Would you wreck someone’s wedding if they wrecked yours?

[Butterfliestastewiththeirfeet]

I know I’m BU but it’s a thought that’s crossed my mind.

I’ve NC and not going in to finer detail because it’s outing.

So yeah PIL and Bil did a great job of turning our wedding in to something awful. I feel it was done on purpose because of something that was said to a close friend of mine before the day off Bil.

I’ll never forget BILs smirk as he was leaving. Dh was dealing with something else. His new girlfriend at the time was also incredibly rude to DH a while later. Dh didn’t tell me at the time because he knew how upset I was still over the wedding.

I was so upset after the wedding. I couldn’t talk about it for a few weeks with out crying and for about four/five months after I was incredibly low. It was an expensive wedding, looked forward to it for years and I couldn’t get past that i felt they had done it out of spite. I’m NC with Bil and his girlfriend. Very low contact with PIL

Dh is in low contact with bil and his girlfriend.

I’ve honestly put up with some much shit of this family. For years I kept quiet not to rock the boat bit this was the last straw.

Any way BIL girlfriend is about to become his fiancé. I know for a fact he has already cheated on her. That’s what he does. He has always been like that.

I’m having thoughts that I’m going to send an engagement present and ‘build bridges’ just so i can go to the wedding and wreck it for them.

The thought gives me so much pleasure.

I know I’m acting like a complete psycho.

ghost but were your actions intentional?

The best revenge is living well. So if you've had a happy marriage, you've already got your own back.

Yes I was devastated. It wasn’t minor moon. I have no wedding pictures due to their behaviour. I literally had to ask people if they had any pictures on their phones to send me. It took us three years to save for the wedding for it to be ruined by a small group of idiots.

I'd go ahead and do all I could to ruin it. Karma's a bitch innit.

Hang on, OP, it's fifteen years ago, and you don't mention how you followed up with the photographer who was the one who really let you down? Didn't you just phone him/her the moment you emerged from the church and there was no one trying to corral Great Auntie Brenda and the flowergirls onto the steps for a group shot and make them hotfoot it back?

Don't build bridges, don't acknowledge their wedding and don't give them a moment more of your time.

It's very hard (I know), but always remember that you have a lovely DH and a happy life. They don't and won't.

Honestly? I dont think that sounds too bad. The crying is irrelevant, the photographer shouldn't have listened to a guest, and the comments should have been nipped in the bud.

Given that you've held a grudge for 15 years and done your best to prevent your H having any contact with his family, I wonder if their dislike of you started with, well, you giving the impression that you are a controlling, self-obsessed wingnut before your wedding...

Anonymous box of dicks

Did the photographer still charge you for the wedding though? Normally a cancellation on the day incurs a full fee.

Anyone who thinks fights dont happen at weddings has never worked one!

I would say that it is probably about 50/50 between weddings that do have fisticuffs and ones that dont.

No my actions weren't intentional Titania, more flakey due to having a lot of shit going on in my life at the time.

How the hell did they manage to send the photographer home, could you explain further OP?

No professional photographer would just bugger off and not come back like that. They'd check.

From what you say , the photographer was in the wrong and should not have went home or left without either confirming with you or dh .
You should speak there and you may get compensated. Then you could have a renewal of vows without the horrors .
Just be careful 're revenge, as you could end up in trouble .

Be more Michelle - when they go low, we go high

In a situation like this, I would personally do nothing and focus on my own life and relationship. However, if I were to indulge in revenge fantasies and wanted to wreck their wedding, I would go all out and overboard with it. No point, doing it half-arsed. I’d organise a bunch of women who would all have very big, visible pregnancy bumps to simultaneously turn up during the ceremony and create a screeching scene of epic proportions and create total pandemonium, I mean, come on, you should at least go all out broke in that case…

Do you have any children yet?

If not then don't go, your absence will be queried to your OH and he can make 'the big baby annoucement' very loudly and say you're not feeling well. Later you can always claim false alarm.
Should rattle their cage without obvious acrimony.

Actually, there's a thought. Why not hire a tom for a few quid to attend the wedding as a guest, and when the vicar says ' is there anyone here present.....'
Have her shout out ' How can you do this to me ( insert name ) when only last week when we were in bed you promised me that you were going to bin her for me' etc before she runs out in tears.

Muahaha.

anyone else staggered that a grudge has been held for 15 … fifteen years ??

I thought it was 15 years of knowing IL and keeping quiet about many things rather than 15 years since wedding - if it is 15 years since wedding that is staggering.

I can't imagine why an professional wedding photographer would think "this random stranger has told me to leave. I'll just do that and not even speak to the bride and groom, never mind the fact that I'll likely not get paid for today and I could have accepted a different wedding".

Further explanation is surely needed on that point OP

This person didn't wreck my wedding but nearly destroyed my family, I had fantasies of cancelling the reception for her etc but as it turns out Karma is a bitch and her business is going to shit. Good couldn't happen to a bigger cunt

Sometimes its better to let things go for your own sake.
Like others have said they will having the wedding but the marriage wll probably be short lived.

I had a situation with our wedding....my husband and I eloped.
Sent all family messages saying not only were we on holiday but would also be getting married.

Came home,congrats from all friends and all my family.
My husbands family never mentioned it....not a single word from any of them even when my husband visited them alone,nothing.

I said to my husband thats fine,when any of your siblings get married I wont go or mention there weddings either....

Invitation comes a couple of years later from his sister.....I stuck to my word,said to husband you do what you want but he decided to not go either.No card or present from us.

Next time I saw SIL she kept mentioning little things about the wedding and being a wife,I changed the subject.

Lets just say a couple of week later she spat the dummy out and did some shit stirring between me and someone else,all totally made up...

Wish she would have just asked me why I hadnt accepted invitation or congratulated her and I would have told her the truth.
None of this was about me,I felt upset for my husband that his family could treat him like that

I don't find the photographer as extraordinary as other people do, given that one of the three appears to be PIL. This isn't some guest at a wedding, it is the father of the groom. I can understand a photographer believing the father of the groom if he says something like "oh we double booked a photographer, you need to go home". Or, let's say, PIL as his contribution to the wedding offers to finance the photographer, so long as the photographer used is his pick. then who do you think the photographer would listen to? Why are these scenarios unlikely.

Is the OP going to come back?

Actually I find the photographer thing curious
I've never heard of one who will cancel a day's booking, literally walk out of the wedding and say nothing to the bride and groom., on a guests say so, no matter who the guest is, and then not be contactable by mobile phone that day to come back.

Because you would phone them wouldn't you and ask where they were.