To have called out my mums friend over NHS abuse…..

[Putmyfootinitthistime]

My mum has a friend who she moans about constantly. From calling her several times a day to tell her what the cats had for dinner, to asking her what she should do about XYZ. Friend lives on her own since her “partner” of 35 years died. The partner was actually a gay man who she shared the house with after her husband died (or should I say killed himself). What I’m trying to get across is she is definitely your stereotypical mad cat lady.

I’m forever having to put up with mum moaning and telling me the stories of friends abuse of the NHS. Now, I know for fact that there are no underlying health issues– just sheer boredom and entitledness. There is not a single week that goes by without friend going to the doctors for something. We’ve had suspected skin cancer which turned out to be a blackhead. Infected finger which was a skin tag next to her nail. I often say to mum “why don’t you say something to her?” and I get “well I do, I say “friend” why are you going to the doctors you don’t need to”. But she never says anything to follow it up.

So I’m sitting with mum and friend comes around and regails me with her latest story. I already knew about it because my mum had moaned to me about it. Sunday she called an ambulance because she had cut her leg. There was no arterial involvement just a cut. Even if it warranted A&E (a walk in center would have done) it sure as hell didn’t warrant an ambulance. Friend however hammed it up on the phone, got one, then complained at A&E she couldn’t wait to be seen as she needed to get home to look after the cats. She now wants to complain that even after explaining this pressing need, they still took over 5 hours to deal with her. Apparently some bloods were taken and she was told her doctor might want to put her on antibiotics.

So the reason for the visit was for her to complain she couldn’t get a doctors appointment. Apparently she was feeling ever so dreadful this morning and thought it might be sepsis so after she went out looking for her cat (!!!!!!) she phoned the doctors but couldn’t get through. When she finally got through she was told she couldn’t have an appointment but could phone up tomorrow for the blood results and they would take it from there.

My mum did say at this point “why do you need to go an see them”.

Her answer was that she wanted to go and see them so they could examine her and see how really ill she was she was convinced they weren’t answering the phone to her because they knew it was her phoning. Mum tried reassuring her it wasn’t because it was her.

At that point I admit, my patience ran thin…….I said words to the effect of “Friend, even if they were screening your calls, maybe you should take it as a bloody hint. If you had sepsis you wouldn’t be able to go looking for the cat and anyway you didn’t need an ambulance in the first place. In my world you would have been billed for wasting NHS time. If it wasn’t for people like you, maybe people could see a doctor when they are you know, sick, rather than bored with too much time on their hands”.

Friend didn’t like it and stormed off. I then got it in the neck for the next hour about how I shouldn’t have said anything. Problem is, if no one says anything, friend keeps on thinking its ok to do it.

Mum is not speaking to me now unless I apologise to friend. I'm refusing to.

I don't think I would have said something because it wouldn't make a difference. However, if I were you, there is no way I would apologise, and I would make that very clear to your mum. You said what you felt and you're not sorry about. If your mum is lucky, she won't have to deal with this nutter anymore.

Good for you! I absolutely hate this I have a family member with mild SN every week they are at the doctors for a bloody headache. Drs have now told them to stop calling and making appointments. So they do cotton on eventually.

She is probably very lonely, even if it wasn't her partner per se it was still a companion for 35 years. She will probably feel quit lost and desperate. But I have no idea how to change that apart from the obvious, finding a hobby or such.

I don't think it's down to your mum to make you apologise, your a grown woman with your own mind who is entitled to say what you like.

She just reinforces my view that visiting a gP should have a nominal charge.

I'm not saying you're wrong about friend.. but my mum turned out to have had sepsis for two years off and on (so many antibiotic rounds..) During this time she mostly lived alone (my father died half way through it) and looked after 5 cats. Looking after the cat with sepsis? Possible.

I dare say you could apologise for your tone. if you're clever about it you won't have to apologise for content.

I work for the ambulance service, we generally go to about 2 of 3 patients a day whom are simply bored and want a bit of attention. They're often the first to put a complaint in if they dont feel we are taking them seriously enough, or heaven forbid tell them there was a more suitable care pathway they could have taken! I'm sure they result in significant harmto others due to delayed responses!

