I was on a train that hit somebody today (Distressing content)

[mindgoinground12]

Im normaly posting here about one of my 5 DS's and i didnt know were to put this particular topic.
Before i start i just want to say, i dont want to make this about me, all of my thoughts have been going to the family, driver and services who dealt with the aftermath.
I had been on a day out seeing friends, rural village. Got on a busy train heading home. Suddenly heard the horn, then a horrible sound which i can only describe as branches hitting a bus window and a bump. The train came to a halt, i thought we'd hit an animal. They came on the intercom to say incedent this soon turned into a person on the line, then fatality. The police arrived quickly, we on the train tried our best to distract kids who were getting restless and try to stop them looking at the police/clean up who were going beside the train. (couldnt see anything apart from the police) after a few hours we moved. But i cant keep going over things, my eldest has server mental health problems and i dont know if thats making me think diffrently. But i kept thinking how easily accsed the track was, how that bump, was a life gone. The driver, the emergency services who dealt with the aftermath. The family who will be reciving the worst news today. I dont feel i can be upset as it wasnt me who was involved, but i can t help thinking about what happened. Its cropped up on news and all they taled about was the delays, non of us on the train thought about that. I dont know what i want to get from this post, maybe to just right it down.

"Having been suicidal myself the only thing I could think about at the time was wanting to choose something that would be as effective as possible."

Exactly. You need to know that the pain will end because you can't survive. Death is all you want because life is unbearable pain and you can't stand one more second of that degree of mental agony.

@PutyourtoponTrevor So great you were able to create something good out of tragedy. So open hearted.

It's not the same. Killing yourself by jumping into traffic or in front of a train, involves other people in the moment of your death - and they've had no control or choice in the matter. The effect on drivers can be profound, as per the post further up the thread from the poster who works with those affected. It can ruin the lives of the drivers - so yes, it is selfish
I wouldn't see it as selfish, suicidal thoughts are so hard to ignore, your pain ending is
Your focus.

Emerald on that basis, a driver who was affected by this, would have no right to feel angry then, would they? Angry about the effect it had on them, their life, their work, their families. If the act isn't selfish then you can't be angry about the consequences it brings you.

As terrible as it as, would be so terrible to have a place like Aokigahara forest in Japan as sick as it sounds.
There was an epidemic of women committing suicide here last year, DC finding their mother hanging every week.
My friend done it in November, she asked her 13 yo to come home at lunch, so someone would realise she wasn't going to be here to pick up her youngest from school anymore, Her 13 yo will never get over it, she adored her 4 children, now they see the place she took her life in her bedroom daily.

Emerald on that basis, a driver who was affected by this, would have no right to feel angry then
Josh no, I posted to soon, it is horrible for everyone involved.

I meant would it be so bad if we had a place like Aokigahara forest in Japan, although I know in Japan people are sent if they shame their family.
A place were people can take their life with minimal impact on those around them.

You need to know that the pain will end because you can't survive.

Tragically, a minority do survive. I’ve been involved in two resuscitations of people who have jumped in front of trains. Both suffered catastrophic life changing injuries. I felt that we had no right to inflict life on them.

Goodness OP, I didn't read your original post thinking you were making it about you, it shows that you are a kind, sensitive person - it's a terrible thing to experience. I'm so sorry it's happened to you.

When I was a teenager I travelled to Manchester airport to catch a flight with a friend of the same age. At some point on the journey we became delayed and were moved over to a goods line. As it turned out this was as a result of a fatality. Shockingly the train took us slowly next to the young woman who had died. I can remember seeing her naked body and 2 policeman stood next to her smoking a cigarette. I have no idea why she was not covered or why we were led passed her but 30 years later that image has stayed with me. I’m a police officer but some things don’t really leave you so no one caught up in a traumatic incident should feel bad about being upset or should feel as if they don’t have the right to their feelings. We’re all human.

I meant would it be so bad if we had a place like Aokigahara forest in Japan, although I know in Japan people are sent if they shame their family. A place were people can take their life with minimal impact on those around them.

Interesting point about suicide in Japan - did you know that your relatives can be sued for financial compensation if you die by suicide? Landlords have previously sued the families for the loss of value to their properties.

A work colleague did this a few years ago - jumped off a bridge in front of a train.

I will never forget his funeral and how broken his wife and teenage children were.

