To just move in?

[GardenGnomes]

Sorry if this isn't the right section but I really need some advice.
I had a baby last June and me and my little boy's dad split up at the end of last year. We get on okay now but didn't when we first split.
I've been staying with my mum and sister since me and me ex split. It's been okay, if a little cramped (2 bedroom house with 3 adults, baby, 2 dogs and a cat!) until recently.
My sister has severe mental health issues. Until recently she's controlled it a bit but in the past week she's had two meltdowns. This morning she's got very upset (screaming, crying, banging, throwing things - not in the same room as me and baby) because I fed my son chicken (she a vegan).
I'm so worried about my little boy. I know she won't hurt him but he can hear all that's going on.

I don't have anywhere else to go. I have no friends and no family that have space for us.
Me and my ex had just bought a house together. We have joint ownership. He doesn't know about how bad it's been here because I'm scared he'd try and get custody of our son.
Do I have any rights when it comes to the house? My ex wants to sell it but could I just move in and refuse to leave? Please help ☹️

We were planning to put the house on the market at the end of this month as the penalty for backing out of the mortgage drops significantly then. The house is inn a very sought after area and when we bought it we were competing against 6 other offers so it'd sell quickly.

My ex wants to sell it but could I just move in and refuse to leave

I'd stop paying the mortgage and let it get repossessed by the bank if you did that.

Then you have time to find work (or go back to original job after maternity) and use the deposit you will gain back towards a rental or small place of your own.

You are an adult now with responsibilities, it's not upto your ex etc to fund your way in life.

You need to be an adult and talk to him about it as you can't expect to move in and him pay for all house and bills.

I'd also suggest you get maintenance sorted and if your ds is coming up to 1 you consider finding a job as you don't sound like you can afford not to work

I've just spoken to my mum briefly (my sister has gone out for a walk). She says my sister has promised to get help and that I shouldn't tell ex what is going on as he could use it against me if I ever needed to move back in with family.
It's true that he could use it against me but my sister has tried to get help before and has always found fault in the therapist (they won't see her out of hours, look at her funny, don't respond to her the way she wants them to etc) and she just stops seeing them and gets worse mentally.

I wouldn't expect him to pay the bills.

She's had two meltdowns in a week.

That's not enough for anyone to hand custody of his child to him.

Have the police ever been called to the house?

It isn't underhand given the fact the OP has the full time responsibility towards their son and therefore the full time worry of ensuring that child has a room over his head.

It isn't unreasonable to move into a property that is currently sitting empty that the OP has paid an equal amount of money towards to secure the property. If it means the OP needs to pay the mortgage, that is no different to them having to pay rent, except the money is going towards the mortgage their name is already on.

The OP should be able to move in without the ex saying she can't. It depends on how cooperative their relationship is. But it isn't like the OP isn't on the mortgage and hasn't paid towards securing the property purchase. It does beg the question why the ex has put all the bills in their name and not jointly with the OP, I don't like the sound of that.

I agree the OP needs to seek RW legal advice, but then again if you come on MN asking for views then that's what you get, based on information given,

roof over his head

WorraLiberty They have but it was years ago (probably 5) so long before my son was born.

If you can afford to pay the bills and your half of the mortgage, then it would be best all round if you do live there rather than leaving the property empty.

You moved out of your old place because the neighbour complained about your baby crying?

Get a lodger in the house and move in....pay the mortgage yourself. Get more work. It's a far better solution.

WorraLiberty I could go in to all the reasons I left but it'd take a while. The neighbours were the straw that broke the camels back, but it'd make for a very messy thread to mention all the rest.

The OP should have been paying half the mortgage as it's in joint names. She's already lumbered him with the full cost until it's sold.

Sorry but why on Earth is OP entitled to move into a house she pays nothing towards without discussing it with the person she owns it with?

Because she owns it so is legally allowed to do so, whether she pays towards it or not. As a pp said, getting a lodger or two would pay her share of the mortgage, but definitely easier to wait it out and sell when the mortgage penalty drops, then use the equity to rent somewhere for her and the baby.

You need some legal advice, OP.

If you claim benefits as a single parent they won’t expect you to work until your child is three. However bear in mind that the longer you leave it the harder it will be to get another job.

If you own a house you don’t live in you’re expected to declare it when making a claim, I think. You won’t get any help with the mortgage until you’ve been claiming about nine months, then you get a loan to pay the interest.

IceCreamAndCandyFloss I haven't lumbered him with anything. We agreed that we'd buy the house, live together and I'd give up work to look after our son as childcare would cost far more than I was earning.
He decided he didn't want to move away from the city and he wasn't ready for things to change in his life. If anything he's 'lumbered' me with having to look after a child on my own (of course I don't see it that way).

The OP should have been paying half the mortgage as it's in joint names. She's already lumbered him with the full cost until it's sold.

She is the mother of his child ! That isn't lumbering him with anything. He can exercise choice and freedom that is currently not available to the OP because she is the primary carer of their joint child. He's 90 mins away and immune from the every day worry. He needs to firmly in the real-world, and if the OPs use of that empty property that is partly owned by her anyway, can be a contribution to the family he partially helped to create then that's a result.

Just sending him a message saying you and baby need a break from living with your family so you're gonna have a little holiday in your house and can you please get together next week to talk the medium to long term over

He decided he didn't want to move away from the city and he wasn't ready for things to change in his life.

So there we have it - he gets to choose not to have his life turned upside down.

OP, I hope you seek advice, so you can be certain it's the right approach for your circumstances, but honestly based on what you've said, you absolutely have the moral high ground on this, and should do what's right for you and your little one.

If you are able to re-jig your finances so that you can own the property, it will give you an important advantage, as many people are sadly struggling to move from renting to owning, so you're already on the first rung of the ladder.

And yes, a conversation with your ex is very much part of that forward plan, but at least stand your ground that you do have rights.

Thank you everyone for your advice, it's been really helpful. Things have calmed down here so providing there are no more upsets I'm going to stay put until I can get some professional advice on Tuesday.
As some of you have said making my ex angry by just moving in probably wouldn't be a good move. But I'm scared to tell him what's going on until I know what my options are, which hopefully I will on Tuesday.

daisychain01 Thank you, you've been very kind. I'll get some advice first thing on Tuesday. I really wish having the moral high ground meant more legally!

Just sending him a message saying you and baby need a break from living with your family so you're gonna have a little holiday in your house and can you please get together next week to talk the medium to long term over

I think that's really good advice from Desmondo2016.

Families without a member having MH problems often find it really hard and stressful, when another family member moves in with a baby anyway.

So it probably wouldn't look strange. The issue of no furniture/cooker etc is a difficult one to solve though if you have no money.

Speak to your ex and say with the baby moving about you need more space, so you want to stay in the house until it's sold. Let him know that you need to agree medium and long term maintenance amounts so that you know what to put on the benefits forms and what you do about getting your own place once the house has sold. Could you get a 1-bed flat with your £15k if you had some part-time work? Mortgage can still be cheaper than renting sometimes.