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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH didn't pick up Dd from nursery

170 replies

Pencilcase123 · 22/05/2019 17:18

I am really unsure if my disgust and sadness towards my DH is controlled by my hormones.

Dd (4) goes to a private nursery on Mon and Tue (pick up 6pm). She goes to a school nursery on Wed, Thu, Fri (pick up 3.30).
I am 8 months pregnant with twins and having breathing issues some days. Today I phoned my DH at lunchtime and asked him to pick up DD. DH had a meeting in town and said he would be finished in an hour so no problem.

My cleaner offered to pick my daughter up but DH said he would do it.

I went to bed and was phoned at 3:50 by class teacher asking if I am ok because no one picked up DD. I rushed to school and was so winded that I had to sit down for a while. The Head came to talk to me about how I was coping. The class teacher asked how I was coping. I am now sitting here at home crying.

I have never been late for anything. I would never forget to pick up my daughter. I have worked really hard to fit in at this new school and I feel totally humiliated by DH. I feel that school now have the impression that I cannot cope.

DH came home and said that "it is no big deal" and that I am just hormonal. He says he mixed up the days and thought Dd was in the other nursery where she can be picked up at 6pm.

DH saw Dd in her school nursery uniform this morning and Dd has been going there every Wednesday since September. I feel especially sad as I was going to ask DH to pick up Dd more and more as I get closer to my due date but the trust is gone.

My DH obviously thinks I am being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
BogglesGoggles · 22/05/2019 18:58

So he got confused. My mother once forgot to pick me up from school altogether. Just went home. It happens.

Widowodiw · 22/05/2019 18:58

Fgs just move on. I honestly wouldn’t care what the school thought. It’s no big deal in the grander scheme of things.

Dyrne · 22/05/2019 19:00

The thing is; I really hope this is hormonal.

At 8 months pregnant with twins, of course this is going to result in tears rather than an eye roll and a “for fucks sake”. If she wasn’t pregnant, i’d be a little concerned about the massive overreaction to a minor fuck up.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 22/05/2019 19:01

I don’t think it’s a massive mistake but I think it is a big deal that he hasn’t been apologetic.

Send him to drop off next time she is at school to apologise for forgetting so he can feel the impact.

If he had said “oh no! I’m so sorry, are you okay?” it would have just been a silly mistake. It’s his reaction that’s the problem.

TigerTooth · 22/05/2019 19:05

What happened at school was ok - they won’t judge, it happens.
Your DH never admitting fault might be a problem, mine is like that and has got worse with age, it’s a bore.
Next time just remind him which one, don’t worry - it’s really fine.

Amibeingdaft81 · 22/05/2019 19:08

Oh OP
You are in for a tough old life (as is your husband and children!) if you get you get this worked up about a mistake like this.

percheron67 · 22/05/2019 19:11

My late husband took his son (first marriage) to the pub and forgot to take him home!! I think it raised a few eyebrows.

anothernotherone · 22/05/2019 19:12

His lack of regret/ embarrassment / apologies etc make him an absolute prat.

People make mistakes (though most people do not ever forget to collect their child, it is only normal in that it's happened to people before, it certainly isn't something everyone does).

My mother turned up an hour late to pick me up on my first day of secondary school - private school 30 miles away from parental home, not my choice and no possible way for an 11 year old to get home by public transport. It was absolutely mortifying, as everyone watched me standing there alone and finally teachers started coming out to see if I was ok, and I kept assuring them my mum was arriving any moment. Pre mobile phones.

She didn't seem to appreciate that she'd impacted me at all, and just ranted about things being slammed at work... Hmm

I've never forgotten, it's not nothing...

Apologising and actually being sorry would make it ok, but turning it around and making it about your hormones is absolute arseholery.

percheron67 · 22/05/2019 19:12

Forgot to say, the baby was in a pram and left outside.

Lweji · 22/05/2019 19:14

IMO an apology is less important than not doing it again.
If he had form, I'd be very angry. Being a first time, I'd just work with him on ways to ensure it won't happen again.

resisterpersister · 22/05/2019 19:31

YANBU!!

Yes, it happens. That's not the issue. The issue it that he hasn't apologies - he isn't mortified - it's him telling you - this is no big deal, instead of him apologising to you for putting you in an uncomfortable position.

Him downplaying it doesn't exactly inspire confidence he'll remember next time!

But please, don't back off from him helping out more. He needs to step up and support you better

Nofilter101 · 22/05/2019 19:31

Tbh it's a very easy mistake to make. Though you may not have made this mistake in sure you do make them where your dd is concerned so don't be harsh on him. If they have asked you about coping it's probably not this one incident that's given them this impression. Or if it is maybe they thought your dh leaves all the work to you.

WeedsAndMoss · 22/05/2019 19:34

I'm a teacher and I have twice got so engrossed in thinking about my commute and work I've got half way to work when my child has started chatting to me from the back seat and I've been ShockShockShock. Had to then race to nursery to drop off and get back on the road to work!

It happens. He wouldn't have been late on purpose. You've got a lot on your plate just now, I understand why you are upset but I would let this go.

thedancingbear · 22/05/2019 19:37

As long as you are happy for your DH to kick you out of the family home for making the same mistake, OP, I think you are completely in the right.

thedancingbear · 22/05/2019 19:39

In fact, if the OP's husband had had the OP's reaction in the reverse circumstance (i know, i know) he would be called controlling, abusive etc.

happyhillock · 22/05/2019 19:41

My SIL went to the wrong nursery to pick up GD, your DH got a bit confused which nursery what time? I wouldn't give him a hard time it was a genuine mistake, your DD was safe that's the main thing.

TargaryenBean · 22/05/2019 19:45

It is just one of those things that happens, it's not as if he's done it multiple times .

Yura · 22/05/2019 19:45

It isn’t a big deal though. a bit annoying, but stuff happens. he didn’t forget her in the car or similar, he mixed up pickup times. half the time i couldn’t tell you which clothes my kids wore in the morning (and i put them out!), so her wearing uniform in the morning is not something i would remember. its the first timexas well

Aridane · 22/05/2019 19:48

These things happen

Aridane · 22/05/2019 19:49

And "disgust" is a bit strong

Oblomov19 · 22/05/2019 19:54

It happens. You are hormonal. I forgot Ds2 was at after school club once!

Iggi999 · 22/05/2019 19:59

He fucked up and his wife had to sort out the mistake, and this didn’t warrant an apology. Bearing in mind she only asked for help due to physical difficulties caused by carrying his twins.
It’s classic “don’t ask me again” behaviour, so I hope the OP takes the stance of asking again and again, until he has upskilled himself.

DHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling · 22/05/2019 19:59

So he didn't really forget, he made a mistake between the 2 nurseries?

I really don't think it's a big deal. Many parents have done that, so many after-school clubs, various times. It happens.

Normal reaction when you are the one to be called is to apologise, pick up child, apologise quickly and move on. You are over-reacting a tad.

user1471590586 · 22/05/2019 20:00

Did you tell the nursery that it was down to your dozy husband? I would have done.

DHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling · 22/05/2019 20:00

you have years of mufti days, special outfit days, early finish, early starts, late finish. You must be a very confident person to be sure you will never make a mistake of your own.

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