I was on a train that hit somebody today (Distressing content)

[mindgoinground12]

Im normaly posting here about one of my 5 DS's and i didnt know were to put this particular topic.
Before i start i just want to say, i dont want to make this about me, all of my thoughts have been going to the family, driver and services who dealt with the aftermath.
I had been on a day out seeing friends, rural village. Got on a busy train heading home. Suddenly heard the horn, then a horrible sound which i can only describe as branches hitting a bus window and a bump. The train came to a halt, i thought we'd hit an animal. They came on the intercom to say incedent this soon turned into a person on the line, then fatality. The police arrived quickly, we on the train tried our best to distract kids who were getting restless and try to stop them looking at the police/clean up who were going beside the train. (couldnt see anything apart from the police) after a few hours we moved. But i cant keep going over things, my eldest has server mental health problems and i dont know if thats making me think diffrently. But i kept thinking how easily accsed the track was, how that bump, was a life gone. The driver, the emergency services who dealt with the aftermath. The family who will be reciving the worst news today. I dont feel i can be upset as it wasnt me who was involved, but i can t help thinking about what happened. Its cropped up on news and all they taled about was the delays, non of us on the train thought about that. I dont know what i want to get from this post, maybe to just right it down.

I witnessed someone jump from a multistory car park as I came around the corner I saw something fall and the sound of him hitting the ground will stay with me forever
Take time for yourself OP x

@user1471514421 people see it as selfish because of the impact it has on so many other people. The driver could be left severely traumatised, as could all the people on the train who have an experience like the OP. Of course it awful for someone to take their own life, but to do so in a way which could cause many other people to have harm their mental health is just selfish.

My dad took his own life by standing in front of a train. I cannot believe there are people who believe this to be selfish? Can anyone explain why?

I'm so sorry about your dad

People think it is selfish because of the impact it has on others, the driver, passengers. Some train crew can't return to work for months even after counseling.

A family member was an hgv driver and this happened to him. He was badly affected, he had to stop driving for a living, didn't like driving a car or even really being in a car, his temper changed, he was so short-tempered, over-reacted to sudden noises or movements, which is tough with 3 small kids. His life was changed for ever.

So I can appreciate why people think this form of suicide is selfish. It affects completely innocent, uninvolved people and their families in a big way.

But I have nothing but sympathy for someone who feels they have reached this point in their lives. How lucky are those of us that have never been there.

** OP it's absolutely ok to feel shaken by this, it'll take time to process.

Anyone who travels on trains a lot will know how many people commit suicide this way, it's a lot sadly.

I was on a train that hit someone. I will never forget the sound. I couldn’t stop thinking about who it might have been and tried to find a news report, but it was surprisingly hard as it’s so common. It was an elderly gentleman.

I think it’s completely normal to be upset, it’s a sad thing.

This happened to be- with a jumper- on the way to work some years ago, I was then faced with the body being laid to the side (covered) right outside my window.

I was a wreck when I finally got to work, and it took me a while to stop seeing it in my head and thinking of family, driver etc just like you. I think it's a normal response. I still think about it- this post bring sit back in full colour.

It can be about you though OP as your reactions to the experience are totally valid.

OP, I'm so sorry this happened. The NHS booklet 'Help is at Hand' about suicide is very good, and talks about the very wide impact that a death like this has. It's not at all surprising that you have been upset.

It's terrible, I've not been on a train but did see someone jump from a bridge onto the tracks as a fast (not stopping) train came through the station. It will stay with you, don't be afraid to contact your doctor, I found just one appointment with a counsellor was enough but I needed it.

My friends dad ended his life on the tracks as you describe, it's alas common (DD's journey was rerouted on Tuesday because of a similar incident). I just wish people would seek help and we as a health system had better access to mental health assistance so people never get to the stage of ending their lives. It's train drivers I am most upset for (at least police sign up for upsetting work)

I lost a close friend who killed himself on a train line, it's so horrific for everyone involved, I'm so sorry op

Sadly if you commute you hear about this all the time. I went through Clapham Junction just after one case. It stays with you even though I did not witness it. It seems to be particularly bad in January.

It does seem a selfish way to end your life, because of the ripples of effect it has on others, but if you have made a decision like that your mind is not in the right place, and thinking about others is not an option, I would imagine.

OP, this is about you because you've witnessed something awful, and of course you will be upset.

DHs cousin was a train driver, but couldn't work after the second time a person jumped in front of his train.

Sadly it's a very effective way to end a life, but it also has huge repercussions for others.

It’s very sad ..and it effects so many people
My dh was in a job where he was one of the first on the scene for a lady who had jumped in front of a train.he had to lay in the tracks and hold her hand.it was in a station and there was a dip under the train she had fallen in to.
Only when the paramedics came did he realise her arm was detached from her body of the hand he was holding.
This lady did survive,but had life changing injuries.
My dh left his job very soon after ,not just because of that ,but other stuff too.

let all the emotions to come and go as they need to.you would have been in fight or flight protection mode on the train.going into practical head to keep things steady and sain,keep that heart beating allowing you to sort yourself out.now its hitting you what happened and all the emotional tunnels are being allowed open. this is just as important though and you need to just let it happen. but with the knoweldge that your ok and safe and kind to be thinking of the effect of this.
i new someone who did this.it was horrible.horrible horrible that she new nothing else but to do this depserate act to end her pain.

