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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go back to children's centre due to spanish inquisition

159 replies

rubyroot · 21/05/2019 20:57

First time there- my 16 month has sahd who doesn't tend to take him to things. Socially he is fine, but just wanted him to get used to being around kids a bit more. From seeing him today, he's fine and gets stuck in.

BUT, as I was new (first time I had been) the workers (are they HVS of nursery nurses-- not entirely sure) swooped in and started asking loads of questions- whereabouts do I live, where do I work? I replied with the town I work in and then wanted to know what I do! I told them- I should have really told them to mind their own business.
Needless to say I won't be going back, I went there for my son, not to be asked a million questions!

OP posts:
seven201 · 21/05/2019 20:59

I think they're just doing their job. They ask questions to anyone new.

Also, your dh needs to take your son to some places where your ds can socialise.

RedHelenB · 21/05/2019 21:00

They need to check you are who you say you are

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 21/05/2019 21:00

Funding is being cut massively for children’s centres and they need to justify their existence. So presumably they were trying to see if you ticked any boxes that they are supposed be to be ticking.

Original poster
rubyroot · 21/05/2019 21:03

What by being nosey about my profession!

OP posts:
Mycatwontstopstaring · 21/05/2019 21:05

Part of their job is to reach out to parents, because so many parents of young children feel lonely and isolated. Our children’s centre also has a ‘no mobile phone use’ policy, to encourage the parents to build relationships and be sociable, basically. Asking where are you from / what do you do is pretty standard small talk, they were probably just being friendly and/or trying to encourage you to role model for your child how to make friends with new people.

Original poster
rubyroot · 21/05/2019 21:05

Why does (not my dh btw) his dad NEED to take him out to socialise?

He's a well balanced sociable boy. I didn't go to baby groups when I was a child and I think it's a relatively new thing- he'lll have his 15 hours of nursery when he's 3 and gets out and about other ways and sees my friends kids etc

OP posts:
knowsmorethansnow · 21/05/2019 21:07

They were interested in your family and your child while wanting to know who they had there. It's fine! Get a grip

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 21/05/2019 21:08

They ask me these kind of things when I take DS to be weighed, it just struck me as chitchat, they're meant to check on your well-being too. So what do you do do for work was followed by, oh do you know when/if you're going back, how are you feeling about that? Etc. It's their job.

hsegfiugseskufh · 21/05/2019 21:08

Ds goes to nursery at a children's centre and this doesnt surprise me. Theyre really up on welfare (of children and adults!) And theyre probably just trying to get a picture of yours and your childs life. Seeing if you might need support or not etc. Dont take it personally theyre trained to do this!

Original poster
rubyroot · 21/05/2019 21:08

I think its a bit judgy to be honest. Its question after question and I feel like it was more about what I do to find out what class I am and if they should be concerned. I find that they tend to leave me alone once they know I have a M/C profession which is wrong and shows their intention behind the questioning

OP posts:
Ohrobin · 21/05/2019 21:08

Ex children centre worker here. We were told to make sure all mums felt included and not ignored. It sounds like usual small talk to me. If you came and no one spoke to you, you might be saying you felt ignored. If you know it's the best for your child stick with it. Eventually the workers work out who wants to chat and who doesn't. But unfortunately it's their job and they cant ignore you. They also as pp like to try and build a relationship with you, just incase you need extra support. There were parents we picked up through stay and plays needing support and some we soon worked out just came for the child social interaction and to get out the house.

Give it another chance! Really important for child development to have opportunities to socialise and explore new toys.

Original poster
rubyroot · 21/05/2019 21:09

Ha I wandered around and spoke to lots of Mums- I'm a good adult like that

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 21/05/2019 21:10

Its not judgy at all and having a "middle class profession" has shite all to do with whether you might need support or not.

This post makes you seem judgemental, not them.

Original poster
rubyroot · 21/05/2019 21:11

Yes- he did enjoy it- there were lots and lots of toys Grin

I might @Ohrobin

It does feel like they dig into your class background- just my exp with HVs at weigh ins etc

OP posts:
iano · 21/05/2019 21:11

Maybe they were just making conversation? I think you're overreacting.

Passthecherrycoke · 21/05/2019 21:11

They do this to everyone, it’s a support service! What did you expect? They don’t care what class you are (hint: you’re at a children’s centre, you’re working class)

Original poster
rubyroot · 21/05/2019 21:11

Exactly @PlantPotParrot- so why the sudden change in attitude like I am not needy once they know?!

OP posts:
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 21/05/2019 21:12

They were just making conversation. When people first attend these groups they often feel uncomfortable (look at all the threads saying "I went to playgroup, nobody spoke to me, I cried in the car on the way home". Since you work, they tried to show an interest in your work...

Is there any reason you are touchy about your job? (Sewer cleaner? Tory MP? Parking warden?)

Ohrobin · 21/05/2019 21:12

That's really great you have confidence to do that.

Unfortunately some parents dont, and if the children centre doesn't try to engage with them, they don't come back as they might feel even more lonely that they came to somewhere that is meant to be welcoming and good for socialisation, and didn't feel that. So it's part of the children centre worker job to speak to everyone.

FilthyforFirth · 21/05/2019 21:12

Why are you so defensive?!

JoyceDivision · 21/05/2019 21:12

Why isn't sahd dad taking him out?

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 21/05/2019 21:13

If you were anything like you are on this thread, I'd imagine they didn't engage you further because of your demeanour, rather than your middle class job....

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 21/05/2019 21:13

(hint: you’re at a children’s centre, you’re working class)

Not true around here!

Original poster
rubyroot · 21/05/2019 21:13

Just in my experience I feel that you are received differently if they think you are M/C I am quite observant and can judge interactions in general

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 21/05/2019 21:14

If your attitude comes through like this un real life, id assume thats why they left you alone, not because of your profession.

Even people with good jobs get PND, neglect their children, struggle with their mental health, have abusive partners. All things that CC staff are on the look out for.