To ask for money for wedding gift?

[RUOKHUN]

Okay so, a few threads on here slating asking money for wedding gift on the invites. I get this; sometimes it’s worded rudely etc.

So how would you word it on the invite? People will bring gifts regardless so isn’t easier to be direct about not wanting ‘stuff’? I was thinking about saying how we want people there so gifts aren’t necessary but if you feel the need then a little something towards our savings would be nice?

It would be great to get a mumsnet approved message!

"show me the money muthafuckaaaaas"

Honestly, as a single person, when do I get to "tastefully" ask my nearest and dearest for "a little something" towards my savings??

Lord knows I've forked out enough so far after getting yet another one of these fucking poems through the door. I make rent by myself, no double income, no one who gives a shit if I'm sick, no kids....and yet I owe YOU?!

i'm just SAYIN'...what more could you possibly want?!

This is always very polarising. For me, giving & receiving money/vouchers for gifts is less stressful as I hate unnecessary 'stuff'. MIL on the other hand hates it because she's quite materialistic & prefers giving piles of 'stuff'.

We got a wedding invitation yesterday which said along the lines of 'no gifts necessary as we have everything but we'd appreciate a contribution towards the honeymoon'

More than happy to give money for that & now we just need to decide how much.

I have no issue with vouchers/money requests. It takes thinking too hard away, the same way a gift list does.

When my best friend married a couple of years ago they already had been living together for a couple of years (renting) and had their first child. Their invites said something about not wanting gifts as they lived together and had their dc, and then something about not having bricks and morter so a contribution to their deposit would be greatly appreciated if people insisted.
She told me after the wedding, all the really wanted was the cards and she is a big fan of scrap booking and collaging, so just wanted the cards to create a wedding day frame with a photo of them and everyone's card message around it (it looks lovely and is so individual)

” I think most people accept that the majority of couples live together prior to their wedding........and therefore are happy to give cash. At least our guests were.”

How do you know? We give cash if that’s what the B&G have specifically requested. Doesn’t mean we’re remotely happy about it! We just don’t say anything.

We were silent on gifts. Those who wanted to anyway mainly gave us money. A few insisted and asked for some ideas and we just mentioned a few things we might like.

Eugh, so rude. Why do you think it's okay to ask your wedding guests to pay for your house?

Just don't mention anything about money or gifts on the invitation. It's very simple!

@livefornaps

There's an episode of Sex & the City along those very lines, Carrie registers for a pair of Manolo Blahniks (sic) from her friend - great episode!

Personally, I think asking for money in any way is crass.

It's basically saying to guests, I don't want a gift from you, I want your money instead.

Asking for a financial contribution towards the wedding is especially naff, as the wedding would/should have already been paid for. Likewise, with the honeymoon.

Why do you think a wedding guest should help top up your savings?

I would stipulate no gifts and just hope your guests give you money but if they don't then don't be disappointed as it's their choice what to spend they money on.

There's no nice way to ask for money. Just say nothing and you might get some anyway and that's a bonus. You really shouldn't expect money!

The etiquette is not to mention gifts on the invite at all. Just a discreet gift list available if asked for. Mentioning you want money on an invite is grasping and sounds like payment to attend.

I'd be a little at being asked for cash for a house deposit after the couple have just spent thousands on a wedding.

See what I mean. Huge differing opinions. And obviously some mumsnetters who have woken up on the wrong side of bed.

No need to be so eggy, it’s only 08.15 in the morning!

Anyways, thanks for replying. 😊

This thread shows what a polarised thing asking for money is.

Which is why you shouldn’t do to, unless you want half your wedding guests to think you’re rude.

I’ve decided we’ll ask for £50ph entrance to the ceremony £100ph, that way we’ll make all the money we clearly want and if they don’t want to pay it, they can watch on Facebook live 😂

I’m obviously joking. Need to put that out there now because someone will come at me, i’m sure.

I think I agree and will forgo mentioning gifts. The people coming to our ceremony know us well enough to text or call if they really wanna give anything.

I just didn’t mention it on the invites. Getting married later this year. A few people have asked and when I said we really didn’t need anything have suggested vouchers or money which is really kind of them and I feel more comfortable with it.
Personally I dislike both gift lists or money requests, makes the whole thing far more transitional than I like.

Nobody's woken up on the wrong side of bed, just because they think asking for money is tacky and inappropriate. People are allowed to have a different opinion from you about asking guests for cash.

For my wedding we didn’t mention gifts in the invite, it was a very small wedding and only close family etc. Friends bought us lovely gifts, family gave cheques. We are now getting divorced and I still feel guilty about how much people spent!

Why can't you just wait to be asked? I think putting what you want in an invitation is a bit crap

@Hollowvictory, knew you’d pipe up. I’m just saying, we’re not money grabbing. I was asking for advice which I got and will follow.

Just seems like you have an attitude 🤷🏽‍♀️

I can understand it, but hate it when money is wanted. The angst i have over how much to give is ridiculous and I ALWAYS end up giving more than i would spend on a gift.
About ten years ago we went to a wedding and the jnvite simply said 'no gifts please, no envelopes of money nor vouchers, sling a couple of quid in the wishing well if you must '
Now that was great. No names attached to who gave how much and at the end of the night their well (naff, i agree) was full of money, people only giving what they could afford.

Yes I do. An attitude that you shouldn't scrounge cash off your guests. You're right. I guess of you don't have a home you don't want too much 'stuff' though

Oohhhh, where did my paragraphs go?

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@RUOKHUN just goes to show you can't please everyone so may as well please yourself. You will get some who are glad you have been direct and asked for money, and others who are deeply offended. At the end of the day no one has to give anything they don't want to.

If you do ask for money on your invite I would hope that, considering you are close enough to your guests to invite them to your wedding, no one is going to hold it against you forever

Lol, no one has an “attitude”. It’s just that a lot of people don’t like being ask money for a wedding gift. I personally find it crass. However, some people don’t mind. If you do decide to go ahead and request money now you know at least half of your guests will think the same.

We didn't say anything on the invited about money or gifts and 75 percent bought money and the rest got us spirits/wine and we also now are the proud owners of a cupboard full of Mr and Mrs mugs! The older people commented they didn't like no gift list but the younger people said they preferred it to the usual poems saying we like you company but if you fancy give us some money.