I was on a train that hit somebody today (Distressing content)

[mindgoinground12]

Im normaly posting here about one of my 5 DS's and i didnt know were to put this particular topic.
Before i start i just want to say, i dont want to make this about me, all of my thoughts have been going to the family, driver and services who dealt with the aftermath.
I had been on a day out seeing friends, rural village. Got on a busy train heading home. Suddenly heard the horn, then a horrible sound which i can only describe as branches hitting a bus window and a bump. The train came to a halt, i thought we'd hit an animal. They came on the intercom to say incedent this soon turned into a person on the line, then fatality. The police arrived quickly, we on the train tried our best to distract kids who were getting restless and try to stop them looking at the police/clean up who were going beside the train. (couldnt see anything apart from the police) after a few hours we moved. But i cant keep going over things, my eldest has server mental health problems and i dont know if thats making me think diffrently. But i kept thinking how easily accsed the track was, how that bump, was a life gone. The driver, the emergency services who dealt with the aftermath. The family who will be reciving the worst news today. I dont feel i can be upset as it wasnt me who was involved, but i can t help thinking about what happened. Its cropped up on news and all they taled about was the delays, non of us on the train thought about that. I dont know what i want to get from this post, maybe to just right it down.

A friend commited suicide by train a few months ago. It was absolutely heartbreaking for us all. However another mutual friend is a train manager, she was on that train when it hit him. Once cleared they swapped staff to allow her and the driver to process what happened however they remained on the train to travel home, approximately an hour after they left the original scene the same train hit another person.

My friend was offered counselling and went back to work pretty soon, it wasn't her first and won't be her last set of fatalities, however the driver is still off work trying to process what happened, almost 4 months later.

I feel so very deeply for the person and their families and also those directly involved who have been given no choice what so ever in the matter whose lives it affects for a long time after.

How awful. You sound like a lovely empathetic person OP and it's no wonder you feel upset. You sound almost guilty for having those feelings,and you really shouldn't . Be kind to yourself,allow yourself to grieve that person you never knew and give your children (your eldest especially) a massive hug x

It's not the same. Killing yourself by jumping into traffic or in front of a train, involves other people in the moment of your death - and they've had no control or choice in the matter. The effect on drivers can be profound, as per the post further up the thread from the poster who works with those affected. It can ruin the lives of the drivers - so yes, it is selfish.

So if someone is in a completely dissociated state and walking towards a railway track hallucinating that there are people/monsters trying to chase and harm and kill them, and they end up walking in front of a train, they're selfish?

If you have survived suicide attempts, you should be aware that people saying that suicide is "selfish" is a very harmful thing to say.

There is still so much stigma towards mental health.

I have seen the term ‘commit’ suicide on here twice in 12 hours.

We shouldn’t be using this term. ‘Commit’ harks back to a time when suicide was considered a crime.

I feel for you OP. It would be giving me nightmares for a while. While I wouldn't deny the issues surrounding those who take their own lives I agree that it leaves their family and anyone else involved with a traumatic experience. I had an aunt who tried to commit suicide, back in the 50's, when it was a crime. She lived in the same road, my df dealt with it but my dm, her dsis, ended up with a stroke shortly afterwards, which my Df out down to the stress.

I've started a new thread in chat about the idea of people being selfish when they commit suicide as I feel like it's such an important point but getting into it here is going off the original point of OP's post.

As an aside - I understand the history behind the use of 'committing' suicide but it just rolls off the tongue. What is the accepted alternative?

I don't like saying 'killed themselves' even though that's the case. It seems a bit blunt. Any ideas?

this is a genuine question as there are posters on here who have sadly been on the brink of suicide. A young person recently was having counselling and had talked about suicide and was asked why he had not taken that path and he said because of how it would have affected his family - so at that point he was thinking of others . But the next week he did commit suicide and it was his father that found him and obviously the affect has been horrendous . If there was assisted suicide but you had to go through compulsory counselling /help first and also speak to your family , do you think that would help people or if your mental health was that bad you would not even consider that on your radar? I don't want to offend anyone I just would like to understand . I just feel that if this boys family could have understood what their son was going through ( he apparently thought their were monsters all round his room and had moved all his furniture to the middle) perhaps they could have understood how for him suicide was just a total relief? Also we should be asking why are their so many people out there not getting the help they need , or when they are getting help its not good enough.

