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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tell me your stories of finding out sex at birth!

141 replies

TheLetterOfTheLawTheLetter · 23/05/2019 21:47

First, I know this isn't a big deal. I know everyone is ultimately happy with their choice (to find out or not). Its just I need some motivation to not find our for dc2, having turned down one opportunity already! I'm very impatient and usually cant wait for anything, certainly didn't for dc1.

I'm wondering if I do wait then, if the birth is anything like the last (very fast, intense), I wont give a damn, and wish I'd have found it under more calm circumstances!

I'm basically looking for someone to tell me their not finding out experience was lovely, and give me motivation to hold out.

Sorry, this is not exactly a problem I know! I'll be incredibly lucky to have a healthy baby. I'm just curious to heart what others thought of the whole surprise thing!

OP posts:

missyB1 · 23/05/2019 21:50

All 3 of mine I didn’t know the second until birth. I loved it that way so exciting! It’s just such a special feeling when they show you your boy or girl. Hold out for it you will be pleased you did honestly!

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 23/05/2019 21:51

I didn't find out with either of my two, I absolutely loved it and don't regret it at all. That moment when you're sweaty and tired and overwhelmed, you get to find out what it was all for.
And for context, I had a planned c sec second time round and loved that there was still an element of surprise as we knew when they were coming.

GetRid · 23/05/2019 21:52

Someone once said to me that discovering the sex at a scan is like opening your Christmas presents early. It just spoils the surprise!

We didn't find out with our first two and when they were born it was just so exciting!

AtSea1979 · 23/05/2019 21:54

I found out. I absolutely have no regrets as I felt I bonded more with them before they were born as I knew more about them, named them etc but it sounds like you regretted finding out with DC1 so wait it out.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/05/2019 21:57

To be honest, and I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but for one child I found out, and the other I didn't. I much much preferred finding out in advance.

CloudPop · 23/05/2019 21:57

I wanted to know. Even though I am someone who doesn't read the last page of the book to find out the ending, will happily look at a present without the urge to open it before the due date etc. Just so wanted to have an idea of who was coming.

Closetlibrarian · 23/05/2019 21:58

I didn't find out with either of mine. It was particularly lovely with DC1, I was so in awe of the whole thing that I forgot to check for at least several minutes. The MW finally prompted me. The birth was quite magical in many ways, and it was so lovely discovering for ourselves what sex she was.

YouBumder · 23/05/2019 22:00

I didn’t find out with either of mine. I wanted to with the second but we didn’t because my husband didn’t want to know. I loved finding out at the birth and am so glad we didn’t find out in advance. It also seems a bit different these days not to find out as most people seem to now.

CatherineVelindre · 23/05/2019 22:00

I didn't know the sex of either of my DC until they were born - nor did my DSis with her DC.

I think I was reacting against the kind of comments I'd heard to other people about how lovely it would be to have a girl (You'll be able to go shopping, do her hair etc) or boy (He'll support X team just like his dad and uncles) and I didn't want to stereotype my children before they were even born. (Anybody who has met me will know that shopping is just about the last thing I'd ever choose to do with any child, regardless of sex.)

I couldn't have chosen a name without seeing them either - when my (rather large) babies arrived, some names seemed singularly unsuited to them, and I liked the fact we met them first and then decided whether they were a (for example) Orlando or Bob.

Lenny1987 · 23/05/2019 22:01

Loved not knowing. Was in labour and it was the only thing getting me through contractions. Then it was my husband who announced it was a boy, and then the doctors presented him to me. Amazing. Would definitely wait again.

icebearforpresident · 23/05/2019 22:01

I didn’t with either of mine, who both turned out to be girls. I just didn’t want to know until they were here.

Both times my midwifes were more excited that I was, I was in too much pain to give a shit. They both commented that most woman they see know what they are having.

When the time came with my first the midwife told me, and that was fine, I had no preference as to how I actually found out. With my second she was ‘presented’ to me to see for myself and I was so high on gas and air I genuinely had no idea what I was looking at, I had to get my husband to tell me.

Rudeabaga · 23/05/2019 22:03

My parents wanted a surprise. When I got hauled out my dad exclaimed with joy "it's a boy!"

The medical staff gave him and my mum a minute or two then explained gently that it was, in fact, the umbilical cord he was looking at. :)

ConfessionalProfessional · 23/05/2019 22:03

I didn’t for one and I did for the other. It was different and neither was better.

Can’t believe some people claim to be better bonded with their DC because they knew the sex?! Bizarre. WTF kind of parent is that?!

