · 26/05/2019 11:54

We never moved in. We completed on the purchase a week before we split up and I was staying with my mum and sister because our old neighbours were complaining about our baby crying...

OP posts:
Puffkin · 26/05/2019 11:55

Does he live in it? If it’s empty just move in you’re paying for it surely?

fedup21 · 26/05/2019 11:56

Is he living there?

NoBaggyPants · 26/05/2019 11:56

Who is in the new house now, and who is paying the mortgage?

HollowTalk · 26/05/2019 11:58

Is the house empty now?

Didiusfalco · 26/05/2019 11:58

Is the house just sitting empty?

Original poster
GardenGnomes · 26/05/2019 11:58

No one is living there at the moment. He's paying the mortgage (the plan was that I would be a SAHM as my job paid so badly and I wanted to look after our son myself).
He's also paying the bills which as tiny as there's no one there.

OP posts:
Original poster
GardenGnomes · 26/05/2019 11:59

*which are tiny - sorry for typos!

OP posts:
NoBaggyPants · 26/05/2019 12:00

Can you afford to take on the mortgage and bills? Are your earnings sufficient that the bank will allow you to have the mortgage in your name?

Sirzy · 26/05/2019 12:00

How it is it being paid for now?

Are you in a position to take on the mortgage yourself? If so ask him to sign it over to you.

pigsDOfly · 26/05/2019 12:01

Well it definitely sounds like you need to get your child away from the situation you're in at the moment.

Who's in the house you bought with your ex? Is it empty or is he living in it? Who's paying the mortgage?

Darkstar4855 · 26/05/2019 12:02

Why isn’t your ex living in the house?

Did you put an equal amount in? Who paid the mortgage and bills before you split up? Is your ex paying you maintenance?

If you sold the house would your share give you enough to find a suitable home somewhere else?

pigsDOfly · 26/05/2019 12:04

Ah see you've already answered my questions; must type faster!

You need to talk to him and perhaps get some legal advice; perhaps somewhere like Shelter or CAB.

Original poster
GardenGnomes · 26/05/2019 12:04

When we took out the mortgage it was based just on his wage as mine is so small. We owe £80,000 but my wage was less than half what his is and we borrowed the maximum we could on his wage. I don't think I could afford it all myself unfortunately. I just don't know what else I can do. I don't feel safe living where I am with my baby ☹️

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/05/2019 12:06

You need to talk to him about the situation, come up with a plan whereby you pay something towards the house (get it in writing!) in order for you to live there.

No point trying to keep it a secret because then the situation is only going to get worse

fedup21 · 26/05/2019 12:06

I wouldn’t just move in-talk to him first.

Original poster
GardenGnomes · 26/05/2019 12:08

We were moving to my hometown from a nearby city (where he grew up). He owns a co-owns a flat with his sister and so is living there (turns out he never wanted to leave the city).
We had a £35,000 deposit and he put in £20,000 so not quite equal and I don't think £15,000 is enough for me to do anything with once the house is sold really 😕

OP posts:
Pinkvoid · 26/05/2019 12:08

Since you now get along, I would explain the situation and see what he says. It may be a case of you helping with the mortgage but if you are on the mortgage, you do have a legal right to live there.

DishingOutDone · 26/05/2019 12:08

So have you had legal advice? How long ago was the house purchased?

NoBaggyPants · 26/05/2019 12:09

Speak to your ex and discuss moving in as a short term option. It can only be short term though, you can't afford to live there permanently.

Then start looking for somewhere to rent. It's not realistic to stay at your family home longer term even if your sister was well. That many people in a two bed would tip many of us over the edge in time!

sincethereis · 26/05/2019 12:12

If you can’t afford to live there, if will only be temporary thing.
It’s probably best to sell.

Original poster
GardenGnomes · 26/05/2019 12:13

Me and my family were planning to pool our money once the house was sold and find somewhere bigger (my mum has just inherited quite a bit of money) but I think even in a bigger house my sister's mental health issues would still impact on my son.
I'll try and talk to my ex, I'm just scared. Once I've told him I can't take it back

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread