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Original poster

First Date, who pays?

598 replies

DreamsOfDownUnder · 23/05/2019 10:29

So I'm going on a first date on Sunday evening for some food and drinks.

I'm planning on going dutch... I think?

What are people's opinion, man/woman pays/go dutch or do we pay for what we've had.. It's been a while since I've been one!

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 24/05/2019 11:08

First you don't go to an expensive restraunt on a first date....
So you can't be stung for a bill you can't afford.
Second. He offers the first drink .. It has been shown that if he doesn't offer then he sees you as a friend or a fuckbuddy not a date...
Third if you know you earn more that him just laugh when he offers, and say no my treat.... Because .. what ever you want to say... IE...no I asked you out....
Fourth, who ever buys the first round, I would expect the other person to offer do you want another...
Fifth. Decide before you eat who is paying... If he says do you want to go for a meal, just say. Ok.. do you want to go Dutch , then he can say yes or no...Again if you want to buy tell him....no I am celebrating, so I am buying ..

JacquesHammer · 24/05/2019 11:09

It has been shown that if he doesn't offer then he sees you as a friend or a fuckbuddy not a date

Shown by whom?

AhNowTed · 24/05/2019 11:12

@Hithere12

"I’m cringing so hard"

Do elaborate.

Or are you happy to sit there all night and not buy so much as a drink?

DecomposingComposers · 24/05/2019 11:17

You just don’t understand Decimposing. You can’t see beyond the money.

I really don't think it's me who can't see beyond the money.

I don't value a person based on how much they will spend on me.

mummmy2017 · 24/05/2019 11:19

Search it up.
Uni studies, date sites,. Even men's forums...
You don't need to accept when he asks, but if he doesn't want to try and impress you buy /offering to pay for a coffee or a beer that he is already wanting to drink, then it says a lot about him ..
Even men say the same about their buddies, someone buys around, then the next person buys, then the third... People who don't even offer are users....

Hithere12 · 24/05/2019 11:26

Here’s a direct quote from a dating expert (runs a very successful dating agency)

“A lady never pays for themselves unless you are masculine energy. Your company to a true gentleman is the gift in itself. In this day and age a man feels good when he does good, which means he loves taking a woman out and paying the bill. Any man who complains about this is not a man, but a boy.”

www.bravotv.com/the-millionaire-matchmaker/season-2/blogs/patti-stanger/ask-patti-who-should-pay

🤷‍♀️

DecomposingComposers · 24/05/2019 11:28

Even men say the same about their buddies, someone buys around, then the next person buys, then the third... People who don't even offer are users....

Well, yes of course that's right.

But how does that prove that a man who doesn't offer to get the first round only sees you as a friend or a fuck buddy?

I can't abide stingy people so I would hate to be judged like that by others. Whoever reached the bar first offers to buy in my book. If that's me (and no I don't bend down to tie a shoe lace or nip to the loo to avoid being first) I will offer, regardless of who I am with - man, woman, group and it is nice if they do the same but no way do I have preconceived ideas based on if he doesn't pay for everything then he's a tight wad or not manly enough FFS.

Do you also want your date to go out and cut down a tree or wrestle a bear to prove his manliness?

I'm really interested to hear what your ideas of "womanliness" are? How does a woman need to behave? We've heard your rules about what makes a man, so what makes a woman?

AhNowTed · 24/05/2019 11:28

@Hithere12

OMG, you can't be serious 😂

Hithere12 · 24/05/2019 11:29

If you are happy with a cheap man who wants you to go Dutch that’s fine but you’re clearly unhappy if you’re so viciously attacking women who are not with a man like that.

Hithere12 · 24/05/2019 11:31

OMG, you can't be serious 😂

OMG I’m completely serious 😂 it’s a very unattractive quality for a man to be tight. Just like it would be unattractive to you if a woman showed up to a date unkept, hairy armpits and legs. Men and women are different.

Bluntness100 · 24/05/2019 11:33

I certainly don't think a woman who expects a man to pay is a gold digger. Most of them end up with someone who is a low ish earner. They usually aren't dating wealthy guys.

And this whole a man makes you pay, expects you to go back to work after having kids, I guess it's no surprise that the women who expect a man to pay, are the ones posting this, like the man makes the decision. And he's in charge.

Well. No. I decided if I wanted to go back to work, my husband wS happy either way. My call all day long, And my husband doesn't make me do anything. He is not the boss. We are equal partners.

