To ask for money for wedding gift?

[RUOKHUN]

Okay so, a few threads on here slating asking money for wedding gift on the invites. I get this; sometimes it’s worded rudely etc.

So how would you word it on the invite? People will bring gifts regardless so isn’t easier to be direct about not wanting ‘stuff’? I was thinking about saying how we want people there so gifts aren’t necessary but if you feel the need then a little something towards our savings would be nice?

It would be great to get a mumsnet approved message!

I think it's totally fine to just say that you don't have a gift list, but if people would like to give something then either a gift towards x (a house, big holiday, whatever) or a donation to a charity you have selected. I am totally not at all offended when people say they prefer cash. It's much easier and we all have too much junk. My dh and I got married just out of uni/postgrad so we truly didn't have anything (as I had to sell/give away most of my stuff to move when we got married), so we did have a gift list. But most people have lived together and really don't need another set of pots or a more tea mugs. No one has to give anything, so really no one should be getting uptight about a request to not have more things.

Just want to add that some here are talking about it like if randoms on a street were stuffing invites asking for money into their hands.
If you go to a wedding it's your friends or family there... So why not be kind and give cash instead of candle holder🤷‍♀️

I went to a wedding where the grooms were 38 years old and extremely affluent - country house and city flat, both had a Range Rover, 2 horses etc...asked for money in their invitation as they already had everything they needed. Was unbelievable cheeky fuckery IMO

There’s no need to actually ask for cash!

Well no one is putting ‘please bring money’ on the invite.

It’s usually positioned as ‘no gifts necessary but if you want to give something a contribution to x would be appreciated’.

Because believe it or not, lots of people invited to weddings do want to give their friends a present.

Lord knows I've forked out enough so far after getting yet another one of these fucking poems through the door. I make rent by myself, no double income, no one who gives a shit if I'm sick, no kids....and yet I owe YOU?!

Wow, sorry you’ve been forced to attend so many weddings at gunpoint.

Alternatively - get a grip! You don’t have to go to weddings and if you do you don’t have to give anything, but for those of us who actually love our friends and family and want to share special celebrations with them, the option to give a present or some money is there.

On mumsnet people act as though they actively despise the people whose weddings they attend. If that’s the case and you genuinely think they’re cheeky, grabby arseholes, why are you going to their wedding?! And don’t you think YOU’RE a bit cheeky for putting the couple to the expense of hosting you when you secretly hate them?

To those saying just don't ask for anything, that's great except most people actually want to give something, so then you're likely to end up with everybody having to ask what you want. And then what do you say if there's nothing you actually need?

Don't ask for anything and accept any gifts graciously. Most people will give money anyway and if you get anything you really don't like you can put into a charity shop.
It's honestly horrible asking for money 🤮

We didn't even mention it on the invite, it's crass and classless. We got some presents, but mostly money/vouchers.

Well no one is putting ‘please bring money’ on the invite

It’s usually positioned as ‘no gifts necessary but if you want to give something a contribution to x would be appreciated

They may as well be putting 'please bring money' no matter what way it's worded. We always give money but if someone stipulated that they wanted money (in whatever polite way they think), it would actually put me off and I'd be sorely tempted to give a photo frame.

@DisappearingGirl we had no gift list, I can't remember anyone asking what we wanted. The vast majority of people gave us cash or vouchers and some older guests bought us some gifts. What we didn't like or use we have to charity after thanking them. There really was only a few things we gave away (2 of the same photo frame and some glasses that weren't to my taste).
We were also given some towels, cushions, a slate serving tray, fancy shot glasses and some photo frames that I liked and kept. Plus a few thousand pounds in money/vouchers.

I personally didn't ask for money . I hate asking anyone for money so it didn't sit well with us. But we don't mind giving money as a gift if it's asked on an invitation..just avoid a cringy poem.
We wrote on our wedding website something along the lines of 'after 12 years together, a house and our DD , we already have everything we need, so on the day we'll require just your presence not presents. Eat drink and dance ..' People did gift us money and $ for our honeymoon but I was fine with that because they've done it off their own backs and not because they've felt the need to. We also had some lovely bottles of fizz and some handmade gifts which were really thoughtful.

I have had genuine joy in giving a gift only a few times, and all were honeymoon cash experiences. And yup - I asked for cash for honeymoon, and had the time of my bloody life. Personally thanked givers in detail for what they gave me. Nothing could have been better.

I actually got weirdly emotional about the generous gift from my auntie which covered the hire car I drove around for 3 weeks - she didn't buy me something naff engraved with our wedding date, or some carbuncle for a charity shop or a kitchen appliance we didn't need another of. She bought me part of an experience so wonderful I cried when I left, and took a while 'getting over' it being done.

