Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Too young' for him?

166 replies

fanvolvi · 26/05/2019 08:25

BF's family has made comments about me being 'too young' for him.
I haven't met them yet, but I am this month.
I'm even more apprehensive to now I know their view.
I'm 19, he's 26/27.
Is this something that they'll just get used to or am I always going to feel a bit judged for the age difference right now?

OP posts:
Kkd85 · 26/05/2019 12:50

It's not creepy at all op as long as yous are both happy it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. I met my DH when I was 26 he was 37 a month away from turning 38 the age gap was never a problem and never has been. We are together 8 years now and have a beautiful ds and hope to be having another DC soon. Ignore anyone who is saying it's creepy I actually find them weird for saying that tbh x

Justbreathing · 26/05/2019 13:04

This thread is mad!

KarmaStar · 26/05/2019 13:19

If you two are happy ignore other people's opinions,they are entitled to them,but not to decide to gossip.
Enjoy your life the way you want to live it 💞

DrCoconut · 26/05/2019 13:20

My parents had a 31 year age gap. I was a decade younger than my 2 significant exes. None of these relationships ended well. Could just be bad luck. My grandma had a rule that was apparently handed on to her by her mum of no more than 4 years between a couple (either way round) for a successful marriage.

herculepoirot2 · 26/05/2019 13:22

It’s only 7 years. I don’t see the big deal.

mintcucumber · 26/05/2019 13:23

I’m wondering what happens the night before a 19 year old turns 20 that turns them from an immature teen to an adult capable of a relationship. Or what makes a man less “creepy”.

LakieLady · 26/05/2019 13:26

I think women tend to mature earlier than men, so at 19 you're quite possibly every bit as mature as your BF if he's a bit on the "young" side OP!

Anyway, age is no more than a date on a bit of paper, it's how old you are in your heads that matters.

JinglingHellsBells · 26/05/2019 13:32

@MrsHormonal2019

Your one personal experience does not negate scientific research.

How can what you chose to do disprove research about brain development?

GirlsBlouse17 · 26/05/2019 13:33

I don't see it as a problem as long as you both enjoy being together and have lots in common and you share the same values. If being together stops you from seeing your friends in your age group or stops you from doing things you enjoy at your age and rushes you into things you're not ready for yet, then it is a problem.

JinglingHellsBells · 26/05/2019 13:35

I think the reason this thread is 'mad' is that too many posters are relating personal experiences, rather than accepting that general stats do have a place.

Of course not ALL teenagers are immature, but across the general population, you can deduce some 'norms' of behaviour, on average.

R4ch4el · 26/05/2019 13:36

If he treats you nicely and you are happy together then I don’t see why there is any issue. Some people are so closed minded, forget them and just do what makes you happy. And his parents will come round to the idea over time.

starray · 26/05/2019 13:36

I was 19 when I met my husband who was 28....not remotely creepy at all! We are 47 and 56 now.

Justbreathing · 26/05/2019 13:52

But it’s clear she’s different from other 19 yr olds. She’s had a child. She’s had a similar life experience to him. She’s going to be a fuck lot more mature than most 19 yr olds. And that actually comes across from her.

That’s why I don’t really understand people’s aversion.

motherheroic · 26/05/2019 13:58

Isn't it interesting that all these grown men who date teenagers ALWAYS happen to find the 'mature' ones?

A question to the women who dated their husband in their teens. When you turned the age that your husband was when you met, did you think back about how creepy it was?

herculepoirot2 · 26/05/2019 14:04

In all seriousness, though, at 19 even 49 years ago, marrying a 26 year old would not just have been acceptable, it would not have invited comment. It was the norm. A 19 year old woman is physically mature, usually fertile, fully grown etc. For me, I can see that some 19 year olds aren’t ready to go out with a man in his 20s, but I would have had no problem with it. 27 might well have been the ‘top end’ for me, but it would not have occurred to me that my partner was “creepy” for being attracted to me as I was then: fit, slim, curvy, capable of holding sensible conversation, absolutely an adult.

herculepoirot2 · 26/05/2019 14:05

Should say 40 years.

Youngandfree · 26/05/2019 14:05

@motherheroic no as I was 20 (nearly 21) I didn’t think it was creepy at all. I was finishing uni and we met in a mature setting (not in a nightclub etc) so I didn’t think he was creepy. By the time I was 29 we were married with 2 kids so it was the last thing I could be bothered thinking about 🙄

Iamtinkabella · 26/05/2019 14:09

nothing wrong with it. Was in exactly the same situation age wise and had our lovely DD. this is recent too. enjoy your relationship. people will warm to it xx

Userwhatevernumber · 26/05/2019 14:14

Gosh I cannot believe some of the views on this thread. Anyone would think the OP was 16 and her boyfriend 36...it is making me really uncomfortable. All this he must be controlling and creepy is bollocks

NunoGoncalves · 26/05/2019 14:17

I think a lot of people don't give enough credit to 18-20 year olds. Maybe rightly in some cases, but I know plenty of people that age who are mature, level-headed and indiscernible from people in their mid-20s in a social setting.

Teddybear45 · 26/05/2019 14:26

From the perspective of a mum, I’d be very worried about the decision making capability of any 19 yo daughter who got pregnant at 15-18, was in an abusive relationship for 3 years, and then got straight with a 27 yo. You should be focussing on yourself and your child, building independance, not sticking to any guy who treats you with a bit of kindness

Teddybear45 · 26/05/2019 14:27

If this was a mature 19 yo with a track history of making good decisions then maybe it wouldn’t invite comment

BogglesGoggles · 26/05/2019 14:28

@morherheroic I was younger than OP when I met my husband. I still haven’t got to his age yet (15 year age gap) but obviously I am old enough to be completely out of touch when th teenagers. Honestly, I can’t bring myself to lump them into one big group of immature idiots and I don’t find what happened creepy. I was the one who did the majority of the pursuing though so F there’s anyone who can be accused of creepiness here it’s not my poor husband. We both respected each other and have an equal relationship which we have both benefited from. What happened was perfectly natural. We were both young, attractive, intelligent people who were extremely similar (we had very similar childhoods, similar interests, similar beliefs etc) and wanted the same thing. No one was surprised when we announced we were getting married and frequently remark on how similar we are. Although to be fair a lot of people assumed I was his age though so maybe that’s why it was so readily accepted. Would I find it strange if a man like my husband had started dating the vacuous stereotype of a teenager that everyone here seems to be using as a comparison? Yes. But do I think that a large age gap always results in a disparity in a relationship? No.

NameChangedNoImagination · 26/05/2019 14:29

I think it depends what kind of 19 year old you are tbh, as there's a huge variation in maturity at that age. Seeing as you have a child so are presumably quite mature, I don't see any problem.

zsazsajuju · 26/05/2019 14:29

Its pretty creepy at the age of op. It’s a huge difference in maturity at that age.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread