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Original poster

Tell me your stories of finding out sex at birth!

141 replies

TheLetterOfTheLawTheLetter · 23/05/2019 21:47

First, I know this isn't a big deal. I know everyone is ultimately happy with their choice (to find out or not). Its just I need some motivation to not find our for dc2, having turned down one opportunity already! I'm very impatient and usually cant wait for anything, certainly didn't for dc1.

I'm wondering if I do wait then, if the birth is anything like the last (very fast, intense), I wont give a damn, and wish I'd have found it under more calm circumstances!

I'm basically looking for someone to tell me their not finding out experience was lovely, and give me motivation to hold out.

Sorry, this is not exactly a problem I know! I'll be incredibly lucky to have a healthy baby. I'm just curious to heart what others thought of the whole surprise thing!

OP posts:
sleepwhenimred · 23/05/2019 22:35

I have done it both ways and truthfully neither was better. Both have their advantage.

Weevle84 · 23/05/2019 22:35

With my first baby I was just so shocked that a baby came out I didn't even really flinch at finding out that it was a girl. Obviously I knew I was having a baby, but when a real live baby comes out it is such a shock!!! Second and third time (both girls) it was lovely and I loved the whole anticipation of what it would be and what it might be called 🥰 I honestly didn't mind if I had boys or girls. I think if I really wanted one or the other I would have found out - just in case I needed a bit of time to get used to it being a boy or girl.

ExPresidents · 23/05/2019 22:36

We’ve had a surprise both times (we’ve got two the same) and I loved not knowing. Our second I had in the water and the MW passed the baby through to me so I could be the first one to see - it was a really really wonderful happy moment. If we have a third we’ll go for another surprise.

For me, it keeps me going towards the end and I like not having any assumptions about who we’re going to get before they arrive

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 23/05/2019 22:37

Didn’t find out for my first, but did for my second. So much more exciting not knowing!

TiredSloth · 23/05/2019 22:38

I’m shocked at the people comparing knowing the sex of your baby to opening and rewrapping your Christmas presents! And ‘spoiling the surprise’! It’s not as if women go into labour and go ‘what’s the point, this isn’t exciting at all. I mean I already know the sex!’

I personally wanted to know with both of mine. For the first because I found out she had life threatening health problems and it just helped me to focus on getting through a difficult pregnancy and I loved knowing with her so much that I decided to find out with my ds too. And giving birth to both of them was just as exhausting, amazing and magical as it would have been if I’d have not known the sex. It just comes down to personal choice.

skyblu · 23/05/2019 22:39

I waited. DH already had 2 girls from first marriage. We picked a boys name early on but then never discussed it again, DH convinced it’d be another girl.

I didn’t mind either way but I suppose, if pushed, would’ve loved a boy, for DH’s sake.

I will never forget that feeling, after all the hard work and baby ‘out’, when my midwife said, “you’ve got a little boy” and handed him to me. Sheer jubilation. Utterly thrilled. And there I was, holding my little man, all completely real!...and my DH crying, holding us both and saying “thank you”.

Finding out before would never have felt as great as that wonderful moment did!

Mowly75 · 23/05/2019 22:39

I loved not knowing; I was convinced I was having a boy anyway. Was a huge surprise when a girl came out. Particularly as I was so off my face by that point I thought the umbilical cord was a penis.

AnyFarrahFowler · 23/05/2019 22:41

For me, I’ve never understood the argument that you need to find out the sex in order to “bond” with your baby. I felt fully able to bond with my baby without knowing this, as have millions of women over the course of history. It’s a baffling argument to me.

We didn’t find out with DC1 and when DH announced “its a boy!” with so much love and emotion in his voice, it genuinely was a moment I knew I’d always remember with such happiness - cheesy, maybe, but true. It was magical, and really helped me get over what had been, to that point, a horrible labour.
We found out with DC2 (DD) because we wanted to tell DS if he was having a brother or a sister - I don’t regret it as such, BUT finding out at the scan really isn’t the same.

I would wait, it really is worth it.

stiffstink · 23/05/2019 22:41

I had 2 planned csections for medical reasons - if I had found out at 20 weeks I would've known the sex, the delivery date (booked later of course) and probably the name. I wouldn't have known the weight, but that's not much of a thrill.

I loved ringing people and telling them boy/girl and their names (even though my Dad thought DD's name was a prank for a week and kept asking "seriously, what's her real name?")

TapasForTwo · 23/05/2019 22:41

"I’m shocked at the people comparing knowing the sex of your baby to opening and rewrapping your Christmas presents!"

Really. Why?

SoupDragon · 23/05/2019 22:42

To me, if you already know the sex, it is a bit like opening a Christmas or birthday present, and already knowing what it is.

Yeah, having DS2 and DD was exactly like opening the Rupert Annual I always get from my mum 🙄

SoupDragon · 23/05/2019 22:43

"I’m shocked at the people comparing knowing the sex of your baby to opening and rewrapping your Christmas presents!"

Really. Why?

Because it's a stupid comparison.

Waterlemon · 23/05/2019 22:44

I waited with both of mine.
With DS1, they put him on my chest as soon as he was born but I then started being violently sick (I think a reaction to the epidural) so the midwife wrapped ds up in a blanket and handed him to DH.

It wasn’t until about 20 mins later when I’d stopped being sick and had been checked over that I took dc from DH and looked to see if we had a boy or girl!

It hadn’t occurred to DH to look! He was just staring in awe at our little baby!

