I want to combine my name with my fiancees when we get married but mum is furious

[aokchesh]

Hiya,
New poster here so apologies on long post.
I'm getting married in June and my parents and brothers absolutely love my fiancee and see him as one of the family.
However we announced that instead of me taking his name, we will both change our names to a combination of our surnames.
This was met with absolute fury from my family and a massive fight, followed by nearly a year of passive aggressive comments and my mum constantly saying 'so and so thinks it's ridiculous' etc etc.
I understand that generationally it is different, my parents are late 50s and even keeping your own name wasn't really done in their generation. They are totally fine with me taking his, so it's not the changing name thing that bothers them, and they are fine (but less happy) if I kept my own name, it's literally just the joining of names that they have an issue with.

The name itself works well (sounds like a normal surname) and we both like the idea of honouring both of our families and keeping that route, and neither of us would be happy if I took his name.

His family is also upset but they were willing to sit down and talk it through and they understand now, and acknowledge that a lot of it was just because it's out of their comfort zone but ultimately they support it.

My parents however have said 'we will support you but we don't like it' but have subsequently repeatedly said it is 'stupid' a 'terrible' idea, 'awful' etc which isn't particularly supportive in my mind.

Most recently my mum said that if we announced it at the wedding she would walk out (I'm really close to her so that would be very upsetting but also they are paying so complicated there too!). My fiancee has written a really lovely bit in his speech about why we want to do it and what it means to us etc and I don't want him to have to take it out but i don't want to cause a big issue on the wedding day. Equallly I want us to be able to tell people so it is official rather than people not knowing what we are doing etc.

Now I feel like I will just end up keeping my own name until we have kids but I really resent that I'm basically making that decision to please my parents rather than because it is what I want.

I don't know what to do or how to get my parents to be supportive as I know they will just continue to undermine it behind our backs whenever they speak to anybody and we want them to support it. Am I being unreasonable expecting them to?

Or Belson and Enderby. Or Blowers and Jobson. Balham and Bagshot. Hey you could sell it to them on the basis of 'Aren't you glad it's not...'

How silly they are being. And I don't think you can blame their age - I'm in my 50s and kept my own name (and our children have my surname and DH's surname as a second middle name) as have many of my friends. Some also use both, but not hyphenated (like Bonham Carter for eg) or use their own name for work and DH's name for home.

It really is up to you, and there are no rules or laws about it - it's just custom, you don't need deed polls as some people have suggested - just as you don't if you changed your name to his.

You do need deed polls IF you want to change the name on your official documents eg. passport, driving licence; just as you would need to show your marriage certificate as evidence if you were changing to your husband’s name. But a deed poll isn’t a big deal, it’s free and very straightforward.

None of this makes. Who cares about names. I would my child to be happy and thank God they have found someone who love them. Change your name it is your life. Sod them. xxx

Seems like Hitched has done a DailyMail

www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/news/brides-mum-walk-out-of-wedding-name-change/?utm_source=UK+Registered+Members&utm_campaign=f7cd52f298-UK_Newsletter_210119_COPY_02&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_f85fdbf677-f7cd52f298-406548581

Op do what you want, it’s your day, your marriage and your life

Oh dear. We got married in secret. I was in my 50s, my wife in her 40s. We both wanted her to keep her maiden name, each for different reasons. Not quite the same as you, but the principle was the same: our lives, our wedding, our marriage. I also had a woman as my "best man", and none of the handful of guests knew they were coming to a wedding (not a special birthday as they'd been told). One turned up in combat gear convinced we were going paintballing. No professional photographer (what's the point?), no dj. Happiest day of my life. Stick to your guns:-)

I love the idea.. its so refreshing and gives a new meaning to the union. I say go for it! Do what you think is best.. the world won’t stop if you can’t please your parents.

Oh please do! I wished i made a mashup of my own maiden name and my DP's name. I am really kickin myself now. I think it is a lovely idea. Your "d"M is doing nothing more then trying to emotionally blackmailing you out of your decision! She will come around. (And if not then she is being very petty. Over a name. That YOU and your DP want because of beautiful reasons. )

I haven't read all the replies but your future children may not be too happy. Theres a security about having a generational name , either yours or his. My DC like to know they belong to a long line of Eg Jones.
Don't be surprised if they decide to change back and of course you wont be able to complain as their choice.
I couldn't care less if my DC choose to do it but secretly l would be thinking what a palaver!!
Also l think ye may be overdoing the drama having a big speech about it. Just get on with it and stop adding to the problem with your dps. If l was at the wedding l wouldn't be remotely interested in a big speech about it thinking it's a private matter.

I think your family are being ridiculous. I think you should take whatever name you please. However, you say you are honouring the families with this name. Honouring is showing great respect. You’re LITERALLY showing a lack of respect to your families opinions. I’d use the name you want, but don’t kid yourself it’s a way of honouring them. It simply can’t be, from the way they have reacted.