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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make daughter face her bosses on her own

286 replies

krustykittens · 23/05/2019 00:27

I'll try to be brief! My teenage DD approached a family-run restaurant that was looking for waiting staff and was told that she should come in for an unpaid trial and they would let her know. She did, they called her after and offered her a shift, she turned up for it and was told after three hours, when the rush was over, "Oh, this is another trial, unpaid, you can go home now." She wasn't happy but was desperate to land her first job, so when they offered her another shift, which she confirmed would be paid, she went in and again was told to go home after a couple of hours as the boss's son had turned up and wanted to work. Hmm Then, for three weeks, they didn't call her in for another shift, just kept telling her they had no work. A friend told her of a job going at a place she was working in and she got it, did three shifts last weekend. The old place owe her 20 pounds and didn't pay it into her account, instead they told her to come into work tomorrow (an hours journey by public transport) to pick it up and have a meeting with them. They have a track record for being unpleasant as bosses, which she knew before she applied for the job, but she said she would ignore it if it meant getting her first job. Now she is scared they are going to get nasty with her and wants me to come with her. They haven't a bloody leg to stand on with her as far as I am concerned and I think she should just go in and face them and tell them, calmly, that yes, after being left high and dry by them and treated fairly shabbily, she has found another job. She has to learn to be an adult and do things without me at her side. But she is worried sick about tomorrow - should I offer to stand outside the restaurant and go in if she calls me on the mobile to back her up? She is only a kid and these people love to power trip, which is why they are demanding she do a 2 hour round trip for twenty bloody quid! I'll be honest, part of me wants to walk in like Clint Eastwood and demand her money on her behalf! I am driving her in partially because I can do some shopping in the town, partially because I don't want to give these arse holes the satisfaction of wasting her whole morning when she is meant to be revising for exams!

OP posts:
Sycamoretrees · 23/05/2019 00:32

As it's only £20 I don't think it's worth the stress collecting it is going to cause. Perhaps advise her to chalk it up to experience and move on. Sounds like she's better off without the job.

CrumbsCrumbsEverywhere · 23/05/2019 00:34

What nasty people. Personally I'd write off the £20, give her a big hug and tell her not to bother. Go shopping somewhere else together and have a nice morning instead.

iogo · 23/05/2019 00:36

I'd tell her to write it off as an experienced. It's absolutely not worth upset for 20 quid.

SpeckofStardust · 23/05/2019 00:40

Bastards. Yes, in principle teens should learn to fight their own workplace battles but this shower sounds like they might get really unpleasant with her so in this instance, trusting myself to hold my tongue unless they were to get abusive with her, I would probably accompany her, stand to one side so she can be seen to have back up whilst letting her speak for herself.

itswinetime · 23/05/2019 00:41

Personally I'd either right the money off or breeze in together collect the money and breeze out again talking loudly about how convenient it is you were shopping InThe area anyway.

I'm all for people standing up for themselves but I don't think this is the right time. She went out got the job and through no fault of her own got screwed. You know they are arseholes who are likely to power trip her and make her feel bad. Standing up to people like that is a skill you develop with time not on your first job either leave it or go with her.

Original poster
krustykittens · 23/05/2019 00:41

Perhaps I am being too harsh with her? Myself and her father are self-employed and have always drummed it into our kids that when you work, you get paid. I've had to face down some real arse holes in my time who have tried to weasel out of paying for work done, as has he. I am RAGING that they pulled a fast one on her with their bloody second unpaid, un-announced trial and I want the money they owe her. Perhaps I should turn up for the meeting? That might give them something to think about! Grin

OP posts:
user1474894224 · 23/05/2019 00:46

I am all for kids standing on their own 2 feet. But really....that first place takes the p". Your daughter did everything right. And she has found another job. Please you go and get her money......tell them they owe her for 2 shifts. And give them a piece of your mind for exploiting a child.

Original poster
krustykittens · 23/05/2019 00:50

Clint Eastwood mode it is! I am raging at how she has been treated - I waitressed for years and never had to put up with shit like this.

OP posts:
user1474894224 · 23/05/2019 00:56

Good for you. Don't forget to ask for her share of the tips too. 😉

itswinetime · 23/05/2019 00:57

And if they are the nasty power tripping type get her to block their numbers/however they contact her once she has the money they aren't worth it. Good luck

Original poster
krustykittens · 23/05/2019 00:57

Oh, I will! And I won't be sitting around for a fucking meeting either, they are not taking up my time for free! My time has a price tag on it and they can't afford it!

OP posts:
Whenisitover · 23/05/2019 00:57

I second you going in there with her and get your Angry Mama Bear on!

There are times to hang back and let them learn for themselves

And then there are the times to show them you have their backs and how to stand up for themselves!

Original poster
krustykittens · 23/05/2019 00:59

I am so glad I asked you all for advice. I really thought I should be letting her handle this herself but I dying to have a go!

OP posts:
Acis · 23/05/2019 01:00

If you're used to facing down arseholes like this, absolutely go with her and show her how it's done.

Justaboy · 23/05/2019 01:06

Exploitive scummy shits, no other way to put it:-(

What a way to treat a young girl, they should be ashamed!

If that was my DD i'd be round there to put them straight in no uncertain terms never mind 20 quid its the principle of it!

Original poster
krustykittens · 23/05/2019 01:10

Exactly! She worked for that money, they owe her. And they are not taking up a second of her time longer than is necessary to get it. She is certainly not sitting around for a meeting while they berate her for getting herself another job.

OP posts:
nancy75 · 23/05/2019 01:11

Tell them you expect her to be paid for both shifts, 1 trial is enough. They are obviously bully’s, happy to pick in a kid - bet they’re not so brave when it’s an angry mum.
I’d also remind them of the power of trip advisor!

HUZZAH212 · 23/05/2019 01:22

Why the 'meeting'? They owe her 20 quid not 2k. I would just get her to ring ahead and ask to speak to the manager and advise she would like the £20 deposited in her account as she's not traipsing in on a 2hr round trip to discuss payment owed. If she struggles on the phone call then by all means take over but if the management have nothing better to do than schedule work time to quibble over a few pounds with a teen then there's something highly amiss.

CrotchetyQuaver · 23/05/2019 01:29

Yes I'd go in and tell them what you think of their exploitation of teenagers. Can you threaten them with going public about their tricks? Definitely go in and speak on your daughters behalf and give them hell. I hate places like that, and I'm glad she's found another job now. What a bunch of knobs playing that power game of making her go over there to collect her wages that's disgusting

Original poster
krustykittens · 23/05/2019 01:31

Trust me, these people are arseholes. She is scared they have found out she has another job and they are the type to want a meeting with her to tell her how aggrieved they are for her 'disloyalty '. One of them likes to thrown menus at the faces of waiting staff when she gets stressed on a busy night! Tbh, I never should have let her go for the job as I knew it wasn't a good work environment but she was insistent and desperate to work and I thought I should let her make her own mistakes. I am going in tomorrow because I am making damn sure she gets her money, which she can then spend on something nice for herself, and to tell these fuckers what I think of them.

OP posts:
cantfindname · 23/05/2019 01:36

Can't help thinking I have read this before. Maybe it's some common trickery amongst restaurant owners?

Tell her to chalk it up to experience, £20 isn't worth getting upset over particularly with exams coming up. Meanwhile I hope they have a FB page and a Twitter account and that you will make full use of both!

Raggerty54 · 23/05/2019 01:57

She needs to learn to fight her own battles. Assertiveness in the work environment will benefit her greatly when she’s older- it’s the stuff you learn in your teens from shit jobs! Drive her there and stay near for moral support but don’t go in for her- that’s just playing into the bosses hands because it’s got nothing to do with you.

And to all the people saying it’s “just” £20. The value of the money is actually quite a lot for someone on a low income. Just think of how many hours she worked for that. She deserves her money.

As a mother, I’d remind her that THEY are the ones in trouble here, not her. They can’t call her in for a slap on the wrist because they don’t own her and can’t exactly say they’re employig her! Besides which, she can threaten them with legal action or bad press (it is obviously mostly an empty threat but they will probably just chuck her the £20 to get her to leave).

SimplySteveRedux · 23/05/2019 02:52

I agree teens need to learn the workplace but in respectable establishments. This clearly is not one so you absolutely should go full angry mamma bear mode tomorrow. Good on you, and less blaming yourself for her going for the job. Places like these prey on young girls. Sounds like she's doing well in her new job, and enjoying it Smile. Now, go kick some butt Grin

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/05/2019 02:59

I don't think she should forget about the £20 and chalk it up to experience.
The manager I assume has a lot more money than your did. Why should she let £20 go. Yes its not exactly a lot. However its certainly not a little either.
Oh and I wouldn't threaten them about going public. I'd promise them.

FagashJackie · 23/05/2019 03:01

Her age?