To ask for money for wedding gift?

[RUOKHUN]

Okay so, a few threads on here slating asking money for wedding gift on the invites. I get this; sometimes it’s worded rudely etc.

So how would you word it on the invite? People will bring gifts regardless so isn’t easier to be direct about not wanting ‘stuff’? I was thinking about saying how we want people there so gifts aren’t necessary but if you feel the need then a little something towards our savings would be nice?

It would be great to get a mumsnet approved message!

Can't be terribly helpful because I have absolutely no problem giving money as a gift for a wedding....I don't understand the angst.
That being said, maybe don't write a poem.

Please don't use your wedding as an opportunity to ask your guests to give you money. Cringe!

I think asking for cash gifts or vouchers is fine. Recent wedding they said it was for travelling they are planning to do. I wouldn’t say about savings....

@Hollowvictory obviously we were planning on writing ‘we want your money’ on the invite 🙄

'a little something for our savings' is the same thing

@Bartelby it’s for a house if that makes a difference? Not just random savings.
Genuinely though we really just want people to come; it’s sort of just to stop people buying us things we don’t need, IYSWIM.

@HollowVictory and what would you suggest? As per my request on the OP?

I would have zero problem with an invite that said 'please don't bring gifts as we have everything we need but we would be grateful for any contributions to our honeymoon' or similar. To be honest, even if you miss off the second half I think people won't want to come empty handed so will probably give money!

Don't mention savings but saying there's no need to bring a gift but if you want to cash contributions that will be used towards the wedding is fine, or ask her John Lewis vouchers that can be used in Waitrose too.

☝🏽 Thank you! ♥️

I always give cash as a gift anyway, but I suppose I like it to be my decision rather than asked for it along with my invitation.

I know my mum doesn't like it because then she feels obliged to give more cash than the cost she would have spent on a gift. Especially when she says the bride and groom have more money than her but she does often have a point. She had a lunch in her parent's house after her wedding and now she has great nieces having 20k wedding and asking her for cash towards their honeymoon lol.

I have absolutely no problem with being asked for money in lieu of gifts. I actually prefer it because it’s so blissfully simple. And unlike others on MN I don’t see how it’s any more grabby than a gift list (don’t have a problem with those either tho).

We went to a wedding recently where the invitation said something like ‘no gifts are necessary, we’ll just be delighted to see you. If you do wish to give something, a contribution to our honeymoon fund would be hugely appreciated’. I thought that was very polite, and that only an arsehole would be annoyed to be deprived of the opportunity to inflict some hideous crockery on the couple instead. After the wedding we got a lovely thank you letter saying what honeymoon activity they had used our gift for and it was genuinely lovely to think that our gift had allowed a couple we love dearly to do something fun on their honeymoon.

Oh sorry I thought I thought I saw something about travelling. 'contributions to our new life together' seems fine. I'd always rather give money than a gift, it's so much easier!

I can’t remember the exact wording but my invites said something along the line of ‘if you were thinking of bringing a gift, a gift of cash would make our day’. You can find examples on the internet if that’s what you want to do. Most of our guests knew we were already living together and so didn’t need much for the house so were happy to give cash so we could buy something we did need.

For those that refused on principle to give cash or a gift card stating that they preferred to give a present, then I said thank you very much and accepted whatever was given.

We just put a little message in ours that said your presance would mean the world to us but if you insist we would like money as we are going to go see my brother in australia ( words to those effect), like its about how well your guests know you i think , im one of those people who have said we are paying for the wedding and i have said numerous times that we dont want anything but people want to give something so there we go , i dont think they want me to have a set of pans that i already have...i like it when people ask for cash or vouchers it saves me stressing over which china to buy

I always gift money for a wedding. Very rarely by something. I prefer gifting money it comes in use for the people and makes my life easier. Unless I’m asked specially to buy a certain thing.

We got married recently and didn’t write anything on invite about gifts and everyone bar one or two generously gave cash, dollars for the honeymoon or vouchers. No toasters in sight. I really don’t think you need to ask for anything as cash is sort of the default for weddings

I don't like being asked for money for a wedding. I don't like gift lists either though because some couple choose ridiculously expensive things!

At our wedding we said nothing on the invite about gifts and didn't include a list. Of course then loads of people asked what we wanted and we said we weren't expecting anything but if they wanted to give a gift then anything that they chose would be much appreciated whether it be an actual 'thing' or, if they preferred, a voucher for JL or Debenhams.

You might not want 'stuff' but a lot of older people seem uncomfortable giving money.

So if I were you I would say nothing and if you get stuff you really don't want, donate it.

It's difficult and generally I find it irritating to be asked for a contribution to the honeymoon, but I'd be happier if it were going towards a house. I guess you could phrase it as asking guests for a contribution to a house and let them know that £50 gets you 0.01% of your dream home. Do you not need any new towels, bedding, kitchen stuff etc that you could list for those who really don't want to give money?

I've already suggested not asking for money!

We didn't mention gifts on our invite at all. No gift list and no give-us-money poem.

Most people gave money but some gave gifts like photo frames, ornaments and champagne. Which was great as we are rubbish at buying nicknacks for our home but brilliant at drinking champagne.

I think most people are aware that people live together before getting married so a toaster and pots and pans aren't going to be terribly useful.

I do love a gift list myself, but I'm not bothered if someone wants to ask for money. A recent wedding we went to had a gift list so I went online to see what I could buy but all you could "buy" was varying amounts of monetary donations to the couple. I'd rather they just asked for money outright rather than dress it up as a gift list.

Another wedding invite included a poem about asking to share their day with them but if we must give a gift then they wanted money. Fair enough but we were only invited to the evening so hardly sharing their day. Maybe if you are going to ask for money consider the wording for different "tiers" of guest.

Don't write a poem, just be direct. I think most people accept that the majority of couples live together prior to their wedding and therefore don't need a toaster etc, and therefore are happy to give cash. At least our guests were.

I hate being asked just for money. I find it very rude.

If there’s a choice between money and a gift list, that’s fine, but just money makes me think the B&G are very grabby.

I'd prefer to give money. I haven't got time to sift thru bloody gifts trying to decide what the happy couple want! So much easier for guests and more beneficial for the couple!

Good grief don’t ask for a contribution to your savings! Asking for money is tacky anyway but it is marginally better when it is a contribution to something specific.

If you don’t want presents just say “no gifts please” and leave it at that. I’m sure lots of people will give you money anyway and you won’t have appeared tacky and grabby in the invitation.