to not go back to children's centre due to spanish inquisition

[rubyroot]

First time there- my 16 month has sahd who doesn't tend to take him to things. Socially he is fine, but just wanted him to get used to being around kids a bit more. From seeing him today, he's fine and gets stuck in.

BUT, as I was new (first time I had been) the workers (are they HVS of nursery nurses-- not entirely sure) swooped in and started asking loads of questions- whereabouts do I live, where do I work? I replied with the town I work in and then wanted to know what I do! I told them- I should have really told them to mind their own business.
Needless to say I won't be going back, I went there for my son, not to be asked a million questions!

Um, but you have described asking the same questions to people there and even talking to somebody about the village she lived in.

Should she be reporting you to the police for stalking if you think being asked about your job is the "Spanish inquisition"?

I just felt the workers were trying to profile me that's all.

This speaks to your own issues. It has nothing to do with what actually happened.

Whether you mean to or not, the way you come across is aggressive and unpleasant.

If people are consistently perceiving you differently to how you expect then it's you that needs to adapt your communication style.

They’re trying to build a relationship with you so that you feel you have somewhere to go and someone to talk to should you need it.

I started taking my twins to my local CC when they were 15 months old. Everything was fine then. They were the first people I went to when I had concerns about my twins and they helped me get assessments and referrals and support given that in the last year both of my twins have been diagnosed with disabilities. And I’m middle class. Never affected how they treated me.

Fuck's sake OP. You'd be complaining if you were ignored when you went!

It's called.... hang on...... are you ready?..... small talk
It's what people do to be friendly. Stop overreacting and being so damn defensive.

It's hardly like you were asked your bra size and annual income

I understand that some funding was withdrawn from Sure Start children's centres partly because they weren't being accessed by the people who were the target participants. Many middle class parents attended, and whilst that wasn't a problem as such, they don't attract funding in the same way that organisations do who attract people who are perhaps more in need of help and support.

Having worked in the public and voluntary sectors, I know certain criteria will be measured to see if the outcomes are as desired. In this instance it sounds as if they need to know where someone lives, if they are working or not, what their job is, family structure etc.

What you trying to hid. Yabu and abit strange. I went to them as amazing for socially. Best friends ever

Still no answer on what the job actually is? Family court judge?

Tawdry - sewer cleaner/tory mp

@oneforthepain yes I thought I’d turn the questioning around to her. Convos are two way- right? So the qs I asked was to the I dividualwho was asking me- no one else.

@londonrach I’m quite a private person, I didn’t go there to be judged on my job. I went there for my son to play. When I spoke to other parents and when they spoke to me no one mentioned jobs. I understand now that they ask these qs for a range of reasons including to ‘gather info’ as pp said. I find all this a bit weird when I just want a play group.

I get it- it’s a children centre. Next time I will seek a community play group not connected to local govt, this will suit our needs better

Do you think you feel sensitive about being a working Mum and being asked about your job has made you worry they were judging you for it?

Or did you feel uncomfortable because it highlighted that you are in a higher wage bracket than them?

You have got yourself worked up over a very standard question.

Hi everyone, totally new in this group and is my first ever experience in a mums chat. So please bear with me until I get use to the dynamic and codes.(And sorry for my poor English too)
Rubyroot, I can empathize with your feelings as I am generally reserved and I don't like at all the inquisitor questions of estrangers but I can totally see the point of the general comments above. I am the case of a lonely parent and I did felt included and taken in account when in my first visits to the children centre they approach with questions and interest in my life. May be in an other context I would have felt irritated.

I think you went to the wrong place for what you wanted op-Just go to the regular soft play centres

Come on, tell us your job. Are you an English teacher?

Having a waged, albeit professional, job still makes you working class; you don’t own the means for production and are therefore not bourgeoisie.
I find most small talk intrusive...it’s twenty questions and often focuses on economics, hardly a surprise in a capitalist society but it still grates. Baby groups are full of small-talk.
On a side-note, the thread does read as if you are quite defensive of your child’s sahd not taking them to child-oriented activities...I believe a lot of your responses are by people trying to, gently, remind you that children do well with plenty of interacting with each other - learning to share and communicate with each other prior to the onset of education. The vast majority of people who take their children do not want to, like this sahd, but unlike him they prioritise this peer-interaction so the child finds it easier as they progress into state-led education and society as a whole. (Also, there have been groups for many decades - I grew up in a village which had a weekly toddler group and daily playgroup sessions many years before the curriculum was 3-18, organised as people appreciated the benefit to the children.)

