To ask for money for wedding gift?

[RUOKHUN]

Okay so, a few threads on here slating asking money for wedding gift on the invites. I get this; sometimes it’s worded rudely etc.

So how would you word it on the invite? People will bring gifts regardless so isn’t easier to be direct about not wanting ‘stuff’? I was thinking about saying how we want people there so gifts aren’t necessary but if you feel the need then a little something towards our savings would be nice?

It would be great to get a mumsnet approved message!

So if someone told you what they wanted politely you’d actually change your mind to give them something else to make a point

How perverse. I’ll never understand why people would do this to their friends

It's one thing for a guest to ask the couple what they'd prefer, it's another for the couple to expect anything at all from the guest, let alone ask for money. I have never once received a wedding invite with any reference to gifts - not even a gift list included - as my family/friends wouldn't have had any expectations. So I've never had to make that point anyway

@proseccoandbooks it's the same where I am. No one asks for money it's just the tradition and makes life a whole lot easier.

We actually got married in the UK (My home) and didn't ask for presents or money. If anyone wanted to know I think they might have asked my parents as they were hosting bit mainly we got money from family and some lovely unique presents from friends.

I would have been happy with them just being at the wedding and the photographs of the day to be honest! It was more about us finally getting married after 7 years together 😂

it's another for the couple to expect anything at all from the guest, let alone ask for money.

As stated upthread the vast majority of these requests are presented as ‘don’t feel you have to bring a gift but if you would like to a contribution to x would be appreciated’

So no expectation. The reason why guidance is given is because lots of people (believe it or not ) do want to give something the couple will enjoy.

Obviously if someone states ‘please give money’ that’s a different matter.

We found a happy medium for our wedding - we had lived together for years but as previous posters have said, you can anyways do with some nice "stuff" so we said we weren't expecting presents but if people did want to buy anything we did a gift list with:

A) some ideas of "stuff" but not asking for a specific one so people could choose
B) some specific experiences/things (e.g a meal at X restaurant on our honeymoon / couples massage) but the gift list provider we used just sent us cash for those. We still made sure we did them though and added a photo to the thank you card.. this worked better as you could put reasonable prices next to the "things"

Don't say anything about gifts or money. It does come across as you are expecting them regardless of the wording.

I think the people that want to give a gift would ignore your message for money instead anyway.

I always give money and have no issues with it as that's what I would prefer to receive. I know that often older people don't like giving money as it just wasn't the done thing back then and they probably think it's quite thoughtless.