I meant looking for the cat not looking after it. She couldn't see two of her cats and they'd been out of sight for 30 minutes so she was going out and looking under bushes for it. But she was so poorly she had to be seen ASAP apparently.

I would have said something too, and have done in the past. Pisses me right off that genuinely sick people cant get an appointment because malingerers, attention seekers, or snotty noses are filling emergency appointments for issues they should be taking to a pharmacist.

Feel sorry for her a bit. She’s obviously incredibly lonely, sad and possibly mentally ill. Of course she shouldn’t be abusing the NHS like this but I do pity her.

I also would have said something, it is abuse of the NHS service. It probably won’t change anything and she will carry on - bjt it would make me feel better 😂

I actually feel sorry for 'friend'. It's likely there are MH issues here and she needs to be signposted to a suitable service.
Could she have health anxiety? Does she become distressed over theses 'issues'?
She does sound very lonely.

This is one of those situations where someone needs to take a step back and look at the much bigger picture.

Quite sad that this is the only way she can get any company seemingly.

Perhaps your mum could help find some groups and activities to help give her some purpose?

Its not company. Trust me, she phone my mother upwards of 10 times a day as well as she goes to bingo and day groups. She just genuinely believes she should be able to do this and doesn't see the problem.

She sounds lonely, how old is she. Perhaps the g.p. could suggest activities and support groups that might keep her out of the surgery. She might have a health anxiety, who knows. I wouldnt judge her too harshly, we never know what is going on in people's lives.. if your mum feels she is being a bit ott then could she suggest she seeks help from the g.p. or church or something like that.

Husband committed suicide, companion of 35 years recently died. I’d cut her some slack, l reckon l’d have mental health issues if that happened to me.

It strikes me that she has health anxiety, which is a genuine condition and from reading posts from people on here with it, it can be very debilitating.

You on the other hand just sound like a cow. Try showing some understanding, rather than picking fault in everything this "mad cat lady" does.

You were only able to do it because your DM has shared her friend's personal information with you for a while. I think you owe your DM and her friend an apology tbh.

Good for you. I'm less and less tolerant to this sort of thing. Age also means I can speak up more.

I doubt it will make any lasting difference in the way she behaves, but I don't blame you for being frustrated.

I wouldn't apologise. What's more, I'd probably tell my mother that hearing about her friend was driving me up the wall and I needed to put a moratorium on her as a topic of conversation. Your mother may choose to remain friends with her (even though it doesn't sound like she actually likes her, herself!), but she's not your friend, so there's no reason you should need to hear so much about her.

Yes, it's sad that the friend is probably lonely and bored (though she has at least one friend she hasn't managed to drive away, yet), but that doesn't make her any less insufferable. You sound like you've reached your limit with her, and I don't blame you.

It's not very nice of your mum to be discussing this so called friends problems, that isn't what friends do, she should be helping not gossiping,

And you didn't put your foot in it, you purposely set out to make this woman feel like shit.

Understandable that your mother is now ashamed of you.

Well she is poorly. She is clearly suffering from mental health issues, and I don't suppose she can help it.

I'd probably have said the same to her though

If your mother speaks to you again and stars harping on about friend then I'd simply cut the conversation. Your mother might be too weak to tell friend to shut the fuck up about her made up medical problems, but you sure as hell don't have to listen to either of them. You did well to hold your tongue for so long. I have distanced myself from someone who always has a medical issue to talk about - if it's not hers it's a member of the family's (I'm sure they would be thrilled to know that I know ). So you just need to knock those chats on the head and as soon as your mother mentions the friend's name tell her very firmly that you don't want to know.

I wouldn't apologise either. My girl has needed an ambulance in the past (and carries a red card) and is blue lighted the whole way. She has an uncommon condition. It annoys the hell out of me when we have had to wait for an ambulance or had paramedics frazzled as they haven't had a decent break because they are dealing with calls like this, not to mention the delay in a&e for all concerned as there are that many people that just don't need to be there but there are no spaces. I think the ambulance service needs to fine offenders for improper use. Social services could do with checking people like this out too to check for loneliness and help with integration into the community.

On the back of this, if you see paramedics in the shop in the queue let them go in front of you- just to save them a bit of time to actually eat/drink before the next call.