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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 8:45 isn’t time for.....

178 replies

Babblepook · 20/05/2019 20:52

Ostentatious family garden time?

My next door neighbours seem to think it is. Every night they bring their toddler out about this time and then loudly whoop and shout joyous declarations at such things such as him kicking a ball or them all dancing in a circle clapping their hands.

It’s really annoying

OP posts:
BlueJava · 21/05/2019 18:56

Unless this goes on until 11pm everynight YABU. I think your tone about them is not very nice either, why shouldn't they be proud of their son? If our parents can't big us up and support and think we're the best ever then who will?

rubyroot · 21/05/2019 19:02

@Babblepook- yes people do have that much fun, playing with a toddler is soooo much fun and they're hilarious.

Why does a toddler need to sleep a 8.45, not like they need to get up for school.

I take my 1 1/2 year old into the shops and -judgy- people like you speak directly to my son saying shouldn't you be in bed.

No, actually as I like to spend time with him after work and he doesn't get up til 9.30.

rubyroot · 21/05/2019 19:02

judgy

Fowles94 · 21/05/2019 19:14

It's their garden and hardly a ridiculous time.

Booboo66 · 21/05/2019 19:15

I agree with you OP. My dd’s were out playing last night and in the end, after many warnings I dragged them inside at about 8.40. After several warnings they and the other children from the street continued to scream constantly. It was annoying me let alone anyone child free (we don’t have anyone with young children to disturb) and I just didn’t feel it was acceptable. Laughing/giggling etc fine but the screaming was over the top and unfair on other residents. They’d have been allowed out far later if they had been quieter. Adults whooping would drive me around the bend 😆

Original poster
Babblepook · 21/05/2019 19:37

But they’re in their own garden: who is the performance for? Surely it’s only performance (I assume you mean) parenting if it’s in public?

The 6 blocks that can hear them whooping!

OP posts:
rubyroot · 21/05/2019 19:57

Never heard of performance parenting. Is it performance parenting when I talk to my kid fairly loudly in supermarkets naming all the stuff I put in the trolley and chatting to him fairly loudly and clearly as we go around.

GunpowderGelatine · 21/05/2019 21:43

These kind of thread always bring out the "ooh are you calling ME a performance parent I talk to my child and play football with them" 🙄 FFS don't be so precious, no they're not talking about someone who engages with their child. They're talking about someone who engages too loudly, in an OTT way, to get attention and look like a Awesome Mummy or Daddy.

Example:
Regular parenting around the supermarket:
"And here's some ketchup Tommy, let's pop it in the trolley. And this is pasta, daddy's favourite. And shall we get some bread for your sandwiches?"

Performance parenting:
(At 400 decibels) "Oh darling Thomas, shall we get some yummy Caviar, your favourite! And there's some yummy fat free hummus, much better than nasty chocolate. And daddy MUST have some Moet, nothing else will do for silly fuss pot daddy. Those are nappies but you're a big boy and don't need them, clever boy uses the potty doesn't he Thomas even though you're only 11 months old. Can you "Scallops" "Sco-llops"?

Performance parenting - it's a thing.

mrshousty · 21/05/2019 21:49

I think you're being judgemental, you know nothing about their life or routine parenting is hard enough without others judgement.

lboogy · 21/05/2019 21:53

It's light and warm YABU it's hardly 11pm. Go and have a bath and a cup of tea!

Hilarious 😆 telling off OP like she's a child

For what it's worth, I get annoyed with the neighbours doing the exact same thing with their toddler. They let her stay up really late

NoSauce · 21/05/2019 21:54

Never heard of performance parenting. Is it performance parenting when I talk to my kid fairly loudly in supermarkets naming all the stuff I put in the trolley and chatting to him fairly loudly and clearly as we go around

You do know what it is then Wink

rubyroot · 21/05/2019 22:29

You do know what it is then wink

Making an educated guess. Fuck it, I'm a performance parent and proud. Grin Can't believe there's a name for all these things.

manicmij · 21/05/2019 23:32

Yep, a bit of performance partying. Just so they know how loud and boisterous there actions are, turn on a radio or tv, open a window near the garden and turn up volume to drown out the noise. Let them hear it full throttle. They may take the hint to tone it down a bit. If they complaint just tell them you need to drown out their noise as it is so irritating. I have the same with childminder next door 8 am - 7 pm and she shouldn't even be doing it due to restrictions on property but we are in the me, me, me age!