I'm so sorry OP.

It makes you wonder why it is so easy to take your own life in thIs way. Some London tube stations now have glass screens between platform and track with doors that open when the trains arrive. Maybe something similar should be put in place on main line stations to form a barrier between passengers and hi speeding trains.

Your feelings are valid OP and you don't have to minimize them.

I was on my way to my therapy session once when the whole line was closed down because of the same reason.That bit just stood out for me.

No one would say that someone having an epileptic fit was selfish. But it's a brain condition just like mental health.

In many cases people are out of their minds once they get to the state of being able to kill themselves. They aren't there anymore, it's not a choice and they're not in control. Their brain isn't working properly. Parts of their brain may have shut down already.

If you think that a person chooses suicide you don't understand mental health.

Having been in the position where I considered suicide by that method, I can only say that, at that time, I believed that I was so profoundly evil that not only was I unworthy of a better end, it was what I needed to do for the good of the world - a less brutal and public method wouldn't have been enough to save the people around me from my wickedness. All I had done to trigger these feelings was let a bag of fruit go off in the cupboard. What I'm trying to say is that, by the time people get to that point, their thought processes may have become so distorted that they don't make sense by any rational measure.

My heart goes out to those of you who have lost people in this way. I hope this comment isn't distressing for you - I dithered a while before posting it. And to the OP.

It doesn’t sound like you’re making it about you - you’re rightly shocked and upset, and trying to process the incident and its impact on everyone involved.
I know a train driver who recently had to stop their full-speed train due to someone walking onto the tracks - there was no way they could have stopped. A huge amount to process and each one of the trains 300+ passengers would be affected in their own ways.

@NCforthistopic123

Thank you for posting. Its really eye opening for those that believe its selfish. As a Samaritan (obviously wouldn't identify myself in real life but I feel like I can on here and then NC after) I never understand people that say it's a selfish act - I know that people are not in their right self when they come to the decision to do this. It's not even a decision/choice really in the end. OP be kind to yourself - talk it out and dont bottle it up.

@whiteroseredrose

Other methods of killing yourself often aren't very effective. Having been suicidal myself the only thing I could think about at the time was wanting to choose something that would be as effective as possible.

So yes, in a way it is selfish as you don't give any thought to the driver,etc but this is because the illness gives you complete tunnel vision where all you can think about is wanting to die. You become obsessed with it and completely blinkered to anything else.

It's not the person being selfish, it's all part of the illness.

No one would say that someone having an epileptic fit was selfish. But it's a brain condition just like mental health.

It's not the same. Killing yourself by jumping into traffic or in front of a train, involves other people in the moment of your death - and they've had no control or choice in the matter. The effect on drivers can be profound, as per the post further up the thread from the poster who works with those affected. It can ruin the lives of the drivers - so yes, it is selfish.

And I say that as someone with long-standing MH issues and previous suicide attempts. I didn't choose my health condition and I certainly wasn't thinking about other people when I tried to end my life. But (on one occasion) when I was standing on a motorway bridge thinking about stepping over it, then it would have been horrendous for the drivers below. I wasn't thinking about that, but in the clear light of day and after the fact I can see that had I done so it would have unfairly involved other people in my own pain and distress.

It would have upset me too. I work in mental health and have had to talk someone down from taking their life several times, I have also been asked to do it for them as they were scared to do it themselves

A local lad jumped from a railway bridge here many years ago, he had schizophrenia and was a addict, it destroyed his family .

It is a regular occurrence and there’s nothing a train driver can do, they are given training and support to deal with these situations but I can imagine it must be awful to see what’s about to happen and not be able to stop it, also terrible for those who have to clean up afterwards. Someone who makes the decision to jump in front of a train must be so poorly that they can’t consider the other people involved, they just want to end it and make sure they are not going to walk away from it, sadly jumping in front of a train is 100% chance of not surviving.

I’m pleased I don’t travel by train, I have heard many stories like OP’s where parents have had to explain to children what has happened and why

DS1 is a train driver, someone was pushed off the platform in front of him as he was pulling into a station, he managed to stop before hitting the young lad. Had it been further down the platform he would have been hit.
It was a group of lads "mucking about" but the impact on those on the platform who witnessed it and Ds1 was huge.
Don't dismiss your feelings OP, take time to recover.

As an aside DS1 says very few drivers who hit "jumpers" can continue in the job.

For breastfeeding worries it’s possible that she means timing of her trains was impacted by fatalities. Typically an incident like this delays all trains running on the line for many hours, not just the one that actually strikes someone. My DH is a regular long distance commuter and sadly we do have periods where there are repeated delays for this reason.