Everyone in the workplace was affected - we seemed to talk about little else for weeks. So distressing for the driver, the emergency services and everyone on the train.

I still think of him every year near the time when it happened. How desperate he must have been to do this.

OP - you have every right to feel deeply affected. I know we will sadly never stop people from ending their own lives but I wish we could find a way to stop this particular method.

My daughter drives a train and I dread this happening to her.

I suppose anything you do where you don't consider the impact on others could be called selfish. Unfortunately, suicide doesn't end the pain - it simply passes it on.
OP - it is perfectly normal for you to be upset. The John Donne poem "No man is an island" sums it up perfectly - 'any man's death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind'
I hope you feel better soon.

How upsetting op.
I was on a tube train that hit someone. The lights went out and we were kept in the train for an age, and then let out eventually through the end carriage. Everyone was quiet and visibly distressed by what had happened. The driver was in a bad way. It is a terrible thing to witness .
A family friend killed himself by stepping in front of a train, and that has been a hard thing to come to terms with.

Someone’s life has ended and their family have been left traumatised. It is understandable that you and other people on the train will be disturbed and very sad.

YANBU how sad for all involved.

My dad is an undertaker. I still remember the first time he dealt with a suicide involving a train, it was nearly 20 years ago but I remember Dad sitting in the garden sobbing. Dad had dealt with some horrible deaths and seen so much grief and it rarely affected him but this one the train driver came in to ask about flowers. Dad said he just looked so broken and it was the first time Dad hadn't known what to say.

Dad deals with death every day, there are strangers he will cry over and some cases he will feel more than others. These are people he had nothing to do with until their death. You can be upset, you can cry if you need to, it isn't making it all about you, its just being human

How horrible for everyone concerned op

DO take care of yourself and go to your GP if you feel a need to talk to someone. A friend of mine did part of her medical training at The Priory and said that there were people coming in from the Clapham Junction crash years later - they had carried on at the time but a later event triggered it for them. Look after yourself and get help if you need it - it is a natural response to witnessing a violent death

My husband killed himself that way several years ago. He wasn't selfish. He was the kindest and loveliest man in the world and one who dedicated his life to helping others.

But he was ill and he knew that he was never going to get better. He had tried everything, every drug, every type of therapy but nothing worked. He was in danger of losing the job he loved and causing the people he loved pain.

He chose that way because there was no going back. He killed himself because he genuinely thought that we would all be better off without him and that once he'd gone, we would be less sad.

Him dying devastated our lives and the lives of everyone affected. However, it was the actions of a very ill man, not someone selfish.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh I'm sorry and of course your husband wasn't selfish. You clearly understood your husband so well you know how he thought.

I also hope that he is resting in peace now.

I've also seen my mother die of cancer and listen to her and everyone around her talk about how she will be at peace soon. Why can't we show people who are so badly affected by mental illness that same compassion and understanding that death is a release from the pain? Why do we have to judge them and call the, selfish? Feel ashamed admitting how they died as if society is still judging them, and us as well for not preventing it.

I couldn't save my mother because the cancer had spread too far; and I couldn't save my husband because his illness was also terminal.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh. Massive hugs. And of course your husband wasn't selfish.

Leighhalfpennysthigh
Your post is a perfect description of many who commit suicide. If anything it is carried out by a kind sensitive person, not a selfish person.
MH effects everyone at some point, yet it is taboo.
I have suffered a bad bout of depression, I had suicidal thoughts, it is amazing how a depressed mind can convince you it is the best for everyone.
I have 2 young DC, I am grateful I am on the other side and much more aware of triggers.
I wonder if it is an ingrained reaction to despair, hopefully in the future people will be able to talk more.
I wish you and your family well.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh I couldn't agree more with you. Whilst of course you didn't want to lose either your husband or your mother, you acknowledge that they were both suffering immense pain and that ultimately their illnesses took their lives.

I could honestly scream at the ignorance of some people when speaking about mental health illness.

Like any illness the pain and suffering is fucking real.

@EmeraldShamrock I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better, take care.

I lost my brother to MH illness, it drove him to alcohol and he used that to slowly kill himself. My brother wasn't selfish, my brother could stop despite half the fucking world thinking "pull yourself together".

He didn't want to be the person that died that way, but his mental health issues killed him the same way a cancer or other illness would.