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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 8:45 isn’t time for.....

178 replies

Babblepook · 20/05/2019 20:52

Ostentatious family garden time?

My next door neighbours seem to think it is. Every night they bring their toddler out about this time and then loudly whoop and shout joyous declarations at such things such as him kicking a ball or them all dancing in a circle clapping their hands.

It’s really annoying

OP posts:
Skyejuly · 21/05/2019 12:58

I dont think kids playing in garden warrent not being able to open window?
8.45 on a light evening...seriously worse things to worry about

whymewhyme · 21/05/2019 13:26

Get a life!

bordellosboheme · 21/05/2019 14:10

I moved from a quiet to a busy and loud location (think a main street where lots of pubs are). At first I found it hard to sleep with all the music and drunken loud voices. Then I decided to reframe it as the sound of people enjoying themselves. Suddenly I slept peacefully. Suggest you do the same. Change your mindset OP. That's the only thing you have control of.

deepflatflyer · 21/05/2019 14:36

One set of neighbours often START the playing in the garden just as everyone else is heading indoors. Each to their own and, in this case, it's cultural too but .... lovely warm weekend, nobody in the garden all day until 8..30 Sunday night. Then 3 families round and 6 screaming (and I mean sccrrrreeeaaammmmiiiinnnng) children on the trampoline until 10 ish. Still in the house when I went to bed at 11.00. Cars parked badly over our shared drive, and pavement. I knew that they wouldn't leave quietly (never do - lots of noisy, shouty goodbyes) so went to bed with earplugs and pillow over my head. Lovely.

Fivebyfivesq · 21/05/2019 16:18

Every Monday night our next door neighbour does his recycling at about 1130pm.

He sets the boxes out on the pavement and then he throws the items at them one by one.

SMASH SMASH SMASH every week.

Curiously I sort of enjoy it now

stucknoue · 21/05/2019 16:24

It's about 10 days a year, well maybe 20 that we are warm, dry and light at 8.45pm, last year was exceptional I will note. As long as people are quiet by 10 (weekdays) and 11 (weekends) then yabu

MrsTeaspoon · 21/05/2019 16:33

Yanbu. I love the ‘ostentatious’ too! I’m a firm believer in bedtimes for children, even if these parents don’t want their child in bed yet by 8.45pm I would be being considerate to possibility of neighbour children being in bed and would not be noisy in the garden. Especially on school nights.

Mitsouko67 · 21/05/2019 16:34

The eminem suggestion is brilliant and made me laugh. Yes, they sound tiresome, most right thinking people are thinking about getting ready for bed by 8.45pm on a weekday.

pantsville · 21/05/2019 17:14

"Move to the middle of nowhere"

Top advice that. Expecting any kind of consideration from others is totally out of the question, clearly. The answer to any problem you have involving another person is just to completely isolate yourself from the community and live as a hermit.

TheGigglingGazelle · 21/05/2019 17:44

We used to live in a street full of people who let their kids run riot till all hours. We moved to a better area, the kids are out racing about in the new street or their gardens until around 7/7.30 when they are brought in to get ready for bed. My lovely new neighbours have a toddler and I often hear him gurgling away having a lovely time but I don't hear his parents shrieking at the tops of their voices because he belly flopped into the ball pit. I just think if everyone could just bear in mind there are other people in the world and think how things impacted on others then it would save an awful lot of nastiness.

Agree wholeheartedly with your last sentence, but don't you think the other sentiments are a bit snobby? Plus, not everyone can afford to just 'move to a better area' (and 'better' is subjective anyway).

Tessabelle74 · 21/05/2019 17:50

You're just coming across as a judgy bitch. My 2 year old goes to bed at 9-9.30pm so at 8.45 on a lovely summers evening she'd maybe be outside trying to tire her out. Rather kids playing than my neighbour smoking weed all day so I have to keep my door closed

anothernotherone · 21/05/2019 17:52

I like the sound of children playing outside, as long as they sound happy rather than upset, I hate the sound of very loud performance parenting, that's what would bother me. My mum performance grandparents and only plays with the kids if she thinks someone is watching or listening, in which case she does it in a very OTT way and looks around trying to catch adults eyes to grin at them. If she thinks she's unobserved she gets her kindle out and tells them to go and play together. She didn't play with us at all as kids, but then she didn't have an audience.

