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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tell me your stories of finding out sex at birth!

141 replies

TheLetterOfTheLawTheLetter · 23/05/2019 21:47

First, I know this isn't a big deal. I know everyone is ultimately happy with their choice (to find out or not). Its just I need some motivation to not find our for dc2, having turned down one opportunity already! I'm very impatient and usually cant wait for anything, certainly didn't for dc1.

I'm wondering if I do wait then, if the birth is anything like the last (very fast, intense), I wont give a damn, and wish I'd have found it under more calm circumstances!

I'm basically looking for someone to tell me their not finding out experience was lovely, and give me motivation to hold out.

Sorry, this is not exactly a problem I know! I'll be incredibly lucky to have a healthy baby. I'm just curious to heart what others thought of the whole surprise thing!

OP posts:

eyesbiggerthanstomach · 24/05/2019 00:01

I didn't find out beforehand with mine. I thought it was a girl (didn't mind either way) but when I found out it was a boy it was euphoric. It was so beautiful and I will never have that feeling again. That is the main thing I remember about the birth process and it took over everything else.

Lotts123 · 24/05/2019 00:11

We decided not to find out - which surprised everyone as I do love to plan. All the way through everyone had theories, (my family even did a sweepstake) at my 12 week scan I really felt like I was having a boy but whenever I had the heartbeat checked by MW it was always high which would suggest a girl. I ended up having a planned C section (Breech), so we went into theatre knowing we would be leaving with baby, even the surgeon was guessing as they were prepping me. Once baby was born they didn’t even tell us the sex, just held her up over the sheet and showed us. I just kept saying “I can’t believe it’s a Girl” (although I think I would have been equally surprised if she had been a boy - not sure how that works!?). I’m so glad we didn’t find out, and I’d recommend waiting for the birth to anyone!

Strugglingtodomybest · 24/05/2019 00:25

We didn't find out for either. I was shit scared of giving birth and wanted the surprise to look forward.

My MIL was very very superstitious too and I think she'd have had a heart attack if we had found out, named him and started preparing too much in advance. (And as I really liked my MIL I wouldn't have done this to her).

GrandTheftWalrus · 24/05/2019 01:12

DP told me we had a girl. We hadn't found out and it was lovely.

However he had a surprise with his ex wife and then told me a surprise is nice as dd was my first so I didnt find out.

But next one we are finding out as we've both had a surprise and would like to find out.

We were actually saying that when I was in labour and the midwife was giving us funny looks

Aquamarine1029 · 24/05/2019 01:31

My first we found out it was a boy. Our second, they weren't able to see because a leg was in the way. I was absolutely positive it was another boy. I was wrong and we had a gorgeous baby girl. It was a lovely day!

ScreamScreamIceCream · 24/05/2019 02:11

I didn't find out with mine. So had all the medical staff guessing.

In regards to clothes - DD only got more pink clothes sized 3 months and up as they were hand me downs from a friend. Before that she wore any colour. Due to growing very quickly from 8 weeks she hardly wore the clothes given and brought for her sized 3-12 months. She is now in clothes for 12-18 months olds, and as boys clothes are generally longer she is back wearing more clothes targeted at boys.

GrandTheftWalrus · 24/05/2019 02:26

I will be finding out next time as I have a fuck ton of baby girl and toddler girl stuff and it would be easier to know if I'm going to use it or not.

notyourmummy · 24/05/2019 06:31

DC1 was identified as a (tiny) girl at 20wk scan, named and talked to as such and this was confirmed at 3 other scans...born at 41wks was my not particularly small Laddo!! With DC2 I didn't bother finding out, until she was lifted clear as she was born and I could see who she was I wouldn't find out again.

Original poster

TheLetterOfTheLawTheLetter · 24/05/2019 06:41

I loved reading all of these stories!

I'm convinced, I'm not finding out until he or she is born (all I and not we, as DH will be happy with either!)

OP posts:

Normandy144 · 24/05/2019 06:42

We didn't find out with either. Loved the anticipation and guessing. Both ended up in emergency c sections and we asked that they let DH tell me the sex. I'll never forget those few seconds between them pulling baby out, holding it up and then DH telling me we had a girl (both times). It was such a super charged moment, made all the better that we then got to meet our daughter there and then. I never wanted to find out because i just couldn't see how finding out in a sonographers room would be very special. Obviously it would be great news but then you have to wait ages to meet them and i just don't get it.

UAEMum · 24/05/2019 06:45

With my first DC they told me numerous times (I had lots of scans) that it was a girl. I packed a hospital bag full of pink babygros, painted the nursery pink etc. Lo and behold we got a big bouncing baby boy who is now 19. Luckily I hadn't taken the labels off all the cute (expensive) pink outfits lol

FuckBrussel · 24/05/2019 07:02

I didn't know with either of mine; it was purely a personal thing. I had DS first, and when I was expecting DD we were both absolutely convinced it was going to be another boy. There was a bit of drama at the end of her birth (cord round neck etc), so we were so relieved she was safely here we forgot about the sex...The midwife said to DH, "Tell her what she's got, then!"