I don't like gift lists or asking for money. To me you don't ask for anything or list what you want which is a form of asking in my opinion.
We didn't have anything like that. Some people did ask what we'd like and we just said "your company on the day and hopefully for you to enjoy yourselves is the only thing we would like".

*Personally, I think asking for money in any way is crass.

It's basically saying to guests, I don't want a gift from you, I want your money instead.

Asking for a financial contribution towards the wedding is especially naff, as the wedding would/should have already been paid for. Likewise, with the honeymoon.

Why do you think a wedding guest should help top up your savings?

I would stipulate no gifts and just hope your guests give you money but if they don't then don't be disappointed as it's their choice what to spend they money on.*

This, exactly, so very well put.

I never wrote a word about gifts on the wedding invites. On the day I mainly got given cash inside cards. I did get the odd non-cash gift - a photo frame, a set of tea towels - and I was equally grateful.

You may not know the financial circumstances of your guests and how much they might already be paying simply to attend (transport, accommodation, a new dress etc) and by asking for a cash donation you might put them in an awkward position if they can't afford an "acceptable" sum.

I think leave your wedding cards as they are, OP, without any mention of gifts.

We got married last year. We've lived together for 12 years so no one bothered with toasters or crockery.

All guests gave cash except for 2 people. One was an older lady who was like a 2nd mam to me growing up. She bought us a beautiful silver wedding album and filled it with photos. And the second were some friends of dhs who I think recycled a couple of their own wedding gifts which was a month before ours.

A few people (family) rang and asked if we wanted anything in particular but I said that we had everything we needed, but we did want a holiday later in the year as a delayed honeymoon and they were absolutely fine (and a bit relieved I think) with cash in a card.

I got married a few years ago and 95% of guests gave cash anyway. I wouldn’t embarrass myself by asking for cash TBH, I think it’s really cringeworthy

I've never understood the idea that because you've set up home together already you don't 'need anything'

I've been married for 16 years and there's still stuff I need! I always seem to need good wine glasses, new plates and slightly-nicer-than Asda towels!
We didn't say anything about gifts at our wedding. We got some amazing stuff that we still use from designer teapots to original artwork. We genuinely didn't get a toaster or tacky 'stuff'. My mum arranged for a few family members to club together and buy us a beautiful wrought iron bedstead. When I see these things in my house I still remember the people who gave them to us. Some of them are no longer with us.

When my friend got married, she genuinely wanted nothing. She said in her invited that if people insisted they should donate to the British Heart Foundation in her daughters name and included a link. Everyone donated happily and she was more than happy.

Anyway, I digress. Personally I hate giving money because it looks stingy to me. I feel embarrassed putting the 30-50 quid I might have spent in an envelope. However I have done it and not moaned in RL.

I think if you're going to ask just say something brief like - "We are honoured to have you share our wedding day and wish for nothing more. However if you feel you want give a little something then a gift of money would be very appreciated"

I dunno. There's no way to ask without irritating someone. I would just go for it and it will be fine.

Anyway, that's beside the point.

Some people don’t like giving cash. I used the service below so people felt like they were actually contributing to specific things for our honeymoon (meals out, a bottle of champagne, night in a hotel, flights, boat trips etc). In reality the cash gets paid into your bank account so you can do what you like with it. But it’s far nicer than just asking for cash...

patchworkit.com/

Eugh, so rude. Why do you think it's okay to ask your wedding guests to pay for your house?

But it's okay to ask wedding guests to pay for stuff to put in your house?

Doesn't make much sense to me.

we had no gift list, I can't remember anyone asking what we wanted. The vast majority of people gave us cash or vouchers and some older guests bought us some gifts

Ah that's interesting. Maybe that's the way to go then. It just seems like getting hundreds of pounds worth of stuff you don't need would be a waste for everyone. But maybe that's not what happens these days!

if someone stipulated that they wanted money (in whatever polite way they think), it would actually put me off and I'd be sorely tempted to give a photo frame.

So if someone told you what they wanted politely you’d actually change your mind to give them something else to make a point.

How perverse. I’ll never understand why people would do this to their friends. But 🤷‍♀️

I don't understand how asking for physical presents is totally fine, but asking for cash is rude. I think both are equally rude/not rude.

I personally would mention anything about gifts or cash. If asked then I'd say something about wanting money. I've only ever received invitations that has asked for money. Don't make it into a poem, just say how you already have everything and would prefer a monetary contribution to your life together etc.

Another vote for don't ask for anything and the majority of people will give you money anyway. Those who can't afford to give money may give you a token present like a photo frame. If you really don't want to keep token gifts then you can pass them on to charity shops.

It's your wedding, if you want money for a honeymoon, or to purchase some bits and pieces of your own choosing, ask for money! If people are offended and won't come fair enough, that's one less person to buy dinner and drinks for.