'Too young' for him?

[fanvolvi]

BF's family has made comments about me being 'too young' for him.
I haven't met them yet, but I am this month.
I'm even more apprehensive to now I know their view.
I'm 19, he's 26/27.
Is this something that they'll just get used to or am I always going to feel a bit judged for the age difference right now?

He had a kid at 17? And he is now 27, so his child is 10/11? That's probably the issue here, youre only 8 years older than his chik

@Hithere12 he's 26 not 50.

one day you will be 27 and you will realise that normal, non-creepy blokes seeking fair and equal relationships are not remotely interested in teenagers

This. I think when you reach 27 you’ll feel very differently about the situation OP. There is a massive difference in the maturity levels, as a teen/ early twenties your brain is still developing.

I’m close in age to your BF and would view anyone I knew dating a teen with much suspicion. It feels predatory and like they would want to exploit the lack of life experience a much younger person has.

@Highway 9.

What a load of crap Hermione

I was nearly 18 and my dh was 26 when we got together, though I had known him since I was a lot younger. I really think it is disrespectful for pps to say it’s creepy. It was not a case of him preying on me! I was actually the one who had my head screwed on, financially etc. and had dealt with a lot of issues that had made me grow up very quickly! To be honest if anyone has been the “boss” in our relationship, it is me!
It can work. We married when I was 20, have 4 children, 3 grandchildren and have been married for 34 years.

I think an average 19 year old would be too immature for an average 27 year old but we have no idea of the individuals involved here so it's unfair to write off OP's DP as creepy. I would just meet the family and hope that they come around eventually. In 3 years time if the relationship survives the age difference won't seem like a huge deal and they'll just think of you as you not "the teenager their son is dating".

I remember a thread on here from a 19 year old who was dating an older man and was asking advice about sleeping patterns of his children, who he left her to babysit.

She genuinely though she was a second mother to these children and claimed to love and care for them like her own. She had been in the relationship a few short months and took great offence to the suggestions by some to get out and live her life (she was unemployed).

If you aren’t sacrificing anything to be in this relationship, if he respects you and doesn’t try To limit your potential or options and if he makes you happy go for it.

At 19 you have so much potential, you should be gathering he skills and qualifications to shape the rest of your life, and to provide a solid and happy childhood for your child. No one on here can know of this relationship will last or not - enjoy it but don’t let it stop you doing anything you want or need to do.

You say you were in an abusive relationship for 3 years and i assume that was from 16 to 19?

You also say you recognise red flags.

There is a contradiction there unless you only learned about red flags after those 3 years.

I reiterate what I said before. At 19, focus on yourself and your child.
What about your career? Work? Setting yourself some career goals?

The last thing you need imo is to lumber yourself with a bloke who became a father at 17 and who has a record of bad relationships.

You don't need to get into a relationship again so soon. You can exist perfectly well on your own for a few years.

@JinglingHellsBells 15 to 18. There was a lot of red flags but we'd had a child together so my instincts were to make it work.

There's nothing stopping me from focusing on myself and my child. There's nothing stopping me progressing with work.

Also seems a bit offensive to make a comment about him becoming a father at 17 as a negative thing (when I did the same too) and he doesn't have a 'history' of bad relationships. (If you're referring to the fact he's been through a break up, doesn't everyone have a history of bad relationships then?)

We had a 16 year gap. It was never an issue. (Except that he died at the age I have just reached)

@Esspee sorry to hear that!

Frankly, it’s rather creepy of him

God, not quite 8 years difference.... Prudish much?

Ignore OP, as long as you're both happy and fully informed it's nobody else's business.

It really depends on both maturity levels, my brother in laws girlfriend Is 19 and has pretended to be pregnant several times just for attention but my brother in law at 26 is just as immature so they are pretty well
Matched .
You sound like you are pretty mature and with a child you have grown up quickly hopefully your partner is the same

I think when you reach 27 you’ll feel very differently about the situation OP.

This could be the case. It was in mine (although I was 17 and he was 26, on and off to when I was 18/19). Seemed totally normal to me at the time, when I got to his age I looked back and thought WTF - none of the decent men I knew at that age would have done that.

Things may be somewhat different in your case because having had a child you are at a different life stage to some other 19 year olds. But just go into it with your eyes open. Good luck OP and I hope it works out for you.

My dh and I were those ages when we started going out and frankly I find it strange that people have an issue with 2 consenting adults having a relationship . We’ve been married for 30 yrs this year , he’s just had his 60th birthday and he’s still not remotely creepy but is getting a bit creaky .

I don't think there's anything wrong with the age gap, OP. If you really like him then you'll just have to get used to it.

I don't agree. If you were 16 and him 24 then maybe, but at 19 you aren't a child. If you stay together the age gap will close the older you get (but will open up again once you get to 70 plus). It really depends on what life experience you have both had.

Having a partner very close to your own age is relatively new. Years ago quite large age gaps were common. I'm sure I read somewhere that the optimal age gap was six years (the man being the older one). It's worked for DH and me anyway

I don't see the problem with your ages
I met my Dp when I was 18 and he was 29
we have been together 24 years and have 5 children together

If a relationship works it works regardless of the ages

It really depends on maturity and whether you're both on the same page with where you are/want to end up in life. Which from what you said, it seems like you are.

I was 20 when I met DH. He was 28. 7 years later, happily married with 2 children. He has a great job and I'm studying for a degree whilst being a SAHM. Works for us. The age gap has never been an issue. Its 7 years ffs, not 70!

Best of luck to you OP. You'll learn to ignore any judgey comments and looks.

At that age I think it is a large age gap. Why on earth would a 27 year old be interested in a 19 year old?! However there is 17 years between my husband and I and that works. We are in ourb30s and 50s though.

When you say you are a teenager and he is in his late 20 then it does sound like you are too young for him.

But, saying that, one of my friends was 16 when she met her future husband and he was 24 and they have been happily married for over 30 years now.

@fanvolvi

I do not think it is a good thing for a boy or a girl to be a parent at 16 or 17. I doubt you will find many people who do. It is usually a mistake by not using contraception properly or at all. People of that age are still children themselves. rarely are they equipped emotionally or financially to support a child. They turn to to their parents or the state.

So if you find this offensive, so I do I as I am supporting these life choices through my tax.

There are some very alarmist comments on here. Probably some 26 year old men prey on younger women who they think will put up with more. Definitely there are men of all ages who seek out women who they think they can control, and sadly on this website there are posts all the time from women of all ages who don't seem to have the self confidence to tell them to get stuffed.

I was 19 when I met my 26 year old now-DH. He wasn't some predator going after a younger, "eager to please" girl. He was an immature 26 year old who, frankly, would not have been suitable for a lot of women his own age as he was nowhere near ready to think about settling down. I was an angry feminist who could start a fight with an inanimate object. We finished growing up together, effectively, and got married when we were both in our 30s and it was clear that our goals and ambitions for life were aligned.

Yes, obviously keep your eyes open for red flags and controlling behaviour, and don't rush into anything permanent - but do that no matter what age he is, not because he's 26.

@sirmione16

Out of curiosity (and wanting to advise the younger members of my family!) what job was well paid at such a relatively young age?