I debated what to do with ds2. We decided to wait again but for the next 2 weeks I hated our decision. But was glad I waited in the end.

We didn’t really have a gender preference. I wanted a girl for me but I also wanted DS to have a brother as they are very close in age. I thought they would get on better if they were the same sex.

There are so few true surprises in the adult world- so I would wait and see!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/05/2019 22:45

My dd was a surprise.
Although I was convinced I was having a boy so I was utterly shocked. Not that i minded either way. It took me months to get my head round it that she was a girl. Infact. When they brought me round from my anesthetic and told me "I'd had a girl. My reply was
. "A girl, Are you sure"Grin

myDHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling · 23/05/2019 22:46

I found out for all of mine as soon as I could, and I am very happy I did. It didn't spoil the birth moment, far from it, but I couldn't have waited knowing that every time I had a scan the medical staff knew but not me.

I much preferred being able to prepare the room and the clothes. Only DH and I knew, we kept the surprise for everybody else - who don't really care that much anyway let's be honest!

myDHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling · 23/05/2019 22:47

It hadn’t occurred to DH to look! He was just staring in awe at our little baby!

that's so lovely, but that's why I don't think it spoils anything to know in advance, it makes no difference at that very special moment.

TiredSloth · 23/05/2019 22:48

I’m shocked at the people comparing knowing the sex of your baby to opening and rewrapping your Christmas presents!"

Really. Why?

Because you’re giving birth to your child? Not opening a new body shop gift set? Nobody is in labour annoyed at the fact that they already know what they’re having. I’m surprised at some people’s attitudes that if you already know the sex that somehow giving birth is less magical.

Darbs76 · 23/05/2019 22:48

My first two children, both boys I found out at the birth. Ds1 was a dramatic delivery, eventually yanked out with forceps after a failed ventouse. One of the doctors (3 in the room) said ‘you’ve got a son’. It was nice but I’d have rather found out at the scan, no option then 25yrs ago. Ds2 we chose not to find out. He weed on me as soon as he was born and so dp said ‘it’s a boy’! Lol. So no earth shattering moments.
Dd1 I was desperate for a daughter, I won’t lie. I swayed and was planning to wait for delivery again. Then people in the babycente group’s starting to find out the gender and by 20wks I’d decided to find out. But when they told me girl at the NHS scan I refused to believe it as she didn’t show me. So I paid for a gender scan 2 days later. By then I knew really it was a girl so no massive surprise. Just relief. I do think I robbed myself of an amazing moment in finding out at the delivery and the elation of it being a much wanted daughter. Of course I’d have loved a son just as much but I won’t lie I’d have felt some disappointment that my last chance for a daughter was gone. So part of me wanted to find out so I could have time to come to terms with that as I’d have hated to feel disappointed at the delivery. I know I’d have loved a son just as much but I’d have needed some time to mourn never having a daughter.

Dhalandchips · 23/05/2019 22:48

Didn't have any choice with my first two, the hospital policy meant people weren't told (it's 25 years ago). My third was very obvious he was a boy. I didn't want to know with my 4th but was told in the results of the CVS . I'd rather chew my own toes off than ever have a CVS again!

Dryshampooagain · 23/05/2019 22:48

I cried my eyes out 😳 not for the reasons everyone assumes haha I wasn't disappointed at all I was just a bit shocked and I think knowing the sex made it all a bit more real! I'd already had a couple of losses so to make it to the point where I could see our little one on the screen and imagine them as an actual little person I think overwhelmed me. Poor dh didn't know what to do and the sonographer looked petrified! 😂🙈

twoheaped · 23/05/2019 22:49

I didn't find out for one and was accidentally told for the other.
Finding out at birth was just the most amazing, uplifting feeling. My stomach kind of flipped in excitement at knowing I had a girl.
The other one was an anti climax in comparison.
I woukd say hold out and wait for the surprise. It is a feeling like no other I have felt before or since.

HiJenny35 · 23/05/2019 22:49

I'd hate to know. Friends of mine have and then they call and say "I've had the baby" no surprise as I've already known the sex and name.
I loved waiting and finding out, made the moment so exciting. And then phoning family after. We all guessed and could see who was right and wrong.

mrwalkensir · 23/05/2019 22:49

DC2. Five minutes before birth (ECS) - hope it ‘s a boy, I can do boys. Two minutes before....ooh, actually would be quite cool if it was a girl. Birth - hurrah it’s a girl! And she’s still glorious and a complete delight 23 years on. Just enjoy them as the person they are

TheCraicDealer · 23/05/2019 22:51

And ‘spoiling the surprise’! It’s not as if women go into labour and go ‘what’s the point, this isn’t exciting at all. I mean I already know the sex!’

Yes! It's still a surprise whether you find out at 10w, 20w or 40w. Some people have a pretty crap labour, tired, exhausted or out of it on drugs- so if you build it up into this magical "big reveal" it could be a bit of a let down. Surely the bigger surprise is seeing their wee face and feeling the weight of them in your arms for the first time? Meeting them and seeing them take their first breath, hearing them make their first cry? I mean that's still pretty special.

hopelessatthinkingupusernames · 23/05/2019 22:52

I found out with both of mine and was really glad I did. First baby got stuck during delivery and was whisked away pretty much the second he was out and second baby was an incredibly fast labour that left me shaking for ages. If I had waited till birth to find out it wouldn’t have been a special moment, but we had a lovely moment finding out at the scan.

It’s still a surprise whenever you find out and not that much of one either way as there’s only two possible options...