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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tell me your stories of finding out sex at birth!

141 replies

TheLetterOfTheLawTheLetter · 23/05/2019 21:47

First, I know this isn't a big deal. I know everyone is ultimately happy with their choice (to find out or not). Its just I need some motivation to not find our for dc2, having turned down one opportunity already! I'm very impatient and usually cant wait for anything, certainly didn't for dc1.

I'm wondering if I do wait then, if the birth is anything like the last (very fast, intense), I wont give a damn, and wish I'd have found it under more calm circumstances!

I'm basically looking for someone to tell me their not finding out experience was lovely, and give me motivation to hold out.

Sorry, this is not exactly a problem I know! I'll be incredibly lucky to have a healthy baby. I'm just curious to heart what others thought of the whole surprise thing!

OP posts:

tor8181 · 23/05/2019 22:14

with my first i didnt find out and when he did came(16 days over 4 day labour)when we found out he was a boy we were all over the moon as he was the first boy in 72 years,6 years later we had another boy but i knew what sex he was as i had to have 4d scan

RandomMess · 23/05/2019 22:15

I found out with DC1 then not for the others partly because I wanted a certain sex but knew after the work of delivering I wouldn't care anywhere near as much if at all.

I also ended up very overdue and therefore induced every time - had my date in the induction book early on with DC3 & 4 so it was really lovely to have a surprise to look forward to

itscallednickingbentcoppers · 23/05/2019 22:15

'Someone once said to me that discovering the sex at a scan is like opening your Christmas presents early. It just spoils the surprise!'

What a complete load of shite. This is a living child we are talking about, not a pair of hair straighteners. Just find out if you want to OP.

LynetteScavo · 23/05/2019 22:16

I didn't find out with first two, found out with 3rd (I didn't mean to - I asked the sonographer if she could tell and she said "its a girl" - I didn't t actually want to know!!!) I didn't tell anyone, even DS1 who really wanted a sister.

I'm an impatient person who likes to know things NOW so I've no idea why I didn't want to know.

DappledThings · 23/05/2019 22:17

Oh and with DC1 we knew we definitely didn't want to find out. With DC2 we weren't sure and were in waiting room for anomaly scan still undecided. Tossed a coin and it came down on side of finding out but we decided not to. The coin toss saying "Find out" was what helped us decided we definitely didn't want to know!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/05/2019 22:19

I didn’t find out for either baby. I was surprised with DS2 but pleased.

BuntyCollocks · 23/05/2019 22:19

Where I am, more people DON’T find out now than do. The trend is swinging the other way. Do what you want to, OP. I was desperate to know with both of mine and I’m so glad I did. Equally, my DSIL waited. We’re both happy with our choices. Didn’t take away from any happiness either way.

Ionacat · 23/05/2019 22:19

I found out with my first but couldn’t tell with my second and then enjoyed the surprise so didn’t ask at other scans. Had a planned section and they scanned me that morning to check the position and the consultant was really careful not to give it away and in theatre I vividly remember them saying it’s a girl and she’s got your colouring. (Everyone bar my husband and BiL thought I was having a boy!)

Stroan · 23/05/2019 22:21

With DD, we didn't find out. I was completely convinced I was having a boy so DH telling me it was a girl was a surreal but very lovely surprise. I loved not knowing, it didn't affect anything we did or bought anyway. I felt really attached to the baby without any need to know.

I'm pregnant now and it had been so different and SO rough that we found out the sex a few weeks ago. I didn't feel in any way bonded or even interested and was very low. The wait for perinatal mental health support is long and I was ready to try anything. I'm having a boy and do feel a little better because I can visualise certain things about what's to come.

katmarie · 23/05/2019 22:21

Didn't find out with ds, and not knowing got me through the last couple of hours of labour after a very long 4 days of contractions. 19+1 with baby number 2 and we're having a surprise for this one too :) everyone wants a girl apparently since we already have a boy, but I don't really care what we get, I'm more bothered that its healthy.

Chocolatecake12 · 23/05/2019 22:22

It wasn’t just the births for me that were special because that’s when I found out but the build up to finding out. I loved how people would guess the sex just from the shape of my bump or the way I was walking and my mums friend who lives abroad but was visiting during my pregnancy said I was having a boy because I was wearing blue
I had two boys and dont regret not finding out at all and would do the same again!!