DH needs to take your kid to things
He is 16 months old!!

I think they are just trying to build up a relationship so you feel able to bring up any issues

even if not a relationship with the center issue it could be a safety issue.
worse case scenario you pass out/have a seizure/heart attack etc.
imagine the conversation. where does this little boy live, who does he live with, knowing where someone is employed is a huge help in piecing together connections.

Surely what you do, is up there as small talk with what do you do for fun/hobbies interests etc in getting to know you?

I always get asked what I do by most people I meet. The HV etc noted that my job involves a long hohrs and alot of traveling. So just asked what support and childcare I had in place once mat leave ends. I didnt take offence at being questioned I valued imput. Naybe thats angle coming from?

Or did they think maybe as sahd does childcare that your career was important to you so saw it as a good convo opener?

They are profiling you to see if you will hit one of the many targets they are forced to meet.

The post code would tell them what area of deprivation you live in and what services you are eligible for. Your employment can give them a stab at your income bracket, again relevant to some services such as child care offer, benefit advice, employment information etc.

Most centres have targets for young parents and families with disabilities. Childcare funding and moving people into employment is another target. ESOL and migrant integration is another target.

Depending on what LA you live in, many of the other community play groups may be receiving partial funding from the council and collecting the same data and profile information.

The provision in our two neighbouring LA's is very different one consists of drop ins where parents sit on sofas chatting and the children just play on the floor or run of steam. The other is interactive with activities and learning tools for the children.

When funding was cut the MC parents signed petitions and held protests when they realised they were no longer entitled to access services due to focusing on the lowest areas of deprivation, as they knew the value of the centres.

Oh and another reason for profiling is that they are often recruiting for parents to be on the steering groups. Parents input is valued and needed so maybe you, or even better your DP, (fathers are very under represented in the children's centres) could volunteer for this and let them know your thoughts and help improve the service?

I understand that some funding was withdrawn from Sure Start children's centres partly because they weren't being accessed by the people who were the target participants

No it was an excuse to cut costs.

I just wanted to say my local children’s centre has helped me out no end. Breastfeeding support groups, talks on weaning, sleep training - I’ve attending all these. I also go for the playgroup once a week. The staff are a mixed bunch, but mostly friendly and welcoming. Plus it’s got a great outside space and activities that you wouldn’t mortally find in a soft play. I’d encourage you to give them another shot, especially since you are now registered and would probably avoid that sort of questioning second time round.

*Normally !

I completely hate this too. I felt constantly that I was being watched in case they could report me to social services for anything! (Obviously there was nothing worrying but this was the general tone, which was so offputting -- for example it made me worried about whether DD had got grass stains on her leggings from playing in the park beforehand in case this could be one of their "red flags"!)

At any rate -- they are lovely places, in my area they are mostly used by middle class mums, and to be honest I do feel that their intrusive approach may actually put off the people who need them. I am quite MC, professional job etc, but as soon as I mentioned that I was a single mother I was being quizzed left right and centre about my support network (which obviously I have but I don't really feel the need to tell strangers about my personal life unless there's a good reason). Although on some levels this is great, my impression of how it was done was that it was threatening! Surely not an approach that actually helps people. I suspect that is why the only mums I saw using the drop-ins were very ostentatiously married, affluent, "little Johnny has his organic wooden teether and his Boden corduroy jacket" types. (I dearly love a number of these mums too, don't get me wrong, but I found it weird that they formed such a large part of the clientele for my local children's centre...)

Children’s centre doesn’t equal working class at all, a whole variety of people go to them. Where do the middle class go exactly? NCT groups? Don’t be so stupid.

Anyway I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it either although I suspect it was just standard small talk rather than anything sinister.

No outsho, there just aren’t many middle class people real middle class, not MN middle class