First Date, who pays?

[DreamsOfDownUnder]

So I'm going on a first date on Sunday evening for some food and drinks.

I'm planning on going dutch... I think?

What are people's opinion, man/woman pays/go dutch or do we pay for what we've had.. It's been a while since I've been one!

The thought that my clever independent daughter would be encouraged (by other women!) to sit there waiting for a man to pay makes me bloody angry

😂 So you want her to date a tight wad like you. I feel sorry for your daughter, I hope she finds someone who values her and doesn’t count pennies. I bet you’re not a feminist when it comes to housework.

@Pa1oma he lives in your house, with your values, outlook etc, and what appears to be a "traditional" marriage setup, so it's no surprise really.

He married his equal a woman is no less an equal of a man because shes a stay at home mum

Bluntness

I agree with you. It wouldn't cross my mind to get my husband to deal with a situation for me just because he's a man. I might ask him to deal with certain situations if they were ones that he is more knowledgable than me but that would be based on his expertise rather than the fact he is male.

If I was in a dangerous situation then obviously my husband would step in and help just as I would if he were but I'd expect anyone too regardless of their sex. I agree with Bluntness that Aggressive people often respond better to females than males.

@Hithere12

Oh dear. No not a tightwad, and not a man either 🙄

Rather an independent, working woman in a 30 year relationship that's shock horror capable of buying a few drinks.

And bringing up our daughter to stand on her own two feet.

Again, you are ridiculous.

The thought that my clever independent daughter would be encouraged (by other women!) to sit there waiting for a man to pay makes me bloody angry

Me too. Fortunately my 12 year old wouldn’t expect a boy to pay for her!

I think what I find fascinating is

The women with careers, who are financially independent, generally encourage their daughters to do the same. To get their degrees, to have their careers, to have independence and be self sufficient.

The women who don't have careers, Who stay home and do the child rearing, the housework, who have No financial independence, generally don't advocate their daughters do the same as them. They advocate the same as the career women above. To get their degrees, their careers they love, to be independent. They seldom teach them to not bother. Go into low paid work they hate and lookfor a bloke who will pay for them.

The career woman teaches their daughter to be like them. The woman without a career teaches her daughter not to be like her, to be like the career woman instead.

I wonder what they teach their sons though. I suspect it will be different. And more to find a woman just like their mother. Because that's better for the man?. But it's not what they want for their own daughters? Because they don't want to be judged by their own daughter in law?

@Hithere12

And feel free to encourage your daughter to dolly herself up for a man and sit pretty, which in your book excuses her of paying for anything, otherwise the man is a tightwad.

I know who's daughter I feel sorry for.

Bluntness - why would you equate having a job with greater agency.

Do you think my DH somehow forced me to have 4 DC? How ridiculous. Do you think he forced me to be at home? How did he do that exactly?

If I’d wanted to have a job, I would have got one. I would be exactly the same person. As it is, I didn’t have 4 DC to put them in childcare or pay for nannies. If I’d needed to work, I wouldn’t have had 4 DC. Simple as that. DH and I have organised our family according to what comes most naturally to us and is most practical. So shoot us! When I go back to work in a year or so, it will be on my own terms. He makes no judgement either way and never has - it’s women on MN who do that. He does his part, I do mine. It suits us. So what?

The women with careers, who are financially independent, generally encourage their daughters to do the same. To get their degrees, to have their careers, to have independence and be self sufficient

Oh get over yourself. I have my own business and as I said on a previous post I supported my partner for two years when he was unemployed.

You do realise paying for dates is not financially supporting someone?

You just sound bitter. Why do you look down on women who actually look after their kids?

why would you equate having a job with greater agency

Because you have more options if you have your own money and - unless you're independently wealthy - that usually comes from having a job.

And I say that as someone who was a SAHM for a number of years, received spousal maintenance for a couple of years etc etc.

Why do you look down on women who actually look after their kids?

Oh here we go....

Oh here we go

Lol what? I don’t even have children but I don’t know why being in an office all day is more worthy than looking after your kids?

You probably work a crappy corporate job that contributes nothing meaningful to society

You’re making yourself look an absolutele twonk with statements like that.

I don’t even have children but I don’t know why being in an office all day is more worthy than looking after your kids?

Do you often employ faux naïveté as an attempt at debate?

@Hithere12

Nobody is knocking SAHMs.

It's your assertion that, when dating, the woman's mere presence is somehow her 'gift' which excuses any financial contribution to the date that is so repugnant.

Do you often employ faux naïveté as an attempt at debate?

I was responding to someone who gave a big speech about what an incredible career woman she was and was better than a SAHP. What’s so empowering about being a wage slave?

I had a corporate career before my business and it’s hardly the pinicle of happiness I agree if you’re a scientist making a real difference then that’s one think but most of us are just making our bosses richer.

@Hithere12

Now you're just being plain ignorant.

What’s so empowering about being a wage slave?

Assuming you’re genuinely asking, do you really not see how earning money gives one options?

@JacquesHammer we're wasting our time here I'm afraid.

Assuming you’re genuinely asking, do you really not see how earning money gives one options?

Yes but in terms of the previous poster who this was about, she was 4 kids and her husband is the sole earner, so she doesn’t need earn money? if they split up she’d get the house and maintenance. What more options would she have if she worked???

if they split up she’d get the house and maintenance. What more options would she have if she worked???

Arf, because men always pay an acceptable amount of maintenance, right? And there’s no guarantee she would get the house, just FYI.

I’m a single parent. I make damn sure I have enough so that if for any reason the maintenance stops I have no financial issues.

Now where, oh where could I get the money to do that....? Yup, gainful employment. Those are the options having a job gives you.

A real woman does it all herself.

A real man won't let her 😉

Ok @JacquesHammer but clearly the previous poster is in a different position.

Her husband earns enough to be able to support a family of six on his wage alone. If they divorced she would be more than fine. Why should she have to work with four kids to look after for “muh independance”.