21seconds · 23/05/2019 22:22

I didn’t find out for dc1 I thought I had a hunch she was a boy and turns out she was a girl. Had even bought a steriotypically boyish few things which she wore any way as we were cool with that and a bit anti pink. She was a home birth and born with me standing up, the midwife caught her and lifted her through my legs as a crouched down, my partner saw first and told me we had a girl. It was a wonderful moment and I laughed as we had better name choices for girls. For my second I chose to find out, more out of curiosity snd also as I wanted to get to know my baby more on that journey. I am glad I did and whilst I don’t regret the surprise with my first I loved it if we were to have a third I would want to know again. But tbh nothing beats that moment of meeting no matter knowing or not. Congratulations

ElizaPancakes · 23/05/2019 22:24

I found out with all of mine. First time because high risk pregnancy second time because I wanted to be prepared.

I also don’t really like surprises tbh.

JaniceBattersby · 23/05/2019 22:24

I have four boys and didn’t find out with any of them. When my fourth was born, the first words out of my mouth were “bloody hell, not another one”

I didn’t quite mean it like it came out. I quite like him now

Not finding out helped me to get through those last few weeks of pregnancy. I was so excited about what it was going to be.

cochineal7 · 23/05/2019 22:26

We also waited until birth for both. Either way, you only get one moment of surprise, but somehow it felt it would be more of a treat after giving birth than after a scan. Don’t regret for a moment not knowing earlier. DC1 was an emcs, and saw clearly when pulled out and held above that little cloth screen. DC2 VBAC and in all happiness and exhaustion I actually forgot to look- I had a first cuddle before I even thought to check.

SoupDragon · 23/05/2019 22:27

I didn't find it til th birth with DS1, found out by accident a week before with DS2 and choice to find it at 20 weeks with DD. None were more or less magical, special, surprising or exciting than the others.

nolassie · 23/05/2019 22:28

I found out with both mine - 1st because he was a complete shock as we’d been told DH was infertile, 2nd because I wanted to show how my maternal instincts were spot on; I was completely convinced I was having a girl. Cue being shown very graphically she was a he. I’m glad I found out then or I really would’ve struggled I think giving birth to the ‘wrong’ baby! If I didn’t have strong feelings though I’d have loved to find out in the delivery room.

HotChocolateLover · 23/05/2019 22:29

Wowzers, it was amazing. I only have one child but hearing the words ‘it’s a boy’ were just out of this world. Suddenly he stopped being a bump and became a person. I will literally never forget that moment.

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/05/2019 22:31

When I had my DD 21 years ago, it was hospital policy not to reveal sex. This was (I was told) due to the high number of abortions of female babies which was a cultural issue. I was admittedly disappointed as I really wanted to be able to prepare as I was on a small budget for buying baby things. I was absolutely convinced I was having a boy, absolutely convinced. I didn't even consider girl names. I bought boy clothes. I must have been on another planet at the time! I was so utterly shocked when they said I'd had a girl that I actually argued said it can't be a girl I have boy clothes and he's called Samuel . I'll blame the drugs.

Found myself pregnant again after a 13 year gap, I did want to know. To be honest it was very obvious on the scan even to my untrained eye! DS is now 8. I really wanted to be able to prepare and I knew he was my last baby as I was 42 so it seemed sensible. Ex-h wanted to know too so it was a joint decision. I don't regret it, the only thing we misjudged with buying clothes was that all the newborn stuff lasted about two weeks as he was huge!

puppylovebaby · 23/05/2019 22:31

DD is First girl in DH family for 98 yrs. didn't find out the sex and was totally shocked and delighted when she was born.
I though DS was definitely a girl and had equally lovely surprise. Born in water I remember scooping him up and feeling 'something' on my forearm...dangly boy bits!!
I was thrilled

LilFGS · 23/05/2019 22:31

Isn’t it a surprise whenever you find out?

SoupDragon · 23/05/2019 22:33

Suddenly he stopped being a bump and became a person.

That's what happens when you meet your baby for the first time. Whether you already knew their sex is irrelevant.

TapasForTwo · 23/05/2019 22:33

Why wouldn't it be lovely?

All I wanted was a healthy baby. I didn't care what sex DD was. To me, if you already know the sex, it is a bit like opening a Christmas or birthday present, and already knowing what it is.

Spicypizza · 23/05/2019 22:33

Was one of my best decisions to wait until birth to find out.
The mw actually ended up saying are you going to see what you’ve got. I just didn’t think to look, I was so in awe of this new arrival.
It was just the best feeling finally knowing, the last 4 weeks or so of pregnancy, I was just desperate to find out. It did make it more exciting for me though. Makes me so happy to think back to that day.

Ottiva · 23/05/2019 22:34

DC1 - after a traumatic labour I couldn't have cared less if they told me I'd given birth to a monkey. I was overwhelmed by the delivery & subsequent stitching that I felt very detached from the situation.

With DC2 we found out & I was so happy I did. We kept it a secret between us. I felt more bonded with the baby in advance. Labour and delivery were also 100% better though so maybe I would have been able to enjoy the moment a bit more 🤷‍♀️

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