First Date, who pays?

[DreamsOfDownUnder]

So I'm going on a first date on Sunday evening for some food and drinks.

I'm planning on going dutch... I think?

What are people's opinion, man/woman pays/go dutch or do we pay for what we've had.. It's been a while since I've been one!

Mummy you seem to be advocating for the man to pay but then telling us you went Dutch with your ex.

Now, Bluntness, she went secretly Dutch, so he got to look like a big man, and for some bizarre reason (pathological jealousy of his new girlfriend?) she kept secretly slipping him fivers after they'd split, so it looked as if he was continuing to buy her drinks in front of the new woman.

In some ways that's odder than Pa1oma's advocacy of choosing economic dependence on a rich guy, who pays on your first date and thereby establishes himself as the Right Type.

You aren’t a marytr because you shove your kids in a nursary and sit in front of a screen all day

Well despite the fact you have no children, you certainly seem to resent working parents!

Well despite the fact you have no children, you certainly seem to resent working parents

I couldn’t care less what people do!!! I just don’t understand how you could have venom towards a mum of 4 being a sahp.

I just don’t understand how you could have venom towards a mum of 4 being a sahp

Who does?!

Who does?!
Bluntness

Bluntness, If you go have one drink, then leave I would want him to pay....I would not be chasing him down the street with a fiver in my hand...

I don't think any one would. But the op is talking about dinner. It's not much of a first date if it's one drink really.

And hithere, what are you talking about, I like my job just fine. 🤣🤣🤣

We are talking about a first date....
Too blooming right he pays...
If he won't pay to buy the drinks, then he is not man enough to date , this is my personal view....
I am not young any more, but I can tell you that any man who wanted to go Dutch on a first date, always proved to be posting red flags by the end of a month or less of dating....

I am not young any more

Typing from 1890 will do that to you

And I certainly have no venom towards paloma for her lifestyle choices, do I dislike her thought process that men should pay for women when they go on a date , sure. I find it sexist and shameful, Will I disagree with her, sure. He desire to be paid for is not my bag at all.

We are clearly different people. I was looking for a partner who would respect my choices, she was looking for a man to fund her.

Different strokes different folks.

We are clearly different people. I was looking for a partner who would respect my choices, she was looking for a man to fund her.

I think that's about the size of it.

“ I was looking for a partner who would respect my choices, she was looking for a man to fund her.”

Just read that back to yourself Bluntness. Seriously. Read it back and consider your own tone.

@HelenaDove

It wasn't me that said paying makes you a gent. Fwiw I think that's ridiculous.

I would certainly consider myself a gent by your standards, and so would a lot more men than you realise by the way you framed it.

If you read it cost about £40 to go out for the night, he paid £20, I paid £20...
I did say this.... We thought it was funny she didn't like paying her rounds ..
Yep I disliked her, but for reasons before she even dated my ex.... Yes it was my evil revenge,. But how I choose to do things does not altered my belief a bloke pays on a first date....

mummmy2017. 13.13. Ish today...

So I paid my own way, when out on a date,. OH would buy our friends a drink out of my money
##£#££ and spend the same himself,. ######
Just because I didn't stand at the bar and get my purse out means nothing... What should he have given me a bill at the end of the evening. So I could just give him the money at the end of the night instead of the begining...

Good to know Flanner. So can i have an answer to the grooming question please. Would you be okay with a woman on a low income scrimping on that a bit so she can afford to pay her way?

Afreet - if I was looking for a “man to fund” me, do you honestly think I wouid have gone for a man who had just left the marines (hardly known for the megabucks) and was temporarily unemployed?

Everything we have achieved since we have done as a team.

You don’t have to understand. But it’s very sad that you feel the need to put other women down. Does it make you feel better about yourself?

Mummy were you not just salvaging his ego, making him look like he was paying, when he wasn't? It's kind of odd to pay half but pretend you're not.

There has been times I've given my husband money when we are out. Namely because he's run out of cash, or we are on holiday and I'm the one carrying our currency. I don't hide it or do it secretly. He'd think I was off my rocker if I did.

Hiding it makes like it feels to you that in some way it's shameful for a woman to pay half so you need to pretend you're not. It should be something you're proud to do, and any man who wants you to pretend you aren't paying is really not worth the effort.

I don't understand I have to be honest of expecting a man to pay on the first date, then having him pretend he is on all other dates.

Pa1oma, you got a good one, who honours and respects you from the sounds of it...
Maybe we should not be talking about money, but a moral compass....

You just focus on salvaging your own ego Bluntness. Don’t worry about anyone else.

Eh?

I said I don't like going to the bar...
It made us laugh.... It was our joke... He was very good looking ....
I felt better giving the money as we went in the pub, knowing I was paying my way, if it looks wrong too you so what, I don't ask you to do it...
If I go out with friends I always pay my share.
I take a bottle of wine if i go to someone's for a meal....
But I still want a bloke to pay a n the first date, it sets a tone....
Such a shame men have been so demonised, and woman feel such a need to be an equal.... Maybe this is why so many threads on mum's net are about how they pay half have children and he has more dissosible income as he earns three times as much.

Maybe we should not be talking about money, but a moral compass...

Do expand.....!

it sets a tone

Oh it really does.

A moral compass, valuing the child bearing side of a relationship, and knowing your partner wishes to do what works for your family... No two families are the same, but if all money is family money, then no one person's contribution has less value...