To the OP , I think what you are experiencing is totally understandable . I think it must have been very shocking .

I am honestly staggered that there are so many people commit suicide in this way, I honestly thought jumping in front of a train was a one off occurrence. Maybe that makes me naive, I rarely get the train and don't live in London - maybe that makes a difference? I just can't believe it, the poor drivers 😟

Died by suicide, not committed.

MrsJBaptiste it happens a lot,it's very sad.

I live in one of the major cities and a railway manager said it was 4 people per day for the trains that run into our station.

My dad was the one the train hit, we met the driver at the inquest, he was full of apologies, the poor man. This was 2012. He and his wife are now friends with me and my mum and we see them monthly.

Yes I completely sympathise with you. It’s s horrible incident to witness.
I’ve been on a train and this happened on my regular commute home. I remember the blast on the horn, the emergency breaking and subsequent stop, we all flew forwards in the aisles and our seats and the sheer panic of the train manager running towards the drivers cab.
It’s completely understand me you are upset by this.

I'm sorry you experienced this. I was on a train that hit someone. I will never forget the sound. My boss was an ex-conducter and explained that what I heard would have been the emergency braking system on the train that kicks in when the drivers break hard. That and the quick response time of the emergency services made me feel slightly less upset.

So if someone is in a completely dissociated state and walking towards a railway track hallucinating that there are people/monsters trying to chase and harm and kill them, and they end up walking in front of a train, they're selfish?

That's not suicide though, is it? It's an accident. Someone deliberately choosing to walk in front of a train is suicide.

The act is selfish. I know there is still so much stigma attached to mental health - I've been living with it for over 25 years! But that doesn't preclude me from being able to say that if you deliberately walk in front of a moving vehicle so that it kills you, that the impact to the driver of that vehicle isn't caused by selfishness - if that driver suffers mental health problems themselves as a result of what happens and it curtails their career.

I know that you don't think about that at the time - I really do know. But mental health doesn't stop you from being selfish or doing something selfish. I'm not suggesting that people should be castigated for it - they are unwell and it's the illness not the person. But that doesn't stop the results being selfish.

It is a very common occurance.
I knew someone who had to avoid hitting people 3 times whilst driving her car.
She lived very rurally and it was along the same stretch of unlit, winding , roads with no pavements and overgrown verges.
On the last occasion she was very angry and frankly pissed off that someone had done that to her. They could have ended her life too or caused her to have live changing injuries.

Your feelings are not wrong, they just are. And you are demonstrating a very healthy empathy for what you have closely witnessed.

The dictionary definition of selfish is that it means - lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

I say again, a suicidal person is not selfish. They do not have the mental capacity or rationale to consider their actions and they do not profit or get pleasure from their own (sometimes painful) death either.

Mental health stigma is so sad.

@ControversialFerret Has summed it up perfectly

"Died by suicide, not committed."

That's a very important distinction Mimsy. I had never thought about the language used before - you are right of course

Re whether or not it is 'selfish' (I am in the camp where the person who died by suicide can't really be held accountable, and I believe selfishness has to be a 'conscious' process to be selfish) - I think the problem is that many of the people who describe this as selfish are not thinking about the driver or emergency services, but their own petty preoccupation with the train's consequent late running and associated delays

This is so common unfortunately. I regularly get the train to London and in the last year it's happened about 7 times I've been getting the train. Delays due to fatalities.

Oh OP, what an awful thing to have to witness. Does your work offer an Employee Assistance Programme? They usually cover the cost of some therapy sessions, if you think that would help?

My husband has severe depression. He had a breakdown a few years ago and was off work. His doctor advised him to keep busy so he’d often go on day trips by train. I was always terrified that he’d consider jumping while on a platform.

I was so worried, I told him. His response was “I’d never do that, I couldn’t ruin a driver’s life. It’d be selfish”.

Weirdly, I found that reassuring as I figured that if he saw it that way, he wasn’t so far gone that his depression was completely distorting his perception. I think a lot of people with suicidal ideation believe that them staying alive is a selfish act, such is the hold that the disease has on them.