MyBlueMoonbeam · 21/05/2019 23:36

YAB totally U 🙄

Catsinthecupboard · 22/05/2019 00:55

It's not the child, it's the over loud parents. I hate that. It's a "look at me!" Problem.

StarlightLady · 22/05/2019 05:59

I thought I misread the time on this one. Try living next door to someone who has late night parties in the garden. Fortunately, I don’t anymore, but I used to.

maddiemookins16mum · 22/05/2019 06:42

Only on MN is it ok to be hollering in your garden with an overtired toddler at nearly 9pm. Meanwhile in the real world the rest of us are slobbing on the sofa with the wains fast asleep for over an hour at least.

Mammatino · 22/05/2019 08:01

@thegigglinggazelle, hurrah my first ever copy!!!!! We didn't just have the money to up and move. We sold our car and took a loan out to move to a better area. By better area I mean just that. The people are considerate here and it wasn't just a few kids screaming in the garden. The music shook our walls so loudly that we couldn't have photo frames on the windowsill, but when the kids start it just becomes incessant. We really took the time to find out that the new area suited us. I promise I am not snobby and I didn't mean to come across like I had my nose in the air... Unless it was to avoid my builder husbands arse!

ProfessorSillyStuff · 22/05/2019 11:15

I am one of those parents, but I'm not doing it to be annoying, show off or get attention. My kid has developmental delays and really needs me to communicate in an OTT way for him to engage at all. I actually hate doing it, I know I sound shrill, overly engaged, overly happy and when I discipline him I sound overly curt and shouty at times.I have to talk constantly and repeat things a lot. I have to get super happy clappy and jump up and down for him to even register my approval! I also use sign language (makaton) and pecs cards constantly.

I'm sick of the sound of my own voice and I'm lucky I have understanding neighbours ( one also has a disabled child who's now an adult). I probably sound mental to anyone who sees me out and about. But I don't care because I know that living in a language enriched environment really is helping him. Considering his difficulties, his behaviour is great, nicely confident and developing an interest in socialising which he just wouldn't have otherwise. He is beginning to communicate back with gestures now, and able to make eye contact at times with certain people.

My son doesn't get tired easily at night. He has a longer circadian rhythm and just stays up later and later each night even though I wake him early and try hard to tire him out each day. Trying to keep him in a routine so he can be awake and learning at nursery is a constant struggle.

Please... think before judging!

MummyMayo1988 · 22/05/2019 14:07

I think you are being slightly UR Sad
My husband works in the city and gets home anytime between 7:30 and 8:30 depending on the traffic. Our newborn currently goes to bed at around 6:30. Hes up and out for work before any of us get up so he goes an entire 5 days without actually seeing our baby Sad
Aside from the weekend; the evening is the only time he gets with our children. So in summer; when its lighter and warmer, they go a little mad in the evenings.
Go have a nice bath/shower and a cup of tea. Not all families live by the old fashioned 9-5 routine unfortunately.

Mammatino · 22/05/2019 15:32

@ProfessorSillyStuff.. You are a Brill mum and not a performance parent x

Original poster
Babblepook · 22/05/2019 17:00

@professorsillystuff but I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about my neighbour whose child doesn’t have learning difficulties. So many people seem to think this post is aimed specifically at them bizarrely

OP posts:
FelicisNox · 22/05/2019 19:07

Yes YABU but I feel you.

At nearly 9pm AT NIGHT you want a bit of peace and quiet and I don't blame you.

8.45pm is too late for that crap IMO: I raised 6 children and there's no way I would allow them to behave like that after 8pm.... I don't want the noise in my head and I dare say my neighbours didn't either but standards aren't what they used to be and for some reason no one has any manners anymore.

Bag humbug! Grin

P.s
Performance parenting.. are they the parents who talk in ultra loud voices so everyone can hear them being "wonderful parents" not realising that no one gives a 💩?
《Gags》

herculepoirot2 · 22/05/2019 19:08

I agree. Anything past 8 is nighttime here.

caringdenise009 · 22/05/2019 19:26

I complained to a friend about my neighbours and how they ruin every hot day with the way they use their garden, with emphasis on the particularly whiny grandchild who could keep it up for hours. Was accused of being a miserable old goat. Until he came round and hear it for himself. The loud music, and subsequent need to shout above it to be heard by people 3 feet away. The kids playing with noisy electronic toys. I can't have a door or window open on the hottest days, never able to sit out and enjoy the birds singing on a summer day at the weekend. And the fuss they make if their next door neighbours play music on a day they are not having a party!