WhoWasIt · 23/05/2019 22:04

I didn't find out until they were born, but i knew deep down within myself what i was having, and i was right.( I think my son would still be nameless years later if he had proven me wrong and been a girl. lol )
I enjoyed the moment of the midwife announcing the sex at birth and the look of delight on my husbands face.
When our daughter was born, you would have thought that he was the first person in the world to ever have a daughter, the daft soft sod.
As others have said, knowing before birth is like seeing your xmas present and then wrapping it up only to unwrap it a few months later. It takes the pleasure of the surprise away.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 23/05/2019 22:04

I didn't know any of my 3 in advance and it was very special. The midwives all got very excited when they heard it was a surprise too-they loved it 😂
My youngest was special as everyone told me it would be a boy and she proved them all wrong 😉

CazM2012 · 23/05/2019 22:05

I didn’t find out with my first 2, then found out with the last 2. I did prefer knowing tbh as we had chosen names and I felt more bonded, I don’t know why I just did.

frugalkitty · 23/05/2019 22:06

I didn't find out with my three. Boy first, then when I was pregnant again I was convinced it was another boy. Never thought it would be a girl so when she was born and the midwife said she was a girl it was the most thrilling moment of my life and I'm so glad I hadn't known beforehand.

Original poster

TheLetterOfTheLawTheLetter · 23/05/2019 22:07

Thank you all for your stories, so interesting for me to read! I should clarify that I didn't regret finding out with dc1 for a second (I also kind of wanted the opposite sex, so I needed to find out asap to avoid knee jerk disappointment... and by the way I am SO happy I got what I got!)

I was thinking of waiting, to have a different experience in what is likely to be last pregnancy. I'm excited at the thought of the extra anticipation!

OP posts:

Bambamber · 23/05/2019 22:08

I didn't find out first time around, it was lovely having my husband be the one to say whether she was a girl or boy. It just felt really exciting as we had waited so long to find out. This time around my husband wants to find out but I dont. I don't know whether not knowing makes it any better and I'm sure it's different for everyone, but it just felt really special in that moment finding out

FrenchBoule · 23/05/2019 22:09

2 surprises here, both turned out to be boys. DS1 announced by medical stuff as he was whisked away not being well.
When DS2 appeared MW has pushed him towards me. He’s had so many dimples I thought it was a girl, on a closer look a willy and wee hairy sack emerged 😂

FrenchBoule · 23/05/2019 22:10

*staff

MCC85 · 23/05/2019 22:10

Our first we found out, but kept it between me and my DH, we loved the excitement of knowing and buying bits.
Our second we had a surprise, I requested that my DH tell me what we had, and it was such a moment, hearing the emotion in his voice when he told me, I'll remember that forever.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 23/05/2019 22:13

I found out with dc1 and that was the right thing to do (given my mental health issues afterwards). I didn't find out with dc2 partly because I wanted to do things differently and that was also the right thing to do.

They were both born by emcs but dc2's was a much better experience and whilst I was staring at her grumpy little yelling face and her mohawk as she came out of me, dh went "oh, it's a girl...I win" (totally not competitive at all but I was convinced she was going to be a boy). I fell head over heels for her before she was fully out of me, the bond was instant. Dc1 partly due to the circumstances of his arrival and my massive break with reality, it took me months to bond. Knowing he was a boy made zero difference.

Doilooklikeatourist · 23/05/2019 22:13

We didn’t find out with either of our 2

First pregnancy , I was convinced was a boy , as I have 2 sisters who each have 2 boys , and he was , and I was delighted ( and knackered and sore )

Second time round , I really , really wanted a girl , but in those days even if they could see at the scan , they wouldn’t tell

After the baby was born , the midwife passed the baby to me , and said can you see what you have ?
My DH was shocked as I shrieked she’s a girl !!!

Then the phone trolley was wheeled in , and DH phoned home , where my parents were looking after the toddler son , passed me the phone and I said
Mum , it’s a girl
She cried , my Dad burst into tears , I cried ( obviously) and poor DH held the baby

Would I have liked to know in advance ?
Probably , I remember picking up little dresses in Next , but not wanting to tempt fate

But I’ll never forget that phone call , one of the happiest moments of my life

DappledThings · 23/05/2019 22:14

Didn't find out with either of mine. DC1 is a boy and I was sure I knew it. I don't for a mo.ent believe you can know so it annoyed me I couldn't shake that feeling but when midwive said he was a boy my first thought was "well duh, I know" because I couldn't imagine anything else.

DC2 I was delighted to not have that feeling of false knowledge. I had a cannula in to give baby prophylactic antibiotics due to 24 hours between waters going and progressing. Delivered on all fours, midwive said "She's here!" I said "It's a girl?" Midwive apologised as she thought I knew already, I said I couldn't care less how I found out, rolled over to take her and knocked out cannula which sent a spurt of blood metres into the air which I found hilarious.

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