I think parents who do the look squeely look at/ listen to me parenting thing ignore or snap at their kids when they think nobody is listening/ looking.

Sparrowlegs248 · 21/05/2019 18:09

This would annoy me as it would wake up one or both of my children, who go to bed at 7.30pm and are very tired grumpy terrors if they don't get enough sleep.

BarnabasTheMaineCoon · 21/05/2019 18:10

If only! We've got the neighbourhood smack dealer below us. He's been hanging out with some thugs from the homeless flat being twats till all hours.

Original poster
Babblepook · 21/05/2019 18:25

Gosh I had a busy day and just got to reading this. There are some VERY ANGRY people on Mumsnet aren’t there!

I’m 38 for the ageists out there

OP posts:
Skyejuly · 21/05/2019 18:34

How light do some people sleep? I dont think windows open would wake my kids?

converseandjeans · 21/05/2019 18:43

YANBU & that would annoy me too. If my kids start shouting in the garden when people are trying to chill we tell them to keep the noise down. It's just good manners.

2toddlers
Last night my 3 year old was out on the trampoline at about 8.30pm, she’d had a late nap after being up very early. It never crossed my mind that she might be offending the neighbours. I love this time of year for being able to enjoy our garden. Thank goodness our neighbours are family friendly and wouldn’t dream of moaning about a child in their own garden in the evening
It is not the child they are moaning about. It's the parents who are actually creating the noise.

SuperSue77 · 21/05/2019 18:45

OP I agree with you, and lazyasafox People seem to have missed that you can’t have your child’s Bedroom window open because of the noise, it’s them imposing their child’s bedtime on yours which isn’t fair.
I’ve had trouble with children playing outside when I want mine asleep and mine are busy looking out of the window asking why they have to be in bed when the other children aren’t.

Purplegecko · 21/05/2019 18:46

I'm in agreement with you OP. I have to study and I have exams this week and need my sleep, being kept up by screeching kids is midly irritating, but kids are kids and I've got my own so fully understand, would never be angered by it or say anything.
Adults, however, do not need to be yelling at the top of their voices at any time of the evening, definitely seems like performance parenting! Or at least a lack of understanding that there are other people outside of their little family bubble.
A bit of talking and playing and the odd "yay! Well done!", not an issue. It's just being considerate to think of those around you in a residential area, I have a toddler and past a certain time we're quieter, and as low volume as possible during the day, not everyone works on the same schedules and I'm sure people working nights don't need to hear my DD being excessively loud!

MegaMonsterMunch · 21/05/2019 18:47

Oh, behave.

StroppyWoman · 21/05/2019 18:48

YABU.
It's their garden, they are enjoying it with their child. It won't last long, the weather will change or the toddler's routine will alter as s/he grows.
Pour yourself a glass of something nice and don't wind yourself up about something you can't do owt about.

GuidoTheKillerPimp · 21/05/2019 18:48

It's a kind of Performance Partying isn't it. I feel your pain grin

But they’re in their own garden: who is the performance for? Surely it’s only performance (I assume you mean) parenting if it’s in public?

ChiaraRimini · 21/05/2019 18:48

Just be grateful you are not my NDN OP. Drunk teenagers in the hot tub until 11.30pm here on Friday. Luckily my neighbours are more chilled.

ifCakesHappens · 21/05/2019 18:50

why does it always end up as a race to the bottom?

I am sure people in bagdad bellow the bombs have it worst, but that's hardly the point.

Tessabelle74 · 21/05/2019 18:55

SuperSue77
I’ve had trouble with children playing outside when I want mine asleep and mine are busy looking out of the window asking why they have to be in bed when the other children aren’t.

I remember this from when I was a child, believe me, my Dad had a simple answer that is still relevant "they're not my kids, you are so it's not up to me what time they go to bed" brilliant advice that I follow with my kids

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