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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take their dd home early?

315 replies

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:10

I've taken my little sister and 3 of her friends (all 11) away for a few days as a birthday present to my sister. We're 3 hours away.

One of the girls parents apparently made last minute plans to go away as a family on Sunday, we aren't due back until Monday evening.

I think the girl was supposed to come to my mums house, say why she couldn't come and then go home. But she was there when I arrived to pick them up, with her some of her stuff and didn't say anything so I brought her with us as planned.

I finished work early and the girls were all ready so we left earlier than we were going to, the parents of the girl text me once we had already left saying that she couldn't come. I was driving and my phone got passed back to my sister and her friends to play on and I didn't see the message until we had arrived.

I've now spoken to her parents and they've said they need their dd back home to take her away and that they can't come and collect her. This means me driving them home a day early, cutting the trip short for my sister and the rest of her friends and losing the money I've spent on the extra day. My mum has offered to look after their dd for the week they're away, the girl is happy for this to happen.

Obviously her parents are welcome to come and pick her up but I don't want to have to drive her home early as I'm not sure this is my fault.

WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
colditz · 24/05/2019 22:38

Don't engage in a row with them, simply bat it back. "Oh dear, let me know when you have someone available to collect her then"

This is THEIR problem. Don't let them make it yours.

HollowTalk · 24/05/2019 22:40

I think they're going to have a nice holiday without their daughter...

flumpybear · 24/05/2019 22:47

I'd message saying sorry I can't let the girls down and spoil their try away but feel free to come and collect your DD at any point just let me know so we can let you know where we are

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 24/05/2019 22:49

Ingenious ....but what a nightmare for you

BlessYourCottonSocks · 24/05/2019 22:51

colditz has it exactly right!

Perfect text. You've been good enough to take 4 girls away on an arranged holiday. If they want their daughter back a day earlier than previously arranged then they need to have her collected. It's absolutely unbelievable to imagine that you should make a 6 hour drive - with the added expense and hassle - to accommodate their daughter and themselves.

BigApple11 · 24/05/2019 22:53

Wow!

SD1978 · 24/05/2019 22:54

Their responsibility. I can not believe they sent her round (with stuff) to say she couldn't go- I reckon they planned this and assumed you'd come back early to accomodate- otherwise all that was needed was a message from the parents initially. Explains that you're terribly sorry but you will not be returning ing early and they have several days to come up with an arrangement to collect their daughter.

MyDcAreMarvel · 24/05/2019 22:55

Definitely don’t cut the holiday short.

stucknoue · 24/05/2019 22:55

Is there a single train line (no changes) an 11 year old can take a train alone (but navigating changing is harder)

nancy75 · 24/05/2019 22:56

They can’t fit in a 6 hour journey? What are they doing that is more important than their 11 year old daughter?
Can’t be bothered sounds more likely

DishingOutDone · 24/05/2019 23:00

Does nobody else think it is bloody rude of the parents to cancel a three day trip on the day of the trip? - this to me is the main issue, and sending the girl round? WTAF?!

I'm going to suggest another scenario here. They wanted their daughter to go, but they want her back early for their trip on Sunday so they let her go, then oh dear oh dear what a silly mistake never mind OP can just drive back.

Have they even apologised to you OP?

Ruru8thestars · 24/05/2019 23:00

Are you near a train station? I wouldn’t drive her back

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 24/05/2019 23:00

I think my sister and the rest of the friends were told and helped her to do this but this has been denied.

And you're rewarding this type of behaviour?
Don't complain when their behaviour backfires on you at some point.

SleepWarrior · 24/05/2019 23:01

They don't want to back down because it's much easier to label it as your error that you should put right.

It's between them and their daughter though - she deceived you and effectively ran away from home didn't she? If she'd got on a train across the country by herself then they'd come and get her for sure!

