I was on a train that hit somebody today (Distressing content)

[mindgoinground12]

Im normaly posting here about one of my 5 DS's and i didnt know were to put this particular topic.
Before i start i just want to say, i dont want to make this about me, all of my thoughts have been going to the family, driver and services who dealt with the aftermath.
I had been on a day out seeing friends, rural village. Got on a busy train heading home. Suddenly heard the horn, then a horrible sound which i can only describe as branches hitting a bus window and a bump. The train came to a halt, i thought we'd hit an animal. They came on the intercom to say incedent this soon turned into a person on the line, then fatality. The police arrived quickly, we on the train tried our best to distract kids who were getting restless and try to stop them looking at the police/clean up who were going beside the train. (couldnt see anything apart from the police) after a few hours we moved. But i cant keep going over things, my eldest has server mental health problems and i dont know if thats making me think diffrently. But i kept thinking how easily accsed the track was, how that bump, was a life gone. The driver, the emergency services who dealt with the aftermath. The family who will be reciving the worst news today. I dont feel i can be upset as it wasnt me who was involved, but i can t help thinking about what happened. Its cropped up on news and all they taled about was the delays, non of us on the train thought about that. I dont know what i want to get from this post, maybe to just right it down.

I was stuck in a 7-hr traffic jam on the M25 as there was a jumper from a bridge - a bridge that was only 100 metres from where we were in the jam. It was our exit junction - we could see where we were supposed to leave the motorway.

Everyone was pissed off, it was a hot day, running out of food/water, having to climb up the banking & over the fence to do a hedgie, people playing football on the hard shoulder.

I found out during the following week that a close friend had escaped from the local psychiatric ward and it was her that had jumped. I'd visited her a few days before and she seemed to be improving - I guess she was at peace as she'd decided what she was going to do. I knew her well, we'd been on the same ward several times.

At the inquest the hospital was found not to be following protocol - other patients had escaped in the previous few years and done exactly the same thing.

It was a strange day when her brother called to inform me of her death. I got out of the shower to take the call & was standing in the bathroom, dripping on the bath mat, as he told me. I remember he was horrified that I'd been so close - a couple of minutes later & I would've seen it all.

I feel for the the families and unwilling witnesses as well as train/vehicle drivers, security services and clear up crews. The Samaritans were a great help to me.

So sorry you have experienced this. I have no doubt you are shaken, this will take some time to pass.

My dad took his own life by standing in front of a train. I cannot believe there are people who believe this to be selfish? Can anyone explain why? I mean, imagine being so mentally ill, you believe this is the only option to ease the pain. Imagine that persons pain, in the moments before.

I would love to hear from someone who believes this way

It's fine for this thread to be about you. One of the tragic things about deaths by suicide is that they often impact those involved, whether they knew the person or not, very deeply. Of course even more so for the family of the victim and those who work closely with these incidents. But your feeling are valid and understandable. Take time to process what has happened, be kind to yourself and seek support if you need to.

So sorry to hear, mindgoinground. You have suffered a trauma and it’s hard, but does ease. Some years back I saw a fatal small-plane crash from my back garden (living near an airport). For weeks I couldn’t get that moment to stop replaying over and over in my head, so constantly it got really frustrating. I talked to others who said the same thing. I think it’s a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. I still jump a bit if I abruptly spot a low plane, over ten years later. Talk to people about it (like here!). If it becomes a struggle, there is plenty of help from friends, professionals and websites. The Winston’s Wish website might have helpful advice about dealing with suicide, too.

Sorry to hear this happened and as others have said, don’t be afraid to work through your own emotions about it. Don’t know if you’d consider contacting Samaritans, but they would be there for you if you wanted to talk through it.

Breastfeedingworries - Are you saying you had 3 different people throw themselves under 3 different trains on one single journey? Really?

I was in traffic under a very high famous bridge I looked up and saw someone jump off. Pulled over as did some builders. I couldn’t stop crying. We called to police but they weren’t interested. Never forgotten the image of him falling

How awful for everyone involved, especially the driver.

My friend’s daughter was waiting for a train earlier this year and the man close to her on the platform jumped into the path of an incoming fast train. She’s been great about it, but what a horrendous thing to witness.

Sympathies with the driver

I think people think it's selfish @user1471514421 because of the impact it has on the driver and other people involved. Some drivers get ill themselves because they've essentially been forced to take someone else's life. That's not something you're ever going to forget.

Personally I think you can't really call someone that mentally ill selfish, because toy must be so deep in despair to make that choice that you're not behaving rationally.

I'm so sorry about your dad

‘Breastfeedingworries - Are you saying you had 3 different people throw themselves under 3 different trains on one single journey? Really?’

I wondered this too - and also that route is strange - why would you travel from Birmingham to Bristol, then change and go to Oxford or Cheltenham to then get to Chippenham? Look at a map, that makes no sense at all.

A teacher at my school killed himself in front of a train. I live in a wee town where the train whizzes through 10times daily i always find myself thinking about my teacher he must have been about the age i am now. Really sad hope your ok. Xx

We called to police but they weren’t interested

I find that impossible to believe. Someone called the police to report a person had jumped to their death off a bridge and they weren't interested? So in that case who dealt with it?

