First Date, who pays?

[DreamsOfDownUnder]

So I'm going on a first date on Sunday evening for some food and drinks.

I'm planning on going dutch... I think?

What are people's opinion, man/woman pays/go dutch or do we pay for what we've had.. It's been a while since I've been one!

Kennehora, some said he must have a small willy, and a need to stoke his ego...
Nope, as said very handsome, just nice guy.
In the end he earnt much more than I did, and I still paid my share...
I just used to put it in his pocket as we thought it was funny....

mummmy2017
Even the transwoman on a date think the man should pay... 65%>>

Or alternatively,

The tightwad male is still a tightwad transwoman.

Yes I agree with Mummmy’s point about it being about a certain moral compass. This is why it’s depressing thst some people can’t get beyond the money issue. It’s far wider and deeper than that.

As I said, we are all free to live by whatever “moral compass” that’s meaningful to us. It’s fairly obvious that people will tend to gravitate towards partners who share a similar moral compass to them.

That’s all there is to it really. As I say, you don’t have to understand it, but you should have the capacity to just accept that there is no ultimate format for dating and relationships.

I wonder what Lesbian couples do on a date with regards paying? Whatever that is is likely to be what heterosexual couples should be doing

So now heterosexual couples should model their behaviour on same-sex couples? Erm, why? Because we’re now supposed to believe that gender differences don’t exist?

@HelenaDove

I already answered your question re grooming. I said I consider myself a gent by your standards.

No, I don't want the girl to come stinking of BO and without having had a haircut or comb in years, but I doubt she would be happy if I did the same. I expect a similar level of grooming that I do to myself: clean, clean clothes, some level of care taken on hair (even if it's just a cut in the last 6 weeks and a brush), nicely fitting clothes that arnt on tatters.

Some women and men have higher and lower preferences than me, and I have dated girls that fell far below my preferences, and far above. None of the girls did any grooming for me specifically, or they might have listened when I said I couldnt give a rats ass about pulic or leg hair. They did what they did because they wanted to, or otherwise didn't.

Not sure where you got this idea that I expect all girls to be dolled up while I turn up stinking in a tracksuit.

But why should any past social conditioning influence our present choice? I can understand gender stereotypes exist and then choose to move past them and aim for something more equal.

“Equal” doesn’t need to mean “sameness” RuffleCrow.

But I choose to be a old fashioned the n my dating.
I like it that way, the men I date seem to like it that way.... Never not been asked for a second date...
Yes this generation have different views, but it is personal choice, no one is right or wrong.

“I wonder what Lesbian couples do on a date with regards paying? Whatever that is is likely to be what heterosexual couples should be doing”

Eh?

No, I don't want the girl to come stinking of BO and without having had a haircut or comb in years, but I doubt she would be happy if I did the same

You know damn well that is not what i meant Thanks for proving me right though.

I meant things like waxes nails etc. Round here a full leg wax is £45 a time. Of course i didnt mean BO and not hair cut or brushed, for heaven sake. Me. i bathe every day. Have my hair colored every few weeks The hair is what i can afford I cant afford waxes as well. Shaving makes me sore and i wouldnt go through pain for some bloke i dont even know.

On a date i would dress smartly do my hair and make up etc But would have to forego an aspect of grooming so i could afford to pay my way. And that would probably be a waxing.

The fact that you have neatly side stepped it when i have already made it VERY clear on previous posts that i was talking about expectations of FEMALE grooming like having hair free legs tells me all i need to know about you.

That you are only interested in equality when it comes to women paying their half.

I don't think it's old fashioned to give your date money so he can pretend that he's paying. It's just a bit weird.

On a serious note, are you still in love with this man? You're jealous of his new partner and singing his praises like he could do no wrong. It does sound like you are still desperately in love with him.

Because we’re now supposed to believe that gender differences don’t exist?

So is there an innate ability for only men to pay on dates? How is it a gender difference to pay for things?

Bloody hell, have we been transported to Stepford?

OK My phone only showed the first part of your post so scrub what i just said

Sorry.

HelenaDove

I've seen you post at length about this subject before and I tend to agree with you. However the PP you were quoting clearly mentions in their post their feelings about leg/pubic hair etc.

Lol cross post Helena - ignore mine, except the part about agreeing with you on the whole

I meant things like waxes nails etc. Round here a full leg wax is £45 a time. Of course i didnt mean BO and not hair cut or brushed, for heaven sake. Me. i bathe every day. Have my hair colored every few weeks The hair is what i can afford I cant afford waxes as well. Shaving makes me sore and i wouldnt go through pain for some bloke i dont even know.

I have never had anything waxed and never have my nails done. It isn't obligatory you know.

Who is insisting on these things?

But why should any past social conditioning influence our present choice

Tell that to friends of mine who have been in tears due to the expectations of some of the men they have met via these dating sites. And how they are going to afford to meet their expectations.

Yes i dont know why it did that The rest of his post was showing as blank grey

They were not together long.
He is dead.
We had children...but remained friends to the end...
Since no one saw me give him money, how is anyone to know he wasn't paying?
You do seem to have a problem with me giving him my share for a night out before we entered the pub rather than traipsing up to the counter in a race to pay and be seen to not be having him pay. Why is that Bluntness?.

“So is there an innate ability for only men to pay on dates? How is it a gender difference to pay for things”

Decomposing - were now 17 pages in and (I don’t mean to be rude), but you are still reducing everything to the level of facetious questions which only focus on money.

You do your dating dynamic - nobody gives a hoot. If you don’t understand what underlies the dating behaviours of other couples, then just leave it at that.

IMO, if you don't want to see them for a second date, you pay for dinner.

I think a man thinking a woman has to be prepared, physically waxed and not a hair out of place to be worthy of a date says rather more about the men...
And we are arguing about a £10 drink...
How come just casual isn't enough, woman are making a rod for their own backs by putting so much effort into looking cover perfect, for a first date, as that was a 1940 attitude that a man was not allowed to see the woman looking anything less than perfect.

It sounds like some women just wax or take care of themselves to go on a date. What if you don't have a date for years?

Exactly mummy17 They are happy to pick the bit of equality that involves women paying their half but still want the 1950s bit that the woman must look Vogue perfect every time they see her.