And I can still hear him saying, "It's - it's not a boy!"

Ah, that'll be a girl then....

SoupDragon · 24/05/2019 07:03

it was much more exciting for everyone concerned to-have the surprise and I just don’t really get why anyone would want to spoil that. Each to their own.

It doesn't spoil anything! 🤦🏻‍♀️

SoupDragon · 24/05/2019 07:05

I do find it quite depressing that people think finding out the sex at birth somehow makes meeting your baby more magical. You're meeting the tiny human you've created for the very first time - nothing could make it more magical unless it turned out to be a tiny unicorn.

Mumofone1593 · 24/05/2019 07:13

Apparently it makes pushing easier... I knew the sex and only had to push twice so don't really get the logic. Have been told that on lots of occasions and I just bite my tongue! I have a lot of women say how excited it makes midwives as it's so rare not to know but out of 20 people in my baby group I'm the only one that found out, and the midwife told me hardly anyone finds out anymore and she found out with hers... If you don't want to know then don't find out but I'd recommend buying a boy and girl outfit as my friend really hated weeks of white onesies as she didn't go out and didn't know the sex.

Mumofone1593 · 24/05/2019 07:24

@TiredSloth so true! I find it hilarious when people say if you know then there's no point! I have heard it off 3 different mums in real life that I can remember!! We don't just not push becuase we know the sex! I know a girl who was disappointed when she saw her son for the first time as was sure she was having a daughter! My first thought was pure love and not 'what is it', definitely not a spoiled Christmas to push a child out and hold him for the first time!

Omzlas · 24/05/2019 07:31

We didn't find out either time, DH told me the sexes both times and it was absolutely the best thing for me. The main thing that kept me going through labours to be honest.
Plus, the sound of DH breaking down into tears with emotion, then him going to call all the parents to deliver the news.... I wish I could bottle that, it was amazing

Most people seemed genuinely surprised that we didn't want to find out, some didn't believe me and thought we knew but weren't telling. And totally agree with PP - it's like opening your presents before Christmas, for me at least!

SoupDragon · 24/05/2019 07:32

Apparently it makes pushing easier.

😂 that's utterly bonkers.

Katinkak8 · 24/05/2019 07:35

We had two surprises (boths DDs) and I wouldn't change a thing. The fact that my DH was the first person to know their sex and tell me was just amazing.
I also think there is a bit of a reversal of the trend to find out at the moment. Recently, a lot of people I know have waited.

WhyisntMusicManacareeroption · 24/05/2019 07:45

I knew both times, and cried both times. It really helped my husband to imagine this bump as a real person.

implantsandaDyson · 24/05/2019 08:00

I didn't know with any of my three. It wasn't a conscious decision, I just thought nobody found out . With my third we talked about having a private scan to find out, I really wanted to but we always had other things to spend the money on and then time went so quickly and thought we'd wait.
I would have liked to have known tbh, I'm not sure why but looking back I would have found out. I couldn't tell you who told me with my first two at the birth whether they were a boy or girl. I know the midwife told us with my third.

mehimthem · 24/05/2019 08:02

We have 3 boys & in the days that I had them all, scans to tell us their sex were only just starting. No #1 son arrives all great, exciting. In the meantime, I split from his dad & remarry, get on with expecting #2 & feel completely different all through this pregnancy. Absolutely certain this will have to be a little girl, but out pops #2 boy. 😶
Then #3 boy was sadly a late miscarriage at 26 weeks, then #4 another wee boy.
Each of these last 3 boys, same dad, felt very similar to each other & I didn't need scans to tell me what they were 🙂

littlestrawby · 24/05/2019 08:04

My labour was long and challenging and ended in a birth pool full of blood after a third degree tear. It was quite traumatic for both of us (I was completely out of it with blood loss and my husband was petrified) and so I think had we not already found out the sex it would have been a complete non event at the birth. As it was, we'd had a special lovely moment at our gender scan and had so much excitement telling our family and friends, so it worked out really well for us to find out in advance. Each to their own.

blondebob · 24/05/2019 08:13

We waited until the birth for all 3! Two boys & then a girl, a lovely surprise with all 3, and exciting to tell family at the end, would definitely recommend

mogtheexcellent · 24/05/2019 08:15

DH: its a boy!!!!!

SURGEON (DOUR SCOTSMAN): actually its a girl...

ME: ????

ANAESTHETIST GOES OFF TO DOUBLE CHECK FOR ME : yep its a girl.

DH had one job to do and failed miserably. Fortunately i have a sense of humour

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