Mum is 86 in June, and having a cataract operation on her birthday. She lives alone in a lovely place abroad where people go for holidays.
I managed to persuade hubby to let me go at Easter with the kids, and was concerned that she is getting a bit confused. Hubby had serious surprise surgery year and half ago and is v depressed but managed 12 days alone ( friends were brilliant)while I visited her. Obviously I would like to visit mum in summer/ as often as possible. Thought it would be cheap and easy and fiestas etc on.for kids. And he can sit by pool .
She’s also always said, ‘don’t worry, visit when you can’ and this is the first time she’s said it would be nice to have me there. For op.
Husband never been keen to spend his holidays with his mil. ( been 2 or 3 times for a week in 20 years. Everyone else I know loves it, and mum not exactly hard work. I always have a real struggle to get to go and visit. And kids always ask why dad doesn’t come) Fair enough, so we usually have a week in the uk. And he wants to do that this year, says it’s too hot and he’ll be stuck in her living room
My thinking is that we live in a lovely part of the uk so to drive 10 hours to more countryside and self catering is well, ok, but just more countryside.
.Obv being critically ill affects your mood and we both got v depressed trying to entertain kids in countryside and felt very isolated, even with v supportive mates. To me a week off season will just be more that. How do I entertain kids early teens who don’t like beach or walking ? Last year we stopped in lakes on way from his mum and it wasn’t really a success. He’s also v depressed so hard to keep atmosphere positive for kids. And depression is catching. It’s horrible actually.
He is Also the earner, in a job he hates. I’m forevr looking for work and not getting much joy ( I do a day a week at the mo) have some savings to get air fare.
So Who do I ‘look after’? He doesn’t want to go to mums which is Fair enough but would make like so simple. but how do I get to see her? Would it be ok to go see her for the week of her op and leave him at home with kids? (11 and 14, so could fend for themselves till he gets in). Or have hol with him then take kids to see mum and leave him alone for a week? I’m sure there’s a simple answer. Not helped in that visiting mum is seen as a holiday, while he earns all the money. ( really don’t spend anything on me and I’ll use savings to pay for fare). and I’m being daft, but tbh feeling bit overwhelmed. Would be so easy if he’d just enjoy going to Spain! Or Aibu.? Solutions please!