It is terrible thing, even if you don’t witness it directly and just see the aftermath. I’ve been on 3 different trains where this has happened and I was surprised at how awful I felt afterward, it’s such a tragic thing to do, that someone else felt they had no other option, and then for the people left afterward (family, train driver etc.) it’s an all round terrible situation

Redglitter I don’t know. It was 20 odd years ago I rang on the landline when I got home. The lady was totally not interested said the body would likely “turn up” depending on tides

I've been on a train when that happened back in 91 and I can still remember. The train was due in at 10p.m and I didn't get home till about 3am.The guard was having to radio through peoples phone numbers, there were no mobiles then.
I think its terrible that people think this is the best option for them. Anyones life can be turned around for the better.

OP please don’t minimise your own feelings in all of this. Although the driver has experienced an awful situation, you have also had to go through an experience that is truly awful.

Last year when getting the train home I had three occasions where we hit someone. First time it was a young lad and his bike, I was and still am upset as over this, it was never confirmed whether this was an accident or not but either way it is devastating, I can still hear the sound so clearly even now. A few months later we hit a car, this person survived as we were slowing into the station so it wasn’t quite as awful, the awfulness was the following week when they had come back to try again, only this time the train was direct and didn’t slow into the station. The sound, the fear, everything was awful that time I still panic when going through that station now.

I actually really struggled with getting the train after the third incident and have now found a new job nearer home.

We were given helplines to discuss what had happened as we got off the train if we were not coping with what had happened. After the third time I called as I just needed someone to talk too.

Be kind to yourself OP. It's ok to feel like this.

I get incredibly angry when I hear people say it's selfish. All I can think of, is the raw pain and agony someone must be in to feel that taking their own life is the only answer

user1471514421. It's a selfish way to kill yourself because effectively someone else is killing you against their choice and there is a lot of mess to clean up so involves a lot of people. My colleague's husband was a train driver and his best friend had to quit a job he loved after it happened to him.

Other methods you kill yourself and the body is intact and easier to deal with. But obviously that isn't someone's priority when they're in that state of mind.

I know someone who's son did this. By coincidence I was using the same station but for a later train with my dcs. The station ( very rural) was closed but we saw the body covered up and didn't realise who it was. I had been chatting to the son the previous week and felt terrible. I thought about if I could somehow of prevented it from happening.
I also knew someone who had to go and help remove the body parts, he said most workers stood throwing up at the sight of dismembered body parts.
I also have a friend whose husband was a train driver and was deeply affected when someone used his train to commit suicide. He was off work for a long time.
Then of course there are the poor victims families.

Oh OP it’s horrendous when this happens.

It’s happened to me twice. I used to live in the midlands whilst my now husband was living in London, every other week I would travel down to Euston. On 2 occasions just as we were speeding through Milton Keynes the train hit someone. The noise is haunting. It brings into focus how terribly some people are suffering and how awful they must have been feeling to think that death was the only option.

It’s so extremely upsetting that of course it’s still on your mind. It’s important you say it out loud, you are only human, you need to feel sad too.

All the best OP

A friend of a friend works in management for a train company - she is often called out to incidents like this, and often oversees incidents on the line like this. Obviously, she says, they are concerned for the victim's family, especially if it's suicide (and unpredicted) but in her management role, she has responsibility for driver welfare in the aftermath.

Very few drivers to whom this happens return to driving trains every again. Some struggle to drive at all, even on the roads. It is never their fault, trains take an age to stop - the actual 'incident' spot is often up to a mile behind where the train actually comes to a halt. But many drivers cannot ever unsee the events that they could do nothing to halt. They feel such guilt for something they could never have prevented unless they had the ability to see into the future. Some are only involved by a fluke because they took on someone else's shift to be courteous - but it ends their career, and often damages their mental health to a greater or lesser extent for a very long time.

And it's ok for you, OP, to be in shock after being involved. You don't have to be physically or directly hurt to be affected. Another friend was in one of the big UK train incidents of the last 30 years - not injured herself, although many, many more were killed and seriously injured - but mentally, because she got out with minimal minor injuries, she suffered from terrible survivor's guilt. The date was a huge 'down' day for several years afterwards, but she kept that private a because she didn't feel 'worthy' of her feelings (I guess today we'd call it PTSD?). Now, many many years later, the date is just 'acknowledged', and it doesn't have such an impact on her any more. But it's ok for you (and your son) to feel upset and confused about being a passenger on the train as you describe. Don't bottle it up if it's on your mind.

Sorry, that all turned into a bit of an essay.

Breastfeedingworries - Are you saying you had 3 different people throw themselves under 3 different trains on one single journey? Really?

Yeah I think that's what she's saying, but it's unlikely to be true.

OP I'm sorry, what a tragedy. I know I'd be in bits if I was on that train. Don't minimise how you feel, it's perfectly understandable to be shaken by this.

I think the reason why someone takes their one life in this way is because there's no backing out and you don't have to do the final act yourself, there's also no way you would be saved in the way that you could be with an OD.

I can hardly bear to think about the final moments of their life and the distress they were in.

Of course it is very distressing for the police and train driver to deal with, unfortunately both have to be trained to accept and deal with these eventualities. I couldn't have either as a career as I couldn't deal with this personally.

The same happened to me one New Year’s Eve. It stayed on my mind for a while, especially owing to the date. It’s ok to feel how you do.