Maybe if some of these women started off being equal then they wouldn't find themselves in situations where there partners made them do shit.

formerbabe · 24/05/2019 11:37

Do you also want your date to go out and cut down a tree or wrestle a bear to prove his manliness?

Clearly this isn't doable in London in 2019...but a more relevant example would be...'would you want him to defend you from a mugger?' or 'would you want him to deal with a drunk idiot who was bothering you?'. On one of my first dates with mrformerbabe, a man put his feet on the back of my headrest in the cinema and he turned round and told him to put them down. Not quite wrestling a bear but perhaps the modern day equivalent Grin

Happyspud · 24/05/2019 11:38

Mummy2017, I think what you should have said is that you never go to a restaurant YOU can’t afford. As a rule. With friends or with a potential love interest. You were indicating the problem was that he might not pay so you might get stung. The real problem is that you can’t afford it.

AhNowTed · 24/05/2019 11:38

@Hithere12

Here's more 'advice' from your dating 'expert'.

Patti,
Do you ever think it's appropriate for women to go to an upscale bar for drinks? I have had varied responses on this. Some guys think a woman is desperate and looking for sex if she is at the bar and others say they think she is a confident woman and they don't mind seeing a woman alone at the bar...what are your thoughts?
Thanks,
Licia

Yes, but I will give you a bit of a tip that will make you stand out from the crowd. “Those who travel in packs do not attract.” If you go out looking classy/sexy by yourself, get situated at the bar, remember to tip the bartender well and bring a topical male friendly book with you between the hours of 4:30 pm to 5:30 pm, men should come up to you once you smile at them. If the guy doesn’t offer to buy you drinks or an oerderve in the first 15 minutes of meeting you then move on. He is either cheap or waiting for a better deal to come along.

You are utterly ridiculous 😂

Happyspud · 24/05/2019 11:39

So it’s that subtle difference in thinking that is dividing people on this thread and what many people are not getting.

Bluntness100 · 24/05/2019 11:39

I really don't see how protecting someone you're with, is the same as paying for their company.

Who the fuck wants to date someone, Male or female. Who stands back or scarpers when you're being mugged or bothered by some twat.

Seriously.

mummmy2017 · 24/05/2019 11:39

Even the transwoman on a date think the man should pay... 65%>>
This about self worth....
A man should want to offer...
Should want to be willing to show he wants to be with you and buy you a drink...
If you feel strongly you can always do no lets go halves or I want to treat you but this is about self worth, are you not good enough that someone wants to buy you a drink...

Bluntness100 · 24/05/2019 11:43

If you feel strongly you can always do no lets go halves or I want to treat you but this is about self worth, are you not good enough that someone wants to buy you a drink

Oh my, are you not reading the thread. It's not about them wanting to. It's about you wanting to pay. I don't understand why so many women on here can't comprehend that a women would make this decision. It's not about a man not offfering.

Let's make is simple. For those struggling. He offers, you decline an pay your own way on a first date.

Flanner0475 · 24/05/2019 11:44

@hitgere12

I am still curious why you're cringing?

Also I'm intereted what you think about the part of my post where I explained that I find generosity attractive in women too. More specifically any woman who thinks not being unkempt is only the women's job, and being generous is only the man's job is unattractive to me.

mummmy2017 · 24/05/2019 11:45

He offers ,you say thank you, accept his offer and enjoy the drink and his company, then say do you want another my treat.
At which point does this deminish you as a human...

Bluntness100 · 24/05/2019 11:47

Mummy, then you're going friggen Dutch 🤣🤣🤣

Scorpvenus1 · 24/05/2019 11:49

If you don't like him and don't want any guilt of rejecting them, then I say pay for it yourself.

If you like him, he pays.

Wrong to some but its the only way they cannot corner you for not being interested as a lot of them will :D

mummmy2017 · 24/05/2019 11:52

But you let him offer and accept to pay for the first drink... That is the point....

AhNowTed · 24/05/2019 11:59

The double standards on here are hilarious.

He's a miserable bastard for expecting a reciprocal drink.

You sit on your hands all night and that's fine cos your hair looks nice.

Jesus wept.

DecomposingComposers · 24/05/2019 12:02

On one of my first dates with mrformerbabe, a man put his feet on the back of my headrest in the cinema and he turned round and told him to put them down

Are you not capable of asking him to put his feet down then? Or of telling a drink who is bothering you to get lost? What do you do if you are out on your own?

As fir fighting off a mugger - no I don't want anyone to do that. Things can be replaced, people can't