SD1978 · 24/05/2019 23:01

"I'm sorry- we don't have time to collect our daughter who basically ran away from home. Your responsibility to bring her back" erm no. You find a way to pick her up- as her parents, and she as a kid who has lied and basically ran away from home (albeit temporarily) as others have said- I'd maybe offer to drive half way- but at a time that suited me and didn't impact on any activities you had planned. This is really not your problem. The parents should have had the decency to call and apologise that they were pulling their kid out of a planned and paid for trip, not sent a kid round who really wanted to go on the day to do their dirty work for them!

BlueCornishPixie · 24/05/2019 23:07

This is entirely on them.

They were incredibly rude to just not tell you their DD wasn't coming, and leave it up to the DD on the day. What if you had bought things for their DD already? I don't know what the trip is but food, outing tickets etc. Taking 4 11yr olds away is quite a big thing, and I think it's really rude to just treat it as "oh she just wont go, it doesn't matter" thats pretty shitty anyway to both you and your DSis.

And I actually think it's quite a shitty thing to do to their DD, she would be looking forward to the trip and they've booked a holiday halfway through? Serves them right.

She's their DD, if they want her back before the agreed time they have to come collect her. Just say you will return her on Monday, and if they want her back before then they will have to collect her, if they wanted her to not go they should have told you.

Aldilogue · 24/05/2019 23:08

What a bizarre situation. That girl knew exactly what she was doing when she got in the car. Bit weird that the parents weren’t there or changed their mind or whatever.
To be honest, I’d be struggling to have her there because clearly she’s manipulative. If my daughter did something like that she’d get such a bollocking.
Just continue on with your plans which sound pretty fun, her parents can sort it out if they really wanted to. No time pppffftttt.

OrdinarySnowflake · 24/05/2019 23:08

Call back the parents tomorow morning, explain that you cant drive them back early without everyone else missing out, and thinking about it, you don't think it's fair everyone else is punished because their daughter was so badly behaved. What would they like to do about getting their DD back early, because you wont be bringing her back early. They can drive to get her, they just don't want to because it'll ruin their weekend. Taking her back early will ruin your weekend.

Keep repeating "I'm not prepared to ruin everyone else's trip because your daughter was so naughty. If you need your daughter back early, you can let me know when you want to collect her."

Alterntively, if you do think your sister and the others are in on it, I would cut short the trip, they all need to think about concequences of their actions.

Dandelion1993 · 24/05/2019 23:13

It should have been made clear to you and you've now been left in an awkward, unfair position.

Morally yes they should come to collect their child but, you're not a parent and the parents have not given you permission to take the child so could call the police.

I'd just take her home. It'll be less trouble than staying there.

recrudescence · 24/05/2019 23:15

Turn it into a fun activity. Hand the child over at a motorway services as if she’s being returned after being kidnapped. (Extra points if she’s blindfolded and you’re in disguise.) Spend the ransom money in Burger King with the other children.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 24/05/2019 23:20

I would tell the parents they have to fetch her and I cannot do the trip. Rude pricks.

I would also make the girl very well aware how unimpressed I am that she lied to me, and explain just how much trouble she has caused. Do that without the others around. If you believe they colluded, let them then handle it for a bit when she inevitably bursts into tears and they all feel guilty as hell, then park it to make the most of the trip.

GabsAlot · 24/05/2019 23:21

Why cancel so late though really inconsiderate if true

id try and meet them half way

Lllot5 · 24/05/2019 23:24

I think this is hilarious. You’ll be talking about this for years. I can imagine them all plotting and planning.
I mean fair play to them I wouldn’t have had the nerve Grin
They should come and get her tho.
Ha fancy stowing away.

Herefortheduration · 24/05/2019 23:28

I reckon they booked their holiday and started planning how they could trick you into bringing their daughter home a day early. She turned up with her stuff and they texted after you'd set off. Sounds very suspicious to me.

Lllot5 · 24/05/2019 23:33

Dying to know more about these girls I like the cut of their gib.
I mean obviously tell them off to their faces but you’ve got